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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Hurt by sister

6 replies

Moominsummermadness · 30/10/2011 11:09

Hello everyone.

I'm really not sure what I should be thinking or feeling right now. I found out at my dating scan when I should have been 13 weeks pregnant that the baby had died at 7 weeks. This was just over 3 weeks ago. As soon as I found out, I texted everyone to let them know, I didn't want to have to speak on the phone, just couldn't face it. My sister, who lives in Northern Ireland, replied by simply saying, 'So sorry.x'. That was it. Didn't hear anything more from her. I haven't seen her for a few months, I mentioned to her in the summer that I was thinking of flying over to see her, and to let me know what would be a good time, but I didn't get a response. My mum has gone to see her this weekend, I got a text message from my sister this morning saying that she is 28 weeks pregnant (!!!!), she wasn't going to tell me until the baby was born, but my mum persuaded her to let me know.

I feel really upset. I can't believe that she would keep this from me. She obviously didn't want me to know for fear of upsetting me, but this is much worse. I can't live in a bubble and shield myself from every pregnant woman I see, and it just so happens that right now more of my friends are pregnant than ever have been at any one time before. Two of my closest friends are pregnant, but I'm genuinely pleased for them. Sometimes it is hard coping with other people's pregnancies (the two ladies comparing bumps at the halloween party last night was a bit hard to deal with), but I know I just have to get on with it.

Sorry for the rant, I needed to get it off my chest. DH is at work, have texted him but he doesn't really understand why I'm upset!

OP posts:
GuillotinedMaryLacey · 30/10/2011 11:17

Oh boy that's tough. Firstly, sorry for your loss. I've been there, it's shit :(

Of course I can understand that she was wary of telling you. But to (intend to) keep it from you until the baby is born? That's a hell of a secret. I assume if you're thinking of visiting etc that you get on pretty well so she was obviously doing it with the best of intentions but it's very misguided. I can totally understand why you're upset.

Are you going to speak to her? x

Moominsummermadness · 30/10/2011 11:27

We do get on, but are not particularly close anymore, she tends to put up a bit of a barrier where family are concerned. I just don't understand her! I can see why she did it, but she's just made me feel worse by trying to keep it a secret. I texted her back to congratulate her, but will leave it a while before I speak to her, I need the anger to subside a bit first! x

OP posts:
skinnymuffin · 31/10/2011 14:48

Hey Moomin, how are you feeling today? I am Shock at your sister tbh. That could/should have been handled so much better!!

I can't move for pregnant women/new babies at the moment so I can sympathise there. Generally it doesn't worry me, it's not as if I want their baby is it? But I do get narked when people pussy foot around me or whisper in corners, makes me feel like I've got the plague...

Hope you are ok, I keep saying this, but it just sucks doesn't it?

lola4lee · 31/10/2011 15:51

I can't believe your sister thought that was a sensible thing and so glad your mum talked her round cause at least it gives you time to get your head round it and sort it out, because you will get past it hopefully.
I mc a couple of months ago at 12 weeks and 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant My sister also found out she was pregnant and I have found that my sister now finds it difficult to talk to me about it but you have to remember you'll have a niece/nephew at the end, but not sure how I would have felt if my sister hadn't have told me, it is a strange situation for her to choose.
And yes when all you want is a baby, all you seem to hear about is other peoples pregnancies and see babies everywhere.
So sorry for your loss and best wishes to you and I do hope that things get better between you and your sister xx

KnitterNotTwitter · 31/10/2011 15:56

Hi Moomin still so sorry for your loss - the same happened to me in July last year and I'm still so sad for that lost baby.

It is a bit weird - if she is 28 weeks pregnant now then she would have been 25 weeks pg when you discovered your loss which is still bloomin' late to tell a sister IMO.

Could it be that she feels awkward for not telling you, and then doubly awkward now she knows about your loss?

Moominsummermadness · 31/10/2011 16:54

Hi Everyone, thanks for your replies. I'm ok thanks, still a bit shocked at the situation, like Knitter said, 25 weeks wouls still have been flippin late to tell her own family about the pregnancy. When I spoke to my mum last night, she said it was because she didn't want to take the shine off my pregnancy which I told her about at 6 weeks in August, although by then she would have been 17 weeks by then,so she definitely knew!!
I sent her another text message last night, was worried that my text message might have seemed a bit brusque, as I pretty much just said congratulations and that was it. The message that I sent last night explained that I was upset, not at all because she is pregnant, but because she wasn't going to tell me. I said that what I went through was awful, especially as it was the 2nd mc in 6 months, but I have lots of pregnant friends and am happy for them all, as I am for her. I ended the message by putting a kiss on the end. I didn't get a reply, so texted her again this morning, just to say I hoped that she got my message last night. Eventually, at 2pm this afternoon, I got a reply simply saying, 'yes thanks'. That was it. I'm going to leave it now, she knows where I am if she wants to contact me, but I'm not going to upset myself even more by trying to force her to speak to me. I just hope that she eventually reflects on the situation and realises how I might be feeling. xx

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