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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

When Daddy can't fix it.

14 replies

mylovelycharlie · 26/10/2011 14:12

My Partner and I recently lost our lovely little boy Charlie (29th sep). Completely out of the blue and no explanation. He was healthy and just a happy little boy. Just angry, lost and worried about my partner.

I have a very positive nature and I always say to my partner "don't worry I will fix it" But this I just can not fix! And that is so frustrating.

My partner blames herself and I am so worried and afraid about the future. We wan't to have another child asap but is this the solution? Should we wait?

I am looking for a "12 step programme" as to how to learn how to live with this. But everyone says there is no programme it just takes time.

I have always been a great believer in math and every time my partner has been worried I have always said "this will not happen" the odds of it happening are so small. So what can I say to my partner now? It happened!

Will I ever learn to live with this? Once you have carried your baby's coffin something dies inside of you.

Sorry for everyone that has lost it is the worst thing that can ever happen.

I have decided that I want to dedicate half of my working life to help prevent this from happening again, and I will let you know once I get it all sorted.

Have a look at my little boy he was just amazing

Love you always

Daddy x x

OP posts:
farfallarocks · 26/10/2011 14:46

I am so sorry for your loss, your son is beautiful, I don't know what to say.

I think you both have to be ready to try again, nothing will ever replace him but hopefully you will hold another baby in your arms very soon.

duke748 · 26/10/2011 14:54

Your post and the video really touched me. Charlie Bear was a beautiful boy and it's so obvious he was loved by you both dearly.

I wish I could say something to help you feel better. My only advice would be to keep talking to your partner, you need each other so much at this time. Unfortunately you can't 'fix it' but listening and talking will help each other.

My heart goes out to you both. Big hugs. X

greenzebra · 26/10/2011 15:35

Im so sorry for your loss, it does take time. We lost our baby girl in April to Stillbirth. My husband said similar things at the time as you are saying now. Just be gentle with yourselves, waves of grief can take hold at any time. Six months on and I still have very down days and so does my husband.
I agree with the above poster talk always and talk of Charlie, don't ever not talk about him. If something reminds you of him then talk about it, my husband and I do this alot about our Ophelia, and it really helps.

You are right something does die inside when you carry your babies coffin, it just isnt right or fair. I find that now nothing matters, nothing is hard anymore, we have been though the hardest thing.

My Husband and I are very practical people, and we started trying again straight away, but truthfully it has only felt right really now, six months on.
I found I was very unconfident and couldnt be away from my husband for a second, be strong for your wife but please dont forget about yourself, tell her how you are feeling.

Sorry if I am over stepping the mark.

Im so sorry once again and thank you for staring your video. He really was beautiful.


picklebum2011 · 26/10/2011 17:59


mybrainsthinkingcookyou · 26/10/2011 18:12

I am so so very sorry. Your video is so beautiful as is your wife and Charlie.
My heart goes out to you.

skinnymuffin · 26/10/2011 19:15

I am so, so sorry. I don't know what else to say.

DialMforMummy · 26/10/2011 19:49

You have deepest sympathy. This is the worse thing that can happen to anyone.

OnlyWantsOne · 26/10/2011 19:53

Beautiful boy xx Sad

RubyrooUK · 26/10/2011 20:32

I am so so sorry. I watched your beautiful video and it made me terribly sad.

I don't think you can fix this, sadly. You and your partner can only talk and talk and try to help each other deal with your terrible grief about Charlie. It's all so recent too.

From my experience, I think trying for another baby is fine if you want to. It doesn't diminish your love for Charlie if you want another child. How could anything diminish your love for him? But soon you start on trying to have another child has to be up to you.

So I'm sorry I can't really offer advice beyond what much more sensible people have already said. I just wanted you to know I'd watched your lovely film of Charlie and was thinking of you.

mammanetta · 15/12/2011 22:22

Tears rolling down my cheeks :(
You are a brave man to post this and you must both be wonderful people.
May your memories of little Charlie help you through this awful time.

witherhills · 15/12/2011 22:34

I can't imagine what you are both going through, just wanted to say how sorry I am. He was a beautiful boy.

There is a bereavement section, if you feel brave enough to ask for advice there?

MogTheForgetfulCat · 16/12/2011 21:20

Oh, why do things like this have to happen? So horribly sad. What a beautiful little boy, you must be heartbroken. I know someone who lost her much older son recently, to a sudden illness - he was 12. She is now pregnant, expecting a baby in a couple of months. I think it was the only way for her to deal with his loss - the baby won't be a replacement and will not in any way diminish her love for her DS and the enormity of her loss, but I completely understand what she is doing.

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 20/12/2011 13:36

What a beautiful little boy, that video had me in tears.

My heart goes out to you both, you seem like lovely people and I am so, so sorry for your loss xxx

Angel786 · 11/01/2012 22:31

Absolutely heartbreaking. Your video is such a fitting tribute, he was a beautiful little angel.

I hope you find some help for your grief.


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