Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Worrying scan results - need a bit of hand-holding

31 replies

WandrinStar · 22/10/2011 14:59

Hi everyone

DH and I have been TTC for 3 years now and this year we bit the bullet and went down the IVF route. Did our first cycle in Feb, got a BFP, saw heartbeat on the scan, all looking good. We were as happy as Larry. Then I had an MMC at 10 weeks and ended up having to have ERPC. Went from deliriously happy to horribly upset in seconds flat. Sad It's safe to say my world fell apart at that point, had sleepless nights, nightmares, the works.

After that we said "right, let's do donor eggs" (we are both 41 so age is a factor) but after a bit I felt strong enough to have another shot with my own eggs while we waited for the donor eggs (it's a 9-12 month waiting list where we are being treated). This second cycle went much better than the first, they retreived 5 eggs (only got 2 first time around) and 3 of them fertilised. I had 2 put back at the beginning of September and got another BFP on the 27th.

Went for the first scan a couple of days ago and it showed the foetal pole but no visible heartbeat. The foetal pole measures 6 +5 and I'm 7 +5, so they said it was either a) small for dates and too small to see the heartbeat yet or b) it stopped growing about a week ago. I am so scared it's all going to go tits up again.

Got to go back on 28th for another scan. And poor DH is now out of the country on a business trip he couldn't get out of and won't be back until the morning of the 28th. He's on the plane right now. Bloody hell. It's going to be a long week.

Please come and tell me cheerful stories of how you had similar things happen but it all turned out ok in the end!!

OP posts:
AKMD · 22/10/2011 21:32

I haven't been in this position but all hope is not lost and I really hope it turns out well for you. Waiting for the next scan must be so hard. Do you have any close friends or family nearby who could take you out and take your mind off things as much as possible?

Original poster
WandrinStar · 22/10/2011 21:54

Hi AKMD, yes I have, thank God, it's going to be a long week but at least it'll be a busy one. Luckily I've got lots of things to do and people to see (and of course the delights of work - hollow laughter) but a lot of the time people don't really know what to say/do and I feel almost as if I have to protect them from my worry (if that makes any sense) by not talking about it. And the still watches of the night can get pretty grim. But talking about it helps - God bless online forums eh?

Thanks for replying Smile

OP posts:
bugsylugs · 22/10/2011 22:37

How very hard for you being on your own at this time. I have not been through what you are going through so no personal experience I am afraid, am due to start ivf next month am at the end of a mmc. So recently I was scouring sites and forums. There were plenty of positive stories so please keep habing hope. The waiting is so so hard. My thoughts are with you.

Original poster
WandrinStar · 23/10/2011 17:58

Thanks bugsylugs. I felt so lost yesterday but am better today, pulled myself together a bit and cleaned the house to within an inch of its life (a rare occurrence indeed) and am seeing friends for dinner so that's all good.

Best of luck with your treatment cycle. Hope you're OK with needles - I am a terrible coward and thought I'd never get my head round injecting myself, but I'm fine now. Grin

OP posts:
AKMD · 24/10/2011 10:19

Have been thinking of you. Here's to the fastest week ever! Wine

Original poster
WandrinStar · 26/10/2011 22:21

Thank you. Not long now, thank God!

OP posts:
ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 26/10/2011 22:26

Wandrin - I've only just seen your thread :(

I'll keep my fingers doubly crossed for you.

Another MN friend is going for a scan on Friday morning which she also has very very good reasons to be scared about. I'll be thinking about both of you.

ajandjjmum · 26/10/2011 22:28

I had my first scan at around 6 weeks and they couldn't see a heartbeat, but it was there a week later. It's now 19 and away at uni!

Praying it's the same for you. Smile

Staverton · 27/10/2011 07:28

You poor thing. I have just miscarried twice, but without the added worry of ivf and it stinks.
Will be thinking of you and hoping all ok x

jetzombie · 27/10/2011 07:56

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time, hope it goes well for you today. Are you taking someone with you for support?

Original poster
WandrinStar · 27/10/2011 23:28

Thanks very much - I REALLY appreciate all your kind words. Not long to go now (it's at 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon) - at least then we'll know one way or the other.

DH's plane lands at Gatwick 10am tomorrow so hopefully he will manage to get back in time to go with me (he'll be in a right state having flown all night, mind). It'll be close though. If the flight's delayed or anything I'll take my Mum with me, she lives just up the road.

Thanks for the hand-holding - will let you know how it works out x

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 27/10/2011 23:30

Just joining in the fingers crossed and hand holding.

x x x

Sossiges · 27/10/2011 23:36

Good luck for tomorrow xx

hellhasnofury · 27/10/2011 23:40

Fingers crossed for you.

EvianBaby · 27/10/2011 23:44

Good luck for tomorrow, I really hope it goes well x

frutilla · 27/10/2011 23:59

Thinking of you, really hope the scan turns out fine. xxx

banana87 · 28/10/2011 20:35

How did your scan go? Wishing you all the best.

Original poster
WandrinStar · 28/10/2011 22:06

Hello everyone, thank you so much. Well, it was bad news (I had a feeling it would be, but you hang on to hope, don't you?). Now measuring 6 +2 (??) and still no heartbeat. So it is game over Sad

Got an appointment at the EPAU at the local hosp on Tuesday but the sonographer reckoned she could see it starting to come away and I have got to come off the progesterone - got no symptoms yet but nature might have taken its course before Tues. Christ almighty.

They have said they will do some blood tests etc to see if I need to take asprin/clexane/a-n-other mystery drug to prevent this happening in future. Jeez but this is hard going. Arrrghhhhhh.

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 28/10/2011 22:11

Oh I'm sorry you've had this news Sad. Be very gentle with yourself.

Have you had something to eat tonight? Really easy not to do that when you're upset but you and dh both need to keep your energy up.

banana87 · 28/10/2011 22:25

:( Really sorry for your loss WandrinStar.

Original poster
WandrinStar · 28/10/2011 22:31

Hiya.

Marmite toast, we've both eaten marmite toast in vast amounts. Well, it's got to be good for us hasn't it?

We're OK. I have to say that although it's horrible it's not as bad as it was the first time it happened Sad I guess we were prepared for it this time. The first time, as soon as I peed on a stick I thought that was IT, everything was going to be fine and dandy and I was going to be cuddling my baby on the 17th of November. Having the first mmc has made me a lot more cynical about going into this second pregnancy. So I was cushioned, in a (kind of) way.

It's still crappy, though. I just feel like "GIVE ME A BREAK!"

I'm going to bed, I've had enough. Thank you, all.

OP posts:
cosmologist · 28/10/2011 22:35

I'm really sorry for your shit news.

It's extra unfair to lose an IVF baby. It just is.

[hugs]

hellhasnofury · 28/10/2011 22:35

So sorry to hear your news.

Northernlurker · 28/10/2011 22:36

Take a hot water bottle with you - will help because even though you were prepared this is still a shock. Well done for eating - marmite toast excellent!

skinnymuffin · 28/10/2011 22:40

Oh :( I am so very sorry star. I've been following your thread and hoping this would not be the outcome. It is so hard.

Again, just so sorry.