After hearing the news and listening to Jeremy Vine earlier today, I feel now is the time to tell my story in the hope that someone will read it and perhaps make some changes to the way miscarriages are handled. No other woman should ever have to experience what my husband and I went through!
After 2 long years of trying, I fell pregnant. Both my husband and I have just turned 40 and worried this day would never come, but to see the line appear on the pregnancy test was the best day ever (and the 6 subsequent days of tests as well :))!
Unfortunately at 8 weeks I started to bleed heavily and was convinced that I'd lost the baby and was sent straight to the Maternity Unit for a scan, which showed our baby and a strong beating heart. After three weeks, the bleeding seemed to subside, but another 2 weeks later it started again and I was told to take it easy.
At 16 weeks we had in total 4 scans, all of which showed a healthy baby with a very strong heartbeat, plus 2 additional checks on the heartbeat, one of which was the morning I lost my baby.
But on August 19th, whilst having dinner my waters broke and this is where the nightmare began.......My husband called for an ambulance and I was taken straight to A&E, I knew I was losing my baby and it was the most horrendous day of my life. They put me in a room and asked me to stand whilst I "gave birth" then once I had passed the baby they literally left us alone in the room, forcing me to hold a basin to catch the after birth. Not one doctor or nurse was with us, my husband ran outside to scream for help and forced a nurse to assist us. I can't begin to tell you how horrific this was, I felt absolute repulsion at what I was forced to hold & at the thought of my husband having to see me like this & to witness was coming from my body in this shocking manner.
I was then placed on the bed, covered in blood and the nurse came back with a carrier bag containing a box (my husband and I looked at each other, but neither one of us dared say out loud what we thought might be in it). My husband went to find the sister to ask what was in the box, to which our fears were confirmed. Surely they didn't need to torment us like this by placing it next to me? By all accounts they were waiting for someone to come from the crematorium to remove the baby, but seemed unable to locate them. Over an hour later, I was still waiting to see a gynaecologist and still waiting for the box to be removed!
Finally I was placed on a ward, luckily in a room on my own, but my husband was dismissed straight away. He was the one I wanted to be with more than anything in the world, the only other person who knew how incredibly devastated I was. He needed me too and to have us spend the night apart just seemed so cruel. Surely there should be a room for couples grieving in this way, or at least allow us some time together before showing him the door?
Two days later I had to return to the hospital for a scan and was told to report back to the Early Pregnancy Unit. The mere thought of having to step back into the hospital so soon made me an emotional wreck, but forcing us to go back to where we had been for all the scans & to surround us with expectant parents was just downright insensitive.
We reported to reception and was told to sit in the waiting room ? with other parents who were giggling in excitement at the thought of seeing their baby, whereas we had just lost ours. I couldn?t do it, I was hysterical. Luckily one of the midwives saw us in the corridor and ushered us to another room. I was told after the scan I would have to come back again a week later. No! I can?t go through this again, I want my nightmare to be over. And the following week there we were in the waiting room with other couples, they were running behind schedule and tortured us for 40 minutes before taking us for the scan, then asking us to return to the waiting room to hear the results. Why would anyone allow this to happen? One lady opposite could see I was distressed, but still continued to plan her baby shower. Have we not gone through enough, surely we don?t need to suffer any more than necessary?
The pain of losing our baby has been magnified by the sequence of events that happened on that dreadful night and since. Someone needs to address these issues and it needs to be now! I never in a million years thought that in the UK and within our trusted medical system that people would be treated so heartlessly!