No heartbeat, wait, pills or operation?

[legalbunny]

I have lost another baby, this time at about 8 weeks. I am not bleeding or anything, but the hospital say there is no doubt there is no heartbeat. I have been advised to wait for the baby to come out naturally. I was told on Monday but fear it could take weeks. I am told it won't be like the other miscarriages I have had as the baby is so small it will not come out followed by the placenta, I will just bleed.

I understand from the scanner, that some people are offered pills or an op. I raised it with the Dr who said an op is not recommended as it could damage the womb and pills are for if it fails to come out over 6 weeks, and are in any event like having an abortion. There were some language difficulties with the Dr, she did not appear to be fluent in English, but that's what I understood from her.

I wondered whether anyone waited and if so how long it took? Also has anyone had the pills? If I push for them I am worried about feeling like I killed by baby (even though the scan showed it had not survived), as I am still sick, not bleeding, the hormones are still there and the sack is still growing. The longer it goes on the worse it will be though. Any advice welcome.

Just read the best ways to end a missed miscarriage thread. It looks like the vast majority of people ar offered the op. I was told to wait. It sounds like the pills are painfully and messy, but it's only been a day and I want the baby to leave if it's dead. I am worried about guilt though owing to the Dr referring to it as abortion.

Think I may need to ring the hospital and make an appointment for next week, if I can, just in case nothing happens. Really hope I don't get the same Dr

Hi legalbunny
I'm sorry to hear this - its devastating.
I had a similar experience in June. I was about 8/9 wks but had had early scans (due to 2 previous miscarriages) so we knew things weren't progressing as they should be.
I was also offered pills or to let it happen naturally. I opted for waiting.
It took about 10 days from when we were told there was no hope.
During this time I was also still having some pregnancy symptoms.
It was a horrible limbo like situation to be in - but I really didn't like the idea of the pills.
I hope you get something sorted xx

I have had this twice, at 10 weeks and 8 weeks. What your doctor is saying is not what happens generally everywhere else in the country!

The first time I opted straight for the op and had it a few days later. It was over quickly and studies have proven that is is no more risky than other methods of managing a miscarriage. It is a similar procedure to having an abortion, but then so are the pills. An abortion is a way of ending a pregnancy. It is the same if your pregnancy has ended by itself and you want to get it out faster. Don't feel guilty. Just because it is the same procedure doesn't make it the same. You haven't chosen this. I found it got it over and done with nice and quickly and fairly painlessly.

The second time I had the pills. The statement that you will "just bleed" is bullshit. It will be worse than just bleeding, if you have the pills or if you wait for it. When it happened to me there was a really horrid hour at first when I was passing the "stuff" (no baby as it was a blighted ovum) and there was a fair bit of it. I presume this is placenta tissue. After that it was heavy bleeding. But it is important to know that because if you do decide to wait, you don't want to be expecting just bleeding. There will be a nasty bit when you will want to be installed in your own bathroom at home, not out and about with just pads to cope with it.

My advice to you is to go back to the EPAU at your hospital and say you are not happy to wait and you would like to arrange for medical or surgical management. As you say, it is showing no signs of starting by itself at the moment and it is heartbreaking to know that you have an empty sac still growing inside you.

I am very sorry for your loss and hope this ordeal is over for you soon. My opinion based on my experience is surgical management is the least traumatic way, but it is a deeply personal decision and everyone is different.

Hi legalbunny

I experienced several missed miscarriages so I know how difficult it can be to make a decision. You may have already been given this but I was given the following leaflet from the Miscarriage Association:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Management-of-miscarriage-T-Oct-10.pdf

I found it very helpful and I hope it helps you as well.
X

Hi legalbunny, so sorry for your loss and I am really and [shocked] at the Dr. Where are you by the way.
The leaflet mentioned above is really helpful I think. I recently suffered a missed m/c was 10 ish weeks at scan lo 6 found out on 16/9/11 ( pretty much knew 9/9). sounds very odd what happened to you and very much less than ideal. where I am you have to have 2 scans 1 week apart to ensure no mistake has been made.
If there is no heartbeat then pill do not cause an abortion so please do not feel any guilt about this.

I was mind made up on the 9/9 that I would have an op as want to start IVF asap as am an oldie. But after discussing with cons and very helpful nurse I decided to go for watch and wait. My question and worry was the wait and how long they would leave you as knew a friend that bled for sev months. My body would not have waited for op. Was reassured they reasses at 2 weeks and then go on to meds/ op.

Very very heavy bleeding I was at work and nearly had to leave did go home at lunch for shower and clothes change if that gives you an idea ( periods quite heavy) but I have had NO pain not even needed paracetamol even though placenta got stuck in cervix so had to go back to epau (they were surprised at lack of pain think I am unusual). Am still having slight bleeding but have scan booked for Tues to check all ok (normal procedure here). For me this was the right decision.

I would phone EPAU again and ask to speak to nurse or another Dr re options.

Good luck take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself

Sorry I have been off line as I had to tell the limited people who knew about the baby that the pregnancy hasn't worked. I found that almost everyone said 'are they sure' due to no miscarriage symptoms but I have been scanned twice and there is no doubt.

I will read the recommended leaflet now. I really appreciate you telling me that I won't just bleed.

With the Dr I think her wording etc was language issues, rather than her intentionally being harsh. However, in this situation it really didn't help. I went to see my GP yesterday who is calling the registrar this morning to discuss options and is then seeing me again today. He is also arranging a quick appointment at the hospital to see a different Dr, as I couldn't get one until next week.

I too am older ( been trying for 12 and a half years now), but started when I was young. It means we really want to try again ASAP. I am going to ask the hospital what tests they can give us etc to find out why I miscarry. Last time they examined the baby, because I was further along and there was a baby. They may not do anything though as this is only my second miscarriage (historically my probes have been getting pregnant).

Thanks for all of your help. I will go read the leaflet now.

Since you have been trying for so long and you are older you may be able to persuade them into relaxing the 3 miscarriages before testing rule. It is worth a try. I had two proper miscarriages and a previous chemical pregnancy and they did test me and found blood issues. It's always worth asking. Especially because in your last miscarriage there was a baby, and especially if the results from that baby were not abnormal.

You need to see a different doctor, who will give you the proper advice. I have lost 2 babies at 8 weeks, one I waited for natural mc - this took another ten days from no hb, and lasted about 5 days. I was not working at the time and was able to spend all this time mostly by myself, which worked for me. The other time, I opted for an ERPC and this was a much quicker process, and a bit easier (for me) to move on from as it was not so drawn out. I'm pg again and expecting to mc again and I will not wait, I will have medical management (pills) or another erpc. All the best, and sorry for your loss.

I am going to the hospital tomorrow, to see another doctor at last! Really want to go for medical intervention, as still not even bleeding, so can sort that out then. I am going to ask for tests. I had a blood test last time which was clear and they found nothing wrong with the baby. So I am thinking maybe chromosome tests to rule out or otherwise fragile x etc.

Thank you everyone for your help