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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

missed miscarriage, natural m'ment, do i go to work?

14 replies

susey · 16/09/2011 14:42

hi all. i was due my 12 wk scan today, but yesterday morning i started bleeding. Went to the hospital yesterday, found out i had/have a mmc. Foetus grew to around 8 wks. This was my/our first pregnancy.

Right now i'm bleeding, just like heavy period with cramps. I read this can last for a few wks. What do other people do at this stage... Should i go back into work on Monday? If i stay off work, how long do i stay off? Should i get my GP to give me a sick note?

I'd really love to hear people's experience of this, i haven't read anywhere what i should do for the next few wks while i'm technically having this miscarriage.

OP posts:
RupertTheBear · 16/09/2011 14:45

I took three weeks off - the doctor signed me off. It was very painful when I actually miscarried but then I bled for a while after. I had to have several follow up scans as it was incomplete.
I'm really sorry :(

Cheria · 16/09/2011 14:53

I had a MMC last year and had a D&C on the Friday and was back at work on the Monday (my OB GY Nlaughed when I asked for a sick note and said I'd have forgotton all about it by after the weekend).

I don't recommend it. Take the time you need - especially if your colleagues know you were pregnant. Mine did and they would hardly look at me on the Monday.

Depends on how you feel but the bleeding will get less over the next week or so even though it continues for a while so that wouldn't normally be a consideration.

Sorry to hear your news - it isn't easy - take the time you need.

WhatWouldLeoDo · 16/09/2011 15:01

I'm so sorry this has happened. It happened to me in my first pregnancy. Take some time off. Your GP will be able to sign you off. I took two weeks off and went back to work. I went back to work for a few days and then had to take another week off.

You really might not be physically able to go back to work on Monday depending on how the bleeding is over the weekend - I had a few days of needing to be very close to the bathroom. Beyond that, the bleeding wasn't too much of an issue. You also need time to come to terms with the emotional loss.

There comes a point when you know you have to move on and start looking forward, but that doesn't have to be today. Take care of yourself.

susey · 16/09/2011 15:34

Thank you for your replies everyone. Sorry you've all been through this. WhatWouldLeoDo - your story in particular really helps, i will take it one day at a time. Might go to my GP on Monday instead of work. So glad there is this resource/forum, the hospital really didnt give me any info on what to do now.

OP posts:
LIG1979 · 16/09/2011 15:56

I am so sorry - it really is a tough time that you are going through but things do get better. I wouldn't wish it on anyone....

It should be absolutely fine to get a sick note. I took a week off initially just for my emotional state although I was scared I would have a proper miscarriage as well and did not want to be too far from home as I work about an hour from home. I then took more time off for scans and eventually to have an ERPC. (Never normally take time off sick so this was a new one for me.)

I needed time off to sort myself out and as the hormones crashed I did have alot of bad times emotionally. Work wise it took a good month at least until I was working properly although after a week it was good to have something to take my mind off it all.

bugsylugs · 16/09/2011 16:03

susey so sorry to hear you are going through this. Know a bit of what you are experiencing.
I would have been 10 weeks tomorrow knew a few weeks ago things were wrong but was out of the country was stuck. got a scan with cons last Fri and followup this morning which confirms a missed mc. had elected for op but need more confirmation as scan done at 5+5 mums and last week not at the TRUST!!! so they need confirmation from the consultant to allow op. However they were great this morning gave me quite a bit of info and I have changed my mind for now am going to see what nature does on stopping progesterone pessaries.
I feel really really flat am desperate for this to be over so we can start IVF.
Reasons I have gone for natural, really struggling to fit op into work (complicated but joined partnership on 1/9/11 and very few of us here and I am covering several shifts!). They have told me that at 2 weeks they would scan if still bleeding and op if there are products remaining. I was worried it would drag and drag.
I really feel for you I was given several leaflets. Here they see all ladies at 2 weeks so you can discuss the miscarriage etc. They say if bleeding becomes heavy ie whilst sitting on toilet running or bleeding straight through sanitary wear to contact them immediately. I was given emergency numbers. they should have told you not to use tampons or similar.
They gave me a booklet form the miscarraige association have not read it. it is available online

Do not feel you have to go back to work do not feel you have to stay at home do what feels right.
I would feel furious if a gp would not sign you off. If they do telephone consultations they can do a sick note that way if you prefer.

Sorry it is so long

Good luck be kind to yourself I have done a comfort shop and am looking forward to some wine.

yawningbear · 16/09/2011 16:12

This happened to me too in my first pregnancy although I had to have a D & C, so am not sure as to how long you might bleed for but as others have said I would get your GP to sign you off for now. Of course everyone is different but regardless of the physical, emotionally it can be a really tough time, and it is important to go through that process I think. Take the time you need and take care of yourself and let those who know take care of you too.

WhatWouldLeoDo · 16/09/2011 23:07

I hope you're doing ok tonight OP. I remember going through a wide range of emotions. Soon after I found out I was a bit cold and detached about it - even travelling all the way to London for a friend's wedding (I'm in Scotland). But there were plenty of times I sobbed and sobbed.

It's a terrible cliche, but time really is a great healer, so take it day by day and you'll come through the other side.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 16/09/2011 23:10

So sorry this has happened to you - it is so sad, and just awful for anyone to go through Sad.

This happened to me during our third pregnancy, and I took a week off work. It took me a lot longer to get over it emotionally though - so just go very easy and gently on yourself, and do what you feel is right rather than what you think is right - if you know what I mean?

AnyoneButLulu · 16/09/2011 23:21

I had a miscarriage diagnosed on a Friday and went back to work on Monday - it was what felt right to me, I couldn't have faced having around at home with nothing to do except brood - I was much happier having work to keep my mind off it. Only one trusted work friend knew about the pg and mc, although we didn't discuss it at all it was great to have one person I could trust to support me silently and cover the fact that I couldn't speak when work colleagues announced their pgs. I couldn't have faced everybody knowing; I'd have seen it in every face that looked at me sympathetically.

But that's just what worked for me, you may feel very differently, and if you have too much bleeding you may not be able to go to work anyway.

I now have two adored DC, and wish you all the very best.

Jackstini · 16/09/2011 23:21

So sorry this has happened Susey. Everyone feels different so can only go by my experience.
I also found out at (11 wk) scan that had had mmc. I chose to try and wait for natural management. (followed by D&C if not completed after 3 weeks)
I actually had a holiday & a work trip booked so was panicking and the midwife that spoke to me was brilliant. She said it was entirely up to me but that sadly nothing would bring my baby back and that I should do whatever I needed to get through it.
I worked solid for a week, went on work trip, then went away with family (and got very drunk most nights on both tbh).
Natural didn't happen so I had ERPC the week after. It was a shitty time but for me I felt better doing something than just waiting.
I had no real physical pain as the natural mc never happened.
The emotional pain is very hard so do be kind to yourself - also don't forget your dp/dh. Everyone concentrates on the woman but they have lost a baby too - mine was devastated and took him longer to get over it than me as he couldn't feel the physical parts.
Thinking of you.

susey · 17/09/2011 00:09

Thank you for your replies everyone, it's so reassuring. I cant reply individually right now, but thank you

OP posts:
shortlady · 17/09/2011 11:44

I had a week off, but took it easy the first week back. My boss knew and was very sympathetic. Just finished first week back in work and it went ok but was very tired. Take what you need, everyone is different. I asked my midwife, and she said go back to work soon if I wanted, or take 3 weeks (or more) off if you need it. I spent a lot of time on internet looking up how much time I should take off, but there is nothing set in stone, you should see you you fel xx

tumblebug · 17/09/2011 23:47

Hi Susey, last month I had a MC, started bleeding (on a Wednesday) just before 12 weeks. Baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks but sac had carried on. I was on holiday at the time, and like you was wondering about going back to work - physically I felt pretty normal at first. The bleeding got heavier, then large clots, also contraction like pain, then the next day (sunday) passed a large amount of clot/ tissue. After that the bleeding gradually tailed off. (lasted about 4 weeks in total). I felt really weak afterwards. I had hoped to go back to work on the Thursday, but when i went to the EPU for repeat scan, I was told to take at least another week off, and given sick note for 2 weeks. DH made me do as I was told. I was quite relieved really, as I think I would have struggled physically.

I think I could have managed to go back the following monday (a week after passing the sac), although it would have been a struggle. (I started doing some bits from home). I went back on the Thursday (don't work Weds), and coped OK. This was 2 weeks after I started bleeding/

I was really surprised how much it took out of me physically - it felt like I was recovering from nasty flu (that really weak feeling) but it went on longer, hormones all over the place etc. That's before the emotional side.

It's only in the last few days (5 weeks on) that I'm really feeling back to normal physically.

Of course it'll be different for everyone and I hope you'll have an easier time, but I was not expecting it to be this bad. I'm not good at being ill/ having time off, and didn't want people to ask why I'd been off, if I was better etc. (I just smile and say 'nothing serious, better now thanks').

Try not to expect too much, see how you go and be honest with yourself - if you don't feel up to working, don't - look after yourself, you'll know when you're ready physically and mentally to go back to work.

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