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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Missed miscarriage - what next?

39 replies

GizmoHoHo · 08/12/2005 11:35

What to do, what to do????
On tuesday, at (supposedly) 7+2 weeks pregnant, a nasty bleed sent me straight into my local EPU, where they were very sweet, gave me hot chocolate, examined me and scanned me, and confirmed my baby had not made it past the six week mark .
The thing is, the bleed, although heavy, was brief, and the cervix is still closed, so I hadn't had a miscarriage as such and now have the great choice of waiting for a natural miscarriage, or having a medical/surgical intervention to finish the process.
I thought at first I'd prefer things to take their natural course, but after 48 hours in limbo, I'm not so sure. I think I want this part of the process to be over and not to be stuck in grief's waiting room for any longer than I have to be.
Can I ask you guys about experiences of the surgical/medical (ie miscarriage induced through drugs) paths? How did they affect you physically and emotionally? What about the aftermath: did you get back on an even keel with your cycles again? One of my overwhelming feelings right now is that I just want to get pregnant again as quickly as possible: not to forget this pregnancy, but because I had so much to look forward to....and now it's gone....
Advice, please?

OP posts:
GizmoHoHo · 09/12/2005 11:12

I'm going to go into the EPU this afternoon to sign some consent forms, which will no doubt upset me quite enough, so maybe they might be able to schedule something when they see me.

The lovely nurse on the end of the phone said in a sort of 'hint, hint' manner, 'we could admit you for emergency surgery if you're bleeding heavily' but I'm not even spotting at the moment, so that's not an option for me.

If I go down the medical route, I can start that procedure this Sunday and the second round of drugs will be on Tuesday. Just wasn't expecting to go the medical route, so have to adjust my expectations, which takes a bit of time at the moment (never the most flexible person, me)

OP posts:
Loulou14 · 09/12/2005 11:34

The NHS is so rubbish with dealing with these things! I wish you all the best Gizmo.

Regarding telling people - to this day only a hand full of people know I have had two miscarriages and fortunately only one of those is a trusted friend at work. Personally I couldn't bear all the sympathy and people not knowing what to say - for me it has been so much easier for people not to know. But, everyone is different, some people find it easier to tell but I have been the opposite and consequently felt it has been easier to move on.

Good luck - thinking of you...

Arabica · 09/12/2005 12:31

Gizmo, so sorry to hear your news. When I had my missed m/c last February, I was around 10 weeks. I wasn't offered the medical option as I'm asthmatic, and the tablets aren't suitable; and I hadn't bled at all so I didn't want to wait to see if things would happen naturally. So had an ERPC, which was actually quite cathartic. I felt pretty yuck afterwards for a week, but only really because I was already ill (had had an asthma attack and had been in hospital when discovered the m/c). The antibiotics I was given gave me irritable bowel symptoms though. Normal cycle seemed to resume immediately as I had a period about 27 days later.
I also find it hard to talk about things as personal as this but actually my friends were great and I was glad I'd confided in them. Oh and posting on here was brilliant too.
Another thing is, once the pg hormones leave your system you will begin to feel much better...honest. This is a horrible limbo time to be in and I really do feel for you.

BibiJesus · 09/12/2005 17:15

Gizmo, very sorry to hear what you're going through. My advice would be to wait for the natural course of things. I was told at 16 weeks that my baby hadn't made it past about 14 wks and was given the option of ERPC or a tablet to induce labour.

My first, gut reaction was "you're not taking my baby out of me" and I opted for the "birth" route. I had my doubts and worries about it, but know it was the right thing to do for myself mentally. I had time to give birth to my baby and see him and say goodbye, and then process my grief instead of waking up and finding it all taken care of for me.

This is only my opinion and I've no doubt many women find comfort from having the physical side taken out of their hands, so all I can say is take your gut reaction - your mind and heart knows whats best for you.

Good luck. xxx

BibiJesus · 09/12/2005 17:17

As for the compulsion to tell people - I had that too. Must be a way of dealing with things.

GizmoHoHo · 13/12/2005 19:37

It's all over now guys. Feel both sad and relieved (need wierd + emoticon).

Eventually had a 'natural' miscarriage on Monday evening, following the first tablet in an induced miscarriage on Sunday at my EPU. Miscarried at home and in a way it was exactly the right place for it to happen: didn't feel horribly medicalised, had a girlfriend with me for support and was able to get straight into bed and fall asleep after, all cried out but in a safe place.

Have spent the day today in the EPU having the second part of the medical procedure anyway, 'just to be sure' as the ward sister said and it was reassuring in a way, although mind blowingly boring. Of course, my uterus laughed in the face of their man made prostaglandin and hardly bothered with any contractions, but emotionally it helped to have a professional to talk to about things and try to make sense of the past week.

Coming home was the worst bit because DH had gone out and I was alone. I realised then that all this support really matters, so I wanted to say thanks to all of you for being around and for your advice. Hopefully I will never need it again! (at least on this issue )

OP posts:
strawberry · 13/12/2005 19:45

So sorry gizmo. Take some time for yourself and your dh.

This happened to me too (although I did need ERPC). I guess you may not feel like thinking about the future right know but if it's any consolation I got pg straight away and ds2 was born last April. Take care

OhTickletownofbethlehem · 13/12/2005 20:48

Hi Gizmo - so sorry you had to go through this, but good to know the physical part is all over.

Went thru similar a couple of years ago, discovered at 11 wks that the embryo hadn't made it past 7 wks. Had that urge to tell people (only closest family knew) I think because I wanted recognition for the little one that might have been.

However, conceived straight away (not really intentionally!) with no period in between and dd2 is now 20 mths & our fourth is due in 3 wks! So good luck, and lots of to you and the family.

santageorgeiscomingtotown · 14/12/2005 10:56

Gizmo, I'm glad the worst is over for you.
Take it very easy over the next few weeks / months. I know I was up & down like anything for a while.

When you are ready, the TTC after m/c threads can be a huge support as your whole attitude towards TTC can change and sharing it with other ladies who understand can be a great help.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

bluetoo · 16/02/2006 14:34

Hi Gizmo,
I am going through something similar at the moment, on Valentines day was the day i was due my first scan, we was so very excited, it would of been at the 13 weeks mark, but on friday the 10th I started to bleed lightly, i called the doctors and they told me to go to the epu, I didn't think the baby was going to be dead, i just thought we would get an earlier scan and they say its normal to get a bit of bleeding sometimes, How wrong was i, they started to scan me but didn't say anything, i looked at my hubby and they still didn't say anything, they said they would need to do an internal scan, so they did and they still didn't say anything and 2 nurses were looking at the screen, then at last they said something, they said that they were sorry and that they couldn't find a heart beat, then they said a doctor will speak to you, and everything else was a blur, i didn't think it would happen to me, none of my friends had any problems, they said that my baby was about the size of 6 weeks old and, the sac was the size of about 12 weeks. I opted for the medical way because i am so scared of a General, they made me take a pill there and then which i did but it made me feel terrible, i came back to the hospital 2 days later, and had the internal tablets that made me dilate, i went from no pain to excruciating pain within 10 mins, it was awful, they gave me a pethindene injection which seemed to make it worse, i went all dizzy and sick and my arms had pins and needles, i felt the need to keep going to the loo, and i was so hot i felt like i was going to pass out, so they gave me another injection for the sikness and 2 painkillers and after 10 mins i felt alot better, I thought i had a high pain threshold but after that i would defiantley have a epidural for actual birth, anyway there was a lot of blood and it actually felt like my waters broke and there was about 3 big clots, one was so big like a lump of liver, but the murses checked it and they said it was just blood clots, I had to go to the toilet in bed pans, which the nurses just left them sitting there for hours at a time, it was really bad, i decided to stay over night because i wanted to be in the hospital if anything happened, but nothing did, i was then told to come back in a week to see if it happens naturally and have a scan if it isn't clear i will have to have the scrape, I'm at home just waiting for the week to be up, my blood has got much less and i don't think its coming, i even had breast milk cover my nighty and the bed last night, which made me really sad. If anything it has made me want a baby more, but until this nightmare is over i can't think about the future, I know one thing i'm going to be scared as hell when i'm pregnant next time, i will think the worse defiantley until i give birth, can anyone give me some hope?

Gizmo · 16/02/2006 14:48

Yes Bluetoo, I can, I hope.

You're in a horrid situation - waiting for things to be over before you can take any positive steps. It must hurt like hell.

I found this the worst bit because I felt vaguely guilty that I was wanting to 'get rid' of my baby. But it's not your fault the m/c happened and there's nothing more you can do for that baby now: you need to think about yourself - grieve a bit, give yourself some time to heal up physically and mentally and then, perhaps, start looking forward to another baby.

I didn't have an ERPC procedure but I'm sure it will give you some closure and be a lot more comfortable than the medical process you have just described.

I'm now pregnant again (no idea what the due date is as I didn't wait for a full cycle before I conceived again - naughty!) and I won't deny that this pregnancy has a shadow over it - I shall never again go into a scan fully expecting it to be a joyful experience - but I think the key thing is to hold onto what the future can offer you. Just take one day at a time, and think about how tough you are to have done this.

Good luck.

bluetoo · 17/02/2006 10:34

Thanks Gizmo,
I really appreciated your reply, Good Luck with the pregnancy and I hope that you never have to go through anything like this ever again, my thoughts are with you.
xxxbig hugsxxx (smile)

HellKat · 17/02/2006 10:41

I'm currently pg after a missed mc April last year. It is absolutely terrifying! I bled for roughly 4 weeks of it and was told that I'd mc but here I am 10 wks, still pg and babba's healthy.
You'll get there soon hun. Hang in there.
Love & best wishes.
I'm a graduate from the ttc after mc thread. Those girls are wonderful and definitely helped me through those horrible dark moments.
xxxxx

bluetoo · 17/02/2006 11:06

It must have been terrible to bleed for 4 weeks and be expecting to miscarry, how in limbo must you have felt, you can't make plans in your head on anything, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

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