Missed miscarriage - what next?

[GizmoHoHo]

What to do, what to do????
On tuesday, at (supposedly) 7+2 weeks pregnant, a nasty bleed sent me straight into my local EPU, where they were very sweet, gave me hot chocolate, examined me and scanned me, and confirmed my baby had not made it past the six week mark .
The thing is, the bleed, although heavy, was brief, and the cervix is still closed, so I hadn't had a miscarriage as such and now have the great choice of waiting for a natural miscarriage, or having a medical/surgical intervention to finish the process.
I thought at first I'd prefer things to take their natural course, but after 48 hours in limbo, I'm not so sure. I think I want this part of the process to be over and not to be stuck in grief's waiting room for any longer than I have to be.
Can I ask you guys about experiences of the surgical/medical (ie miscarriage induced through drugs) paths? How did they affect you physically and emotionally? What about the aftermath: did you get back on an even keel with your cycles again? One of my overwhelming feelings right now is that I just want to get pregnant again as quickly as possible: not to forget this pregnancy, but because I had so much to look forward to....and now it's gone....
Advice, please?

Oh sweetheart, I have no idea, but I couldn't not post - be kind to yourself. I'm so sorry

I think it's best to give it a bit more of a chance to happen naturally. Better for you, from what I know.

I've had two miscarriages, one of which was diagnosed by scan, but then properly happened half a week later. (I've also had two successful pregnancies, and have two happy healthy little boys.) Both times, I was pregnant again a couple of months after the miscarriage.

I'm sure there are people on here who've had the interventions for miscarriages.

Gizmo, I am sorry to hear your news
My circs were different as I was 21 weeks and it was felt essential to get labour started with drugs for me as my baby was thought to have been dead for a week when I was scanned.
Just to say that my cycle reverted to normal very quickly after a drug-induced labour, within a month in fact, and like NQC, I got successfully pregnant with dd very soon afterwards, within three months.
I hope someone who has had direct experience of your sad dilemma is along soon.

I'm very sorry to hear your news Gizmo. I suffered my 2nd miscarriage last week. Similar to you, the baby did not get past 6 weeks and I started to lose at the end of 7 weeks. Both times i opted for the natural route although this time I did have misgivings as it did seem to take an age to start and I felt in limbo. I can't advise on the surgical route but I think it's difficult to move forwards until you can get some closure and as you say, it will just delay any future attempts to get pregnant. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide.

Thanks munker, that's sweet.

I'm all of a tizz about the sad bits, tbh. I do feel sad and sporadically cry, but still feel it was a blessing that the pregnancy didn't get past this very early stage: I don't know how anyone who has to go through this with a 14 week old pregnancy could bear it...

So I'm at work at the moment, clinging on to some normality, because actually I don't like feeling sad and doing stuff (even if it is just lurking on mumsnet) distracts me. But I have to make this wretched decision, and then I'll have to go into hospital for a day or so, and that will mean explanations to various people, which I won't be able to manage without many tears and much sadness and, blimey, I wish it hadn't happened......

I haven't experienced miscarriage but if I was in your situation, I'd discuss how long it's considered safe to leave things to happen naturally with the medical staff - and then make a decision together (if it hasn't happened by x then y will happen) rather than have it imposed. many of the MNers who've m/c speak of a desire to be pregnant again quickly and are often successful so that's a perfectly natural reaction.

I'm so sorry about your news.
I had a missed m/c back in Jan and decided to have an ERPC rather than wait for anything to happen naturally. It was pretty straightforward and. although terribly upsetting, I'm glad it was over with quickly as I felt like I could start on the road to recover.

My periods came back reasonably quickly although a bit erratic to begin with, I was lucky enough to conceive again 10 wks following the ERPC (my first normal cycle) and am expecting our little bundle in 3 weeks time.

It took me a lot to get over the m/c and I will never forget the baby that could have been but at the same time I am so grateful that I have this one to meet soon.

Be very kind to yourself xxx

The medical staff at the Rosie seemed to think that it wouldn't be unreasonable to wait a week, but after 10 days they would be 'calling me up to check how things were going', which to me suggests they'll be recommending an intervention.

So I know this won't be an open ended process. Realistically, I need to have decided by next week what to do. I'm inclined towards the surgical route, because of my DS. Physically I'm pretty tough, and likely to recover quickly, so I reckon the impact of a surgery (which at least has a defined 'end' point, unlike the medical process) would be less on him than several days of mummy in pain and unable to get around very easily.

Gizmo, I have heard that the natural process can be very upsetting and unpleasant. With the op, it is all over whilst you are out under a general and you are only in hospital for day surgery.
I was also warned that I may still have to have the op even if I chose the natural route as sometimes it does not all come away cleanly.

Obviously I only have experience of the ERPC route and therefore other people may have much better opinions of the natural route, but I personally was so glad I chose it.

Yes, I've heard that, too, SaintGeorge. However, part of me is attracted to the idea of sticking with it to the bitter end because...well, because I'd feel I'd done my best for my embryo, rather than handing it over to someone else.

On re-reading that it sounds a) mad b) melodramatic and c) very insensitive. Sorry. It is true, though.

gizmo, do your best for you too, love

It is such a tough decision to make especially at such a traumatic time. I do think that missed m/cs are particularly cruel.

Whatever decision you make, the most important thing is to take time for you.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

Hi, sorry to hear about this Gizmo. When I had a missed misscariage I opted to book in for an ERPC (because I wanted to get things over and done with) but they couldn't fit me in for a few days and in the meantime I miscarried naturally. It was really quite painful and took about 12 hours from start to finish, after which I passed the sack into the toilet. I didn't look at it (too upset) and flushed it down. It was pretty unpleasant but physically I made a very quick recovery. A lot of people who miscarry naturally don't experience much physical pain though.

It's a difficult decision isn't it. Mine happened very soon after I started to bleed (about 2 days) so at least it was over with quickly.

I got pg again quite quickly too.

Hope that helps. BTW, the Miscarriage Association have a website - might be worth having a look on there (sorry, no time to do link, need to go and do lunch for dses).

It's a horrible situation to be in. I've been there twice, the first at 6+2, I started to bleed, was scanned told to wait a week in which I had sporadic bleeding (not too heavy), then was scanned again and everything had gone. I had a period 4 weeks later.

The second time I got to 11 weeks and started to bleed and bleed and bleed. I was scanned, told it was a missed miscarriage that it hadn't got past 6 weeks and to come back in a week for another scan 'just in case' as my dates could be wrong. (I knew they definitely weren't.) That was a horrific week of on and off extremely heavy painful bleeding and two trips to casualty. Finally after the second scan they said I could wait for nature to take it's course but they would recommend I had an ERPC as even though there was no feotus the sac was still growing. I was terrified as I had never had an op of any kind before and dreaded the thought of staying in hospital but I couldn't bear the thought of more pain, bleeding and casualty only to find a week later at the next scan it still hadn't passed naturally.

Anyway, I opted for the ERPC, I was very fortunate as I have BUPA and was able to have it all done at the local private hospital. I saw a consultant there the same day and was admitted that evening. I stayed overnight and left the next morning. I had a tiny amount of bleeding for the rest of that day and that was it. Emotionally it was a horrible time but physically the ERPC was the best thing I could have done.

The general advice after an ERPC is to wait 3 periods until trying again. But my consultant said he was happy for us to wait only one. I was like you Gizmo - determined to keep trying. We did and after only one cycle I'm happy to say I'm 16 weeks pregnant.

Congrats Loulou. Thanks everyone for your encouragement - thank heavens you're there.

Well, I've just done a pregnancy test and it's only coming up with a very faint positive, which suggests my hormone levels are falling. Hopefully things might start naturally over the weekend as a result, otherwise I think I shall be booking myself into the EPU next week for surgery...just want to start again, really.

Thanks again people.

Gizmo - I had an EPRC on Friday. I can't speak for the NHS experience as I was incredibly lucky and had private healthcare for this, but the operation experience was ok. I mean, I'm devastated - don't get me wrong. But there's no need to be scared of the actual procedure. It was quick, I felt warm and comfortable thoughout, the general anaesthetic is a short one which doesn't leave you feeling grotty, and there wasn't too much bleeding afterwards. After that's all over, you get the rest of the bleeding, like a less-painful version of a miscarriage, but like you I just wanted to get it over with. And I'm glad I did. As soon as the bleeding stops, we're trying again, and my consultant actually encouraged us to as there's no evidence that you need to wait more than a few days.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I also recently had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. We found out at the dating scan that our baby had died a number of weeks earlier. I chose to have a medical miscarriage as we had already effectively tried the natural route. I think the medical option is meant to have less risk of infection and for me was also preferably to the surgical route because there was no general anasthetic. I was in the Rosie hospital for a day (between 8 and 4pm) and the staff were very kind. It wasn't particularly painful, and though the bleeding was fairly extensive, I was very glad that this was taking place in hospital and not at home. I completely understand your desire to get pregnant as soon as possible. I felt exactly the same way. The only thing I would say is that for me there were lots of different stages involved in dealing with the miscarriage (feeling sad for my baby, feeling sad for me, feeling generally miserable, wanting to understand why miscarriages happen, gradually accepting and begining to feel better etc) and I think it would have been even more traumatic if I had got pregnant straight away. Pregnancy after miscarriage is never the same. (This is my second - first one at six and a half weeks.) My period started 30 days exactly after the miscarriage - pretty sure I didn't ovulate that cycle, but did the next and now back to normal. Good luck with whatever you decide. It's a horrible time, but it does get better.

Gizmo, I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. My hospital made me wait two weeks and rescan in order to confirm that the diagnosis was correct. At that second scan it was very clear to me. I didn't want to have it naturally because I just didn't want to see it or have to manage it. I wanted someone else to sort it out and take it away. After the ERPC I had no physical pain at all (and none before). But the emotional pain was terrible.

We decided not to try again for a while but to focus on our careers - i.e. something we had control over - and enjoying ds1. However, after just 2 months we went on holiday and my Grandad died, and between the two factors we decided to give it a go, and got pg straight away (the mc had taken us 6 months to conceive). In retrospect it was far too soon. I refused to make any concession to being pg - in fact I carried on looking for promotion because I was so convinced I would lose this one too. I ended up being diagnosed with depression at 24 weeks and being signed off work. I was really unwell. I don't know if waiting a bit longer would have helped.

I don't mean to bring you down, instead I just want to say avoid my mistakes. Anything you feel is right. What you want is right. Don't do things because you think it is the right way to feel or grieve. And you have a right to change your mind too. Keep talking about how you're feeling and know that what you are feeling is the right thing to be feeling.

I am thinking of you.

oh, and btw ds2 is absolutely gorgeous and is 7 months old today!

So, so sorry for you loss hun.
I had a missed m/c back in April. I went for my 11 wk scan to find it had died 3 wks previous. I decided to let nature take it's course but after 4 days nothing was happening and due to how long it had been in there, it was decided it would be best for an erpc. I went in the morning, did'nt have to wait too long, had it done and home a few hours later. I bled very, very badly ( but always have been prone to that) and felt as normal as to be expected. I was one of the unlucky ones though that needed a repeat proceedure a month later due to "retained products" but that's rare and still felt ok. Once the second one was done, it took a couple of months for periods to get back to normal 100%. No side effects either.
Start trying as soon as you feel ready hun. There's no right or wrong time to after a m/c. Have a look at the Miscarriage association website.www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk.
They are truly fantastic.
Love, luck and best wishes. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
P.s I'm on a fab thread called ttc after m/c, feel free to join us. x

Thanks everyone: I shall think hard about what you've said and I'm feeling stronger now I have a plan. I don't doubt this is going to be a long and rocky road, but it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Got to go home now and ring my mum to tell her . We only told my parents about the pregnancy last weekend - they were delighted - I'm just gutted that I have to tell them this now....

Another thought while I'm here: what did you all do about telling people? We had told practically no-one that I was pregnant (even DH's parents don't know) so now I'm faced with the prospect of telling people who didn't even know I was pregnant, that I have miscarried. Normally you'd have to stick pins in me before I'd spontaneously 'share' that level of personal strife, but I have this strange compulsion to tell people what's happened. No idea why.

I hope it went well telling your parents. I had to write a script before I rang them, and read it out! They didn't even know we were pregnant, so I had to tell them it all at once.

We had told no-one at all, so in theory no-one needed to know. However, everyone does know now. It sort of came out, and people got to know anyway. I've told quite a few people just because it is theraputic to do so. Use email for difficult ones - we did!

Well mum cried, I cried (of course) and we generally agreed it was sad. Of course.

I've just rung my EPU. Stupidly, I guess, I had thought I'd be able to call up, say I needed an ERPC and they'd fit me in next week. In fact, it seems 'there's a lot of it about' and because they only run this surgery on Mondays, I can't get surgery until the 19th.

BAH! and GRRRRR!

I can't stand another week of this. So I shall have to go down the medical (drug-induced) route. My brain is very slow at the moment, and adjusting my expectations makes the cogs creak loudly; it's a strain. Moan, whinge - sorry, but it feels better if I let off steam here.

Now I have to tell my boss, preferably without major waterworks. If I can do this, I can do anything

Gizmo, that sounds really peculiar that they are making you wait so long.
My EPU was so apologetic that I had to wait over a weekend for my ERPC let alone 10 days.
Can you speak to your GP to see if they can do anything to speed the process up for you.

gizmo, go to A&E.
Im so sorry to hear of your loss, its a very hard emotional thing to go through. I have lost 2 babies through miscarriage and wouldnt wish it on anybody. My first was at 7 weeks back in July 2004 and it happened naturally and was hard to deal with the bleeding etc. My second was in Jan 2005 and i knew i had lost my baby so went to A&E and refused to move till i had had another scan to confirm what i knew then i insisted on ERPC which they booked me in for the very next day. They could see i was distressed and were great about it. Having the ERPC was very emotionally draining but i found it easier to cope with as bleeding wasnt as bad after 24 hours so managed to continue as best i could. I also think the ERPC prepared me for my current pregnancy which was unplanned and im having my baby on 19th Dec so although the pain hasnt gone away there really is hope after miscarriage. sending you thoughts and prayers. Hope you can get the op moved forward and make the medical staff see its importnant.