feel traumatised by miscarriage

[carocaro]

Hi there, I had a miscarraige yesturday, I feel so traumatised, it was so brutal, I feel so violated by all the internal exams, blood etc. I can't even look at myself today. Anyone else feel like this?

yes. it's hideous isn't it. I look at my big wobbly empty belly and hate myself. But this is all normal and sadly part of the process. I'm so sorry you have had a miscarriage. You need to speak to other people who have experienced the same thing as you - it really does help.
Each day something will get a tiny bit easier and a little better. Just hang in there and look after yourself.

Agree with DHW. I had a miscarriage in October at 21 weeks and it was awful. But, things have got better. Each day I find myself feeling a bit stronger than the day before. I still cry over my loss and I know I will find it unbearable on my due date but for now I take comfort from having great friends who've seen me through this awful time.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Things will get better, I promise you that.

So sorry for your loss.
There's a great thread caleld ttc after mc - you don't have to be trying ttc though to go on there. They are a fabulous bunch of very suportive women who do know and can understand how you feel. They will give you all the support they can.

So sorry to hear of your loss hun. {{{{hugs}}}}
I'm on the thread that XmasSpub's talking about (even though not actively ttc at the mo). They've been a marvellous support especially as everyone has had m/c's before. I suffered my 4th back in April.
If you need us we're here xx

Sorry to hear what you're going through.
I had a miscarriage 3 yrs ago -it took a week to happen and during that time I was backwards and forwards to the EPAU having blood tests, scans etc. You do feel violated at the time (even when treated sympathetically by medical staff) but that feeling won't last forever.
Don't be hard on yourself, in time things will feel better. Until then, talk to people (RL or MN) as that can help you through this difficult time x

It's a horrible time. I've had one 9-week miscarriage, then DS1, then another 11-week miscarriage, then DS2. Both miscarriages were really horrible, and, to some extent, added a lot of stress to the later pregnancies.

But the pain does get better, over time.

Carocaro - so, so sorry about your loss, the way you feel is totally normal. i went through sadness and anger pretty much straight away. What you have been through is a major trauma, on all of your body and mind. If you feel like sharing more details please do, it often helps to share it all. People in real life may not know what to say and will be scared to ask about it, for fear of upsetting you. But i found talking on here a major help.
How far along were you? are you miscarrying naturally or did you have a d&C? do you have any other children?

Really sorry to hear your news.
I miscarried at 7 weeks. Felt guilty for being so upset..I was only 7 weeks!!!
I felt so un womenly for a while after. I felt as though I had failed. I told no one..mumsnetters are the only people to know other than my DH and children and our parents. I told non of my RL friends

Sorry to jear your news.

I miscarried at 9 weeks and had to have an ERPC and a Laproscopy as they thought there was also an eptopic. I felt as though I had failed as well. Mumsnet kept me sane. I still have bad days when I feel low even though I have gone on to have a beautiful little boy since.

The only advice I can give you is to allow yourself to grieve. Talk as much as you can to those closest to you it does help. Also if you feel that your sadness is getting out of control go speak to the G and ask for help. Many health authorities run really good councelling teams.

appologies for the typing errors.

i had my 3rd miscarriageon nov 10th my 1st was a boy at 19wks 2nd was a twin pregnancy boy/girl at 22wks 3rd was another twin pregnancy at 15wks all natrual conception all caused by strep b which on my 1st twin loss i ended up with septecimia on hdu how will i ever get past 26wks wih this bacteria that kills my babies and could kill me

I'm really sorry to hear your news - I miscarried in April 2004 - I planted a little tree to remember and every April it flowers and every April I'll have a little cry - ops crying now at the thought of it! Speak about it a much as you can - don't bottle it up and remember if you want to try again - your very very likely to succeed with no problems - I now have a 12 week old - shes helping me tyepe!!!

mellon1971 our posts crossed - I so sorry - is there nothing that can be done to stop the strep b from doing such damage?

at the moment the docs say there is not a lot an preg women only get tessted at 37wks well some 1 like me wont get that far an even if i did and had step b still my baby would b at risk of catching it 2 which could lead 2 death an abnormalities if u search for step b info u would b teriffied and b asking the same questions as me y arent all preg women tested

all they can offer r antibiotics an they dont like 2 give them 2 freely as the strp b is resistent 2 them thou i have heard that there is a cream available tho i have searched 4 info an found nothing as yet

Good luck - I found I had group b strep just before baby was born and had the antibiotics as I went in to final stages of labour - I hope you can find this cream - I had an antibiotic cream called fucidin once?

I'm so sorry. I had one in 2001, it's the most horrendous thing. it happened at around 8 weeks but was 'missed' and we only found out a day or two before we were about to tell everyone, at 12 weeks. Then it took another week or so to actually 'come away' (hate that phrase). Had no support from (all male) colleagues, boss wanted me back in work straight away. Then it felt as though all my friends started to announce they were pregnant over the next six months and I felt incredibly guilty for not being able to be totally happy for them. Felt like I was ruining their joy. I agree with the others, talk as much as you can. It's a cliche but I bottled it up and ended up very depressed. It does get easier, though, it takes time but it does.

I vowed not to come on mumsnet for a few weeks while I recover, but carocaro - me too. I had a d+c on Friday after early scans showed it had died, and I'm sat at home today in bits. The worst moment is waking up in the morning, and remembering what's happened. But as each day crawls by, there are little bits I can like and be grateful for, and they help. I hate the fact that no-one talks about miscarriages, so we've been open with all our friends and employers. Some of them are useless, some of them express vague sympathy then run away embarassed, but some of them have turned out to be absolute saviours at a time like this. Talk to people and you will find support, including in some unlikely places.

And on the physical side, try to rest. I didn't realise how much pain and bleeding followed even a d+c. Take care of yourself, but don't worry if you don't care much about eating 'properly' right now. People keep telling me it will all feel a little better soon enough.

thanks all, i feel a bit better, I am so sore and still bleeing, not as much. I feel so numb, I have cried at bit and feel like going into a field and screaming. I can't face anyone, it's nativity tomorrow, for my son, it will be the first time I have gone out, I could do without it. I feel guilty now for wishing it was not tommorow. I wish people who mean well to stop trying to jolly me along, I just need to be left be. I can deal with the loss of the baby, natures way and all that, but I can't deal with the severity and trauma of it all eg: fainting, blood and clots everywhere, on the floor, all over my feet, oxygen, drips, monitors, the feeling of blood just pouring out of me, the horrific pain, I thought I was going to die, that sounds dramatic but I have never had that feeling before. I was on my own as my husband was at home looking after our son, it was 2am. Sorry if this is TMI, but to have a gynae person just right up and rumaging around and feeling and hearing stuff just being pulled out. I feel so violated, I know it was necessary but I felt like I was being butchered. I can't get it all over to my husnamd and don't want to scare him. What do I do with all this shock and traumatisation? I am really all over the place, where is my normal? Will I get it back? Just feel so flat. (sad)

carocaro,
I am so sorry for your loss.
It is so hard. You are not alone. There are so many of us out there and on mumsnet. I have shared my expereinces and have had some much support from everyone on here. There is no way I could have got thru the last year without the caring support on here.

I had my first m/c on september 22 2004. I was so scared and pretended everything was fine. I remember going in and waiting for the anesthetic. They had problems getting the needle in and ended up having to gas me. I was terrified. My last thought was of my dad who had dies in June 2004. I remeber thinking I was going to wake up and see him. I was convinced I was going to die.
When I woke I was calling out for him. The woman in the next bed who was in the recovery room knew I was with Dh and just kept repeating that he was there waiting for me. It was awful. Just like you I cried for days. It was the worst experience of my life. I understand now that this has happened for a reason and that one day I will hold my own baby.
I am sure that our angels are looking down at us. They are in safe hands.
Please take good care of yourself and remember we are here day and night...
Hugs

I think one of the worst parts for me was as they wheeled me down to theatre (where I had to be gased first as they couldn't get the drips in) we passed an auxillary pushing a hospital crib with a tiny baby in on the way to scbu I just dried buckets and the woman with me told me not to be daft as I was still young and could try again. She didn't seem to realise that this wasn't the point.

Carocaro - Hun, I am so sorry to hear of your MC How did you get on today at DS nativity?

You have been through so much, mentally and physically, and it will take time to come to terms with it all. You must take your time, there is no time limit on this. I have recently learnt, after my MC in August, that I am still findng it hard to come to terms with. I can get on with day to day life, but it still affects me, everyday. I tried so hard to make myself better and just get on with life, for the sake of those around me. I thought they might think I was milking it a bit. But it only made things worse, I began to get depressed and it all backfired. Anyway, what I am trying to say (very badly) is that you must look after yourself, take it easy, and ignore those who tell you that "it wasn't meant to be" or "it wasn't really a baby" etc etc. They think they mean well, so just smile sweetly then forget they said it.

I really hope things get better, and they will in time, and only you can decide how long it will take.

I am thinking of you Carocaro, I have been there and it hurts like hell, but you will get through it. Love to you hun, and {{{{{hugs}}}}}
xxxxxx

Thanks all, I feel better today, my hormones seemed to have settled, helps me get a grip. My son's nativity was so cute, it did put a big smile on my face, I did have to bite my lips a few times as the tears were starting to well up. It felt good to be out, but could not face the others parents for a chats. I was wondering about anti-depressants, I hate Jan/Feb at the best of times, and I feel half way on the slope down, I'd rather get some now and give them chance to work, before I get really in the dumps. I dunno, just a thought, am of to the docs nextg week for a chat/checkup. Thanks everyone, it is so reassuring to know I am not alone, it means a lot. xxxxxxxxx

carocaro - glad to hear that you have found something to smile about. If you feel you are on the downward slope have a chat with the gp about either ad's or councelling as you say it is better to get help as soon as you realise you are on that slippery slide rather than waiting till it all gets to much.