MISCARRIAGE AT 5+ WKS

[NESSAPOWSEY]

HI IM NEARLY 39 I ALREADY HAVE 4 CHILDREN , MY ELDEST IS 20 AND THE YOUNGEST IS 3 , I HAVE HAD 3 MISCARRIAGES THE FIRST ONE WAS SEPT 2009 AND THEY CONFIRMED IT WAS A MOLAR PREGNANCY HAD TO HAVE FOLLOW UPS FOR 6 MTHS AFTER HAVING THE D&C DONE AFTER THOSE 6 MTHS HAD PAST IT TOOK A YR TO FALL PREGNANT AGAIN I FOUND OUT JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS 2010 THEN IN JAN 2011 I WENT FOR A SCAN I WAS GETTING PAINS BUT NO BLEEDING , BUT THEN THEY CONFIRMED IT BY THE SCAN I HAD ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE , MY THOUGHTS WHERE OMG NOT AGAIN I JUST BROKE DOWN IN TEARS BUT WAT COULD I DO , I FELT SO EMPTY , I WASNT THAT FAR GONE JUST 5 WKS BUT IT STILL HURT SO MUCH THEN I WENT IN HOSPITAL FOR THE D&C IN JAN , WE WASNT GOING TO TRY AGAIN BUT IT DID , WE HAD JUST RECENTLY MOVED INTO OUR NEW HOUSE IN MAY THIS YR WE WHERE OVER THE MOON WE THOUGHT A FRESH START NEW HOUSE NEW BABY , BUT IT DIDANT WORK OUT THAT WAY I STARTED GETTING PAINS IN MY LOWER BACK AND PERIOD LIKE PAINS , AND I NEW , I NEW I HAD LOST IT I DIDANT WANT TO BELIEVE IT BUT I WAS TAKEN IN FOR BLOODS AND SCAN AND AGAIN THEY CONFIRMED IT THEY SAID THERE WAS A BABY BUT NO HEART BEAT MY HEART JUST SANK I JUST THOUGHT Y ME IM NOT A BAD PERSON , WHY , WHY , WHY , 3 TIMES NOW THERE MUST BE A REASON IS IT MY AGE , SO IV JUST COME OUT OF HOSPITAL AFTER HAVING ANOTHER D&C , I REALLY DONT THINK I CAN GO THREW THIS AGAIN .DONT NO WHAT TO DO .

IS THERE ANYONE THAT HAS GONE THREW SIMILAR SITUATION .

I'm really sorry to hear that. :( I'm also 39 but have one child and had a mmc at 11 weeks in January this year. So although you've had a worse time, I do understand how shit it is, and how you just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

I don't know what to suggest other than making sure you take time to grieve. It's hard with young ones, my daughter is also 3 and they are very demanding but you need to make sure you take enough time for yourself to get over this, physically and emotionally. You just have to keep going :( There are lots and lots of people here who have been through it, keep talking here if you want to xx

I am so sorry for your losses. I have had 3 MC's too and the third one left me distraught, it's not only the loss of what was potentially another DC but the sudden change in hormones which makes it a very difficult time.

I needed a lot of help after my third MC - if I hadn't already 2DD's and a DH to keep me going I don't know what I would have done. It did take me a while to ask for help and looking back I wish that I had admited sooner that I wasn't coping. My DH later admitted that he was terrified of what he might find upon returning home from work.

BTW I have since had another DD after deciding never to try again (as I couldn't bear the thought of losing another). I eventually realised that living with the fear of it happening again was nothing in comparison to wondering what if?

Please ask for help if you need it.