OMG -
my experience with my - missed miscarriage -
monday 20th june 11- went along to my 12 week scan to be told at 12.15 im sorry to tell you there is no heartbeat!!!!! what!!!!!!!!!!! my whole body went into shock i feel so pregnant - my boobs are still sore i still have morning sickness what are you telling me!!!!!!! i refused to cry she seemed so unaware that right then my heart was broken!!!!!!!!!!! then as i went along to see the doctor we was put in a room with some tissues and i still refused to cry, maybe they had it wrong! as i glanced down at my still very showing belly!
when was seen by the dr, she told me 3 options 1. leave it to pass naturally!
- tablets to induce labour, 3 op. My DH said op straight away but them looked at me with my eyes still not able to focus, i couldnt even hear what she was saying,we left with some leaflets and i went home shattered.
waking up feeling pregnant going to bed knowing im not anymore!!!!!!!!!
walking around with a big belly just reminded me of the cold hard facts, my baby died inside of me and i was so blissfully unaware!
went back the following day - was told we had a 9am appointment to discuss it some more with dr. we was placed in the waiting room with - pregnant women who was experiencing some forms of pains!!!!!!!! are they having a laugh my DH said and walked out for some air, how horrible i felt looking at them knowing they still had chances of there babies being ok!
after 1.30 mins waiting we went in to be told "the product" meaning my baby would be removed, having the op would make sure "the product was all gone"
Ahhhhhh i wanted to scream " my baby, my baby" but i guess its a term they use to make it somehow easier to deal with remove yourself from the fact it was a baby! wed 5am woke to insert these 3 tabs to soften the inner lining!
i started to bleed i noticed as i did so, no op i hoped, but when i reached the hospital and was told to get changed for the op, i had a huge need to go toilet as i did i just felt a pull and out came what i can only describe as my baby! i couldnt move as i saw blood and alot of it! i pressed the bell for a nurse and she reassure me it was normal and helped me get cleaned up and returned me to my bed, 10 mins later i felt again a large pull and tried to get up but to late and out it was in my bed! i pushed the button again and the nurse appeared, i explained something was happeining and as she pulled back the sheets her face told me what i already knew my baby was coming out! she called another nurse and they helped me out of the bed and tried to hide it from me, and conceled it in a basin! " oh God" i cried!!!!!!!
as they re sanned me i was told the product is still there and so the op was going ahead! sleep, woke up in recovery knowing it was over and my Baby was really gone!
Im dealing with loads of close friends very pregnant and trying to avoid me now not knowing what to say trying to hide there large baby bumps! and the excitemnet for the 1st timers! what hurts is not those but finding out that me and another women was due around the same time and to see her belly made my throat really dry! im happy for i have had 3 beautiful children and a loving DH but i cant speak about it anymore and im still dealing with the after pains and bleeding! its been a week, yesterday i cried at 12.15 knowing this was the time i found out! silly i know, but i guess im dealing with it my way!
life goes on though!!!!! as i sit and type this i feel better sharing this with complete faceless strangers who have all dealt and are still dealing with this!
i want to fast forwards and completely forget this ever happened, i got rid of my midwife notes, letters from pampers congratualting me!!!!!!!!!!
and all the apps that where on my phone telling me about my unborn child1
13 weeks and 5 days today - with a belly to show but an empty feeling being babyless and a heavy heart!
at the moment awaiting my cycle to return, im not ttc but if it hapens again i will be happy!