12 week scan.. no heart beat... please.. any advice? information? help??

[laurenabraham]

This is the first time I've ever used mumsnet. So it would be really helpful for any contributions..
I'm 19 years old, and had my first miscarriage 2 years ago. I wasn't aware that I was pregnant at the time, so it came as quite a shock. I was only about 6/7 weeks. Although it was upsetting, it felt as though it was for the best.
Then February 2011 I found out I was pregnant again. It was a shock, but a good shock. Myself and my partner were over the moon, especially him! We went for a scan almost immediatly, as the dates seemed to add up that I was about 12 weeks.. It looked like a little bean, with a tiny spec of white flicking! They booked us in for another scan, and as the days went on, we got more and more excited.
Last Monday (13th June) we went back for our 12 week scan. When the baby showed up on the screen, my partner had a beaming smile on his face, squeezing my hand, saying "It's so much bigger now" - but I knew something was wrong.. the woman kept looking over the same areas, focusing on the head.... but I couldn't see the heartbeat flickering, like I had on the first ultrasound. Then she used the blood flow censor, and I started panicing more. Finally she asked me if I'd had any pain or bleeding, and it all clicked into place. I said I'd had a sharp pain 2 mornings ago, but there was no blood, so I thought it was fine. "I can't see a heartbeat. Is there a heartbeat? I can't see it" - she explained she was having trouble too. It was only measuring in at 11weeks+5 when it should have been 12weeks+1 and that there was no heartbeat. I burst into tears, and my unaware partner looked completely crushed. I couldn't believe it.
The more I think about it now, the more I hope that the woman was wrong and the baby is fine. I feel so crushed, but also so angry! I did everything right this time. I didn't smoke, drink alcohol, did everything by the book, and followed all the advice, to make sure I had a good and healthy pregnancy. It feels so unfair and injust!!!
I'd really appreciate it if anyone would post from their experiences, as to what to do next... because I really can't think at the moment, and I'd really like some first hand advice....

Sorry, i can't say anything practical but thinking of you.

oh I'm so sorry for you :(

did they not give you any advice on what would happen next?

from my experience it's unlikely that they would miss a heartbeat at the 12 week mark.
but I am shocked if they haven't told you what to expect, or what to do :-(

I physically couldn't speak. She briefly explained the 3 options, gave me some leaflets and said to ring this number so I could speak to someone the day after when I could process it a bit more. But I find it very hard to gather my thoughts together. I find it a lot easy to write things than get the words out through speech.
The leaflets were pretty useless though. They explain the process, but you don't really know how it's going to effect you mentally and emotionally. My first instinct is that I want to leave it to happen naturally... mainly because it feels almost as if I'm choosing to have the baby taken out, like an abortion. Which I know it isn't, but I'm worried I'll feel like that afterwards.
However, I've looked online a bit, and a lot of people seem to think it would be REALLY distressing, and I didn't realise you'd actually see the baby formed when it came out. I just don't know, but I need to make my mind up before it's too late :(

it's worth ringing the number and asking if you can go and see someone in person to talk it through I think, especially if you haven't found the leaflets that helpful.

I don't know whether to ring my midwife and arrange a meeting with her? Or do I have to speak to the Early Pregnancy Service people?

Lauren your options are likely to be to wait and let nature take it's course. It could be a few weeks. The second option would be for them to give you drugs to bring on the miscarriage and the third would be to have surgery to remove your baby. You should discuss it with the EPU.

As you are 12 weeks gone, I don't think it will be easy to manage naturally. The furthest I've gone is 9.5 weeks and there is a lot of bleeding. Someone should be watching over you. You need to ask them if they would be able to do any tests if on your baby to understand why it happened and if you can have any treatment for future pregnancies.

It is such a hard thing and Im so sorry for your loss. I'm here to listen. Xx

Btw, all my miscarriages have happened "spontaneously" it doesn't make it any easier to have it happen this way as m/c is a hard thing any way it happens.

Also, I think you should talk to your EPU is the department that can help you with your choice. X

I am so sorry you are going through this

First of all, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing wrong, I promise. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out

I can't advise you on what decision to make as all mine happened spontaneously (I had 5 MCs between 7 and 10 weeks) but I would try and get some sleep tonight, and read through the info tomorrow with a clearer head. Maybe ring the MW and ask for a chat

Hi Lauren,

i'm so sorry you are going through this.

I could have written your post myself 7 weeks ago as the same thing happened to me. I knew as soon as I saw the baby that something was wrong. I decided to have an ERPC after, which was fine in itself. Was a relief to have it done so quickly.

It does get easier, but the pain is still there in my heart. We are about to try again. It felt like we would have to wait forever to start trying again, but it's flown by.

Good luck to you hon xx

Lauren, so sorry to hear that you are having to experience this.
If you have the number for them, then call your early pregnancy unit and ask to speak to someone to help you understand what has happened, what the process will be now and just to talk to.
The Miscarriage Association have information and help-lines if you feel the need to talk it over, either now or later.
With my missed miscarriages I always opted for the surgical option. The other 2 options seemed too drawn out and even more distressing for me.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and be kind to yourself.

Thank you so much! It's been very helpful. I've booked an appointment with my widwife this coming Monday, and hopefully she'll help me make up my mind. My partner is also worried about me leaving nature to take it's course, as I'll have to sit and wait, and go through the pain and shock of seeing it all. Will post again when I've spoken to her, and let you all know what I'm doing. Thanks again!!

Lauren - sorry to hear that. Could you tell me what was your decision and how it went

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