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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How do you know when to stop trying?

5 replies

GemmaBear · 24/05/2011 21:04

I think I may be looking for a magic wand or a lightning bolt...but after 2 years and 6 losses, I am beginning to think that I may be done. My son is 6, I'm nearly 37 and I'm starting to feel jaded with TTC. Prof Regan tells me I need aspirin once I am pregnant, but so far this hasn't helped. I've never gone past 8ish weeks. So how do you know when to stop trying? How are you meant to balance the dreams you hold for yourself as a mum of more than one, with the reality that is staring you in the face? Any kind wisdom would be much appreciated.

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Choufleur · 24/05/2011 21:06

We've tried for a second but it becomes so all consuming. I just kept telling myself how lucky we are with DS (tried for him for a long time too). I wanted to be able t enjoy DS without worrying about having another.

Don't know if that helps.

avaj · 24/05/2011 21:25

Not much wisdom I'm afraid, but I am also trying to decide whether to try again, or to give up.
I have a DD and a DS, and have had 3 mmc since they were born. I know how lucky I am to have them, but I always imagined I would have a family of 3 or 4, and I would so love a sister for DD.
I really don't want to become so preoccupied with trying again though, that I miss out on what I have. I think you also have to consider the physical and emotional trauma of going through another mc, and if you feel able to face that again.
It is such a hard decision, it feels as if you are putting all your dreams away doesn't it?
Sorry I don't have a magic wand. x

scoobydoo33 · 25/05/2011 10:11

GemmaBear, your message really struck a cord with me. I will be 37 next week and my son will be 4 this year. I have suffered two losses in the past six months, one at 8 weeks and one at 15 weeks. I too am not sure what to do in terms of trying again or not. Part of me feels like we are so, so blessed to have one child, the other part, like you, is trying to come to terms with my son not having a sibling and being a mum to one. The last loss has completely devestated me and I am so scared of trying again, I truly think the answer lies with time. It seems like time is against us because of age and our child getting older, but really, time will give you the answer you need as to whether you feel strong enough to try again or not.... I hope that helps, you are not alone in this..... xxxx

sotough · 25/05/2011 20:57

poor you. i agree with scooby about time; but also, an important question is whether you feel you have been to the ends of the earth in your search for what is going wrong with your pregnancies? as you have seen Prof Regan you obviously have had some of the best tests available and you may feel you've now left no stone unturned....in which case it comes down to whether you feel you can bear any more losses, on the offchance that your next pregnancy, or perhaps the one after that, might just work. obviously you have carried a pregnancy successfully before, so you know your body can do it.
have you had immune testing too? (NK cells)
I have a friend who had six MCs around the same stage as yours, (following a normal trouble free pregnancy with her first child) and is now a few weeks away from giving birth to her second child. She was in the depths of despair and was ready to give up when she got pregnant unexpectely. thanks to some amazing miracle this one has stuck. She also went to Regan's clinic and they didn't find anything wrong. it shows there is hope out there, even when it feels like it's against all the odds - but i don't know how she found the strength to keep going. have you looked into getting your egg quality tested, if you can afford it? (i don't know how much it is but it's very expensive. however, it worked for another friend of mine.)

GemmaBear · 06/06/2011 13:10

Blimey I'm crying reading these replies....thank you for all of your support. That sounds so meagre, but your compassion is overwhelming.
Sotough, I've had NK cells done, but not egg quality as I know I'm not strong enough for IVF / selective implantation. Am I right in thinking there's nothing that can be done about improving egg quality?
Since I wrote the first post, I have been really trying to concentrate on the blessing that is my son and sadly have been feeling more and more that I want to start to give away my baby things...slowly. I think I don't have the strength to keep going and to see the hope that 2 pink lines offers just end some weeks later. I've realised that I'm starting to feel terrible even thinking about having sex with no contraception now, so perhaps this means I have to move on, however unwillingly or upsetting it is.
Choufleur and Avaj, I know what you mean about TTC becoming all-consuming and how much energy I am wasting on this. I feel like I have been to the ends of the earth in terms of asking why, what keeps going wrong, and what can I take / not take; do / not do; eat, drink, etc etc and the knots this ties you up in are so painful and it is all taking away too much from the here and now with my son.
Thank you so much for what you have written and know that I wish those of you who are in the horrible, difficult quagmire of carrying on or calling it a day that I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart and hope that you are blessed with comfort and miracles.

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