did I miscarry?

[jocar2007]

I'm 12 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I've been spotting on and off since I found out I was pregnant. It stopped for a couple of weeks, then it started again - just a browny dryish smear when I wiped at first, then a couple of days ago it went a bit pink. Yesterday it was bit redder and then I felt a dribbling. It wasn't gushing, just dribbling at a steady pace. A couple hours later, I felt a whoosh (it felt like the 'show') and a collection of large, dark red jelly like clots that looked like the lochia clots i had after my daughter was born came out.

I went to the hospital and saw a doctor and a midwife who had a look and said that they couldn't tell me anything for sure until I had a scan which would have to be the next day. They looked internally and said that there was blood, but that it was old blood and that my cervix was closed. They also said that they couldn't see any tissue in the blood or cervix. The bleeding is not even a dribble now - every now and then there's a bit, but not copious amounts. I have a horrible cough at the moment which isn't helping!

So, tomorrow at some stage I'll know whether or not I've lost the baby.

I don't know how I feel. One minute I'm pragmatic, the next I'm crying, the next I'm angry about the 3 months I've wasted thinking I'm pregnant and the next I feel guilty because I hate being pregnant and have focussed on the next 6 months and how inconvenient it is, rather than thinking about the beautiful end result. I sort of feel as if I've brought it on myself because I didn't want it enough.

I've spent the night alternately convincing myself the baby's still there to knowing in my heart of hearts that it's gone.

Just needed to get that out....

I don't know if you've had a miscarriage - but I didn't want you to go unanswered tonight. I know from experience what a rollercoaster of emotions it can be when things don't go by the book during pregnancy.

I hope you get the result you want tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you all day.

What a horrible time you're going through. Obviously no-one on here can give you a definite answer, only the scan tomorrow can do that. And the time between now and then is going to feel like a lifetime.

I hope tomorrow goes well for you, i will keep you in my thoughts

Thanks for your kind words. I didn't miscarry, but the news wasn't good. The fetus had stopped growing at 6 weeks. So funny because I went to the doctor at 6 weeks and told her about my spotting and she said 'perfectly normal and remember if you lose it, it was nothing you did' I could have saved myself some worry if I'd known back then! Having pills to miscarry in a few days. Again thanks for your thoughts- it's amazing how many people go through this.

So, so sorry that you have to go through this.
Be very kind and gentle with yourself, you are hormonal and grieving so don't be afraid to lean on people if you can.