ERPC advice

[MarathonMama]

Hi ladies,

I had my 12 week scan on Weds to find that I'd had a missed miscarriage. Totally devastating as I'd had no bleeding or pain whatsoever. Had an ERPC on Friday.

They told me after the ERPC that I'd bleed for 7-10 days but I haven't bled at all since leaving the hospital on Friday (there was a small bit of bleeding after the operation and I haven't bled since). Did anyone else find this? No one's answering the phone at the hospital!

Also, how long did you leave it before trying again. I feel like I've had my last chance (I'm not getting any younger) and am desperate to get back on the wagon. DH is more reluctant, he thinks we should wait 6 months before trying but I feel like I'll get over it better if I'm doing something positive (i.e. TTC) rather than wallowing. Please give me some reassure that we'll be able to get pregnant again.

Thanks all x

Hi marathon good for you.
My bleeding was only very light for a couple of days, then had a few days of browny discharge (sorry if TMI). Seems to have stopped altogether now.

No dtd here yet as DH away just now, so can't answer your question, but am just thinking of going for it on friday - assuming this bloody ash cloud doesn't bugger up flights!!
Feel like I don't want to waste anymore time. I am 'old' afterall!!
Will report.back post sexytime!

Hi Giraffe, good to hear you're doing ok. Don't get me started on the bloody ash cloud, we're supposed to be going on our hols later in the week in the south of France. Won't be impressed if we can't go. Having said that, we're going with three other couples, two of whom are pg and I've been dreading spending a week with them, so maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing. Then again, sun, sea, excellent vino and lots of cheese do sound like fun...

Good luck with sexytime. I've been consulting Dr Google and apparently it's v common not to ovulate in the first cycle post mc so we're not ttc "offficially" but we're not being careful either!

What a coincidence, I am going to the South of France too, but not for another 6 weeks. Going back to the same place we went last year, we had the ash cloud fear then too! FX you get there, but you have my sympathy having to be away with pg friends. That's likely to be tough at times, but think of all the cheese you can eat and wine you can drink (of course, we'd give up all the cheese and wine in the world to not be in our sad position but I'm sure you'll get through it, and even enjoy it for the most part - with the help of wine!)

I sound very positive these days, don't I, although have been sitting crying at my desk (I work from home thankfully) and at night once dd is in bed. Don't think that's a bad thing though, needs to happen, and suspect there was a massive hormone drop over past 2 days. Starting to feel more like me again.

I don't know if you've seen it, but when I watched The Scheme last night, I was soooooss full of rage when that 15year old was standing rubbing her bump, after just having a fag, saying her and her smackhead, theiving scumbag boyfriend "..really wanted this baby..."

Could have smashed the TV!! I know I shoudn't be judgemental, but can't help it.

Life is so unfair sometimes.

But, looking forward to Friday night, am one of those paranoid pg people who bans sex as soon as +ve test happens. So it's been a while!

And, thanks for info re first cycle and ov, interesting. Definitely won't bother wasting a small fortune on ov sticks for a while!

Yes, definitely planning to enjoy it! Lots of vino is the plan, before we get back on the ttc wagon.

I've been feeling ok emotionally and then just finding it hits me randomly (e.g. when I saw a lady eating a Mr Whippy and realising I could have one now!). I also think my hormones are all over the place, I've been feeling a bit down like I do when I have PMT the last couple of days but was feeling quite "up" a few days ago. I think I was feeling quite positive about ttc again but then realised it's going to be a struggle.

How was your cycle before the mc? Mine was quite long so I think I'll have to wait a while for my af, according to my doc it usually takes longer to come after an erpc.

How old's your dd? I have one who's nearly 2. I really wanted to have another soonish so that they'd be close in age, that makes me sad sometimes.

The other thing that doesn't help is that everyone (including DH) seems to have forgotten that it happened! It still feels so recent to me. No one wants to mention it, I feel like there's no one to talk to sometimes. Do you feel like the days are dragging?

Have you seen this website pregnancyloss.info/? The questions are really interesting. It seems to say that you shouldn't use ov sticks until your cycle settles down a bit. It also gives top tips on how to give yourself the best chance to conceive...

Enjoy Friday!

My cycle is 27/28 days on average. One cycle was 35 days. Having read a lot since, I now wonder if that had been a very early mc. Don't remember it being particularly painful, but do remember it going on for longer than normal. That was not long after my Mum died, as cycles can get messed up by stress too, so will never know.

My DD is 15 next month! From my last relationship. Been married to DH for 6 years (who is currently in Madrid trying to figure out if he's going to get home tonight!), and decided 2 years ago it would be nice to expand. Feels like time is running away from me!

So there will be a massive gap between mine (fx I get there) but, on the plus side, I have a live-in babysitter! Just joking. Sort of.

I am keeping everything crossed for you (well, not everything!), your wee dd will have a baby brother or sister soon I'm sure. Hopefully we can share the journey!

I know what you mean. It's hard when everyone clicks back into normal mode. It's like "Erm, hello?? Do you not realise this was a huge, significant, deeply distressing and sad event in our lives, which I am still obsessing over it, and am still devastated we lost what we wanted most in the world??"

I honestly don't think this affects the OHs anywhere near as much as it does us. Maybe that's an unfair, sweeping generalisation. Just my opinion based on my experience. Although, in saying that, my Bro has been surprisingly thoughtful, sending me e-mails at work to check I am ok. I was annoyed that a couple of my closest friends didn't even text or phone to see how I got on at the hospital. But, on reflection (and now been slightly less insane ) , I think they probably just didn't know what to say.

Will check that site out, cheers. Happy holidays! . Try not to think of us in the rain and wind too much!

Well, talking of people brushing it under the table, I had two emails today from distant friends sending their sympathy. I have no idea how they found out as hardly anyone knows but there's clearly been some gossiping. It wound me up a bit, it's none of their business and I didn't want the world to know, it just makes me feel like a failure. One of them is pg and due around the same time I would have been, I wanted to punch the screen when I read her email. It sounded so patronising, I'm really jealous of her and it just made it worse.

Anyway, back to the positive, I had a blip when I read the emails and DH was wonderful, telling me that we'd have another and that I could use and abuse him as much as I like while we ttc. In a jokey way he told me I just wanted him for his sperm (which is sort of right... ).

How is it having a 15 year old? Are teenagers as stressful as everyone says?

I've found a thread on here of people who were in our position 6 months ago, lots of them are pg now and one of them got pg in their next cycle post erpc (i.e. before af) and a couple more in the cycle after that. I'm enjoying reading their posts. They're "oldies" like us too.

Hope you're having a good day!

That must've been hard. It's really difficult to try to be genuinely happy about other people's pregnancies, but I think that improves. I am meeting up with one of my best friends on Sunday who is due in 5 weeks. I am still really excited for her. However, my cousin is pregnant. She is not the nicest of people to be honest, and is a smug beatch at the best of times, and I feel bitterly jealous about her! I just can't help it. In fact, she text me about how well her 20 week scan went the day after my ERPC! She didn't know about me, of course, but the rage I felt was unbelievable.

That's good your DH is being more supportive. I don't think they always know how to help us. My DH travels a lot, and works really long hours, so I feel as though he's not really as 'in this' as I am, if you know what I mean. He is fabulous, and love him to death, but he is so caught up in work just now. Maybe that's just his way of coping.

Teen DD is a great girl. I enjoy her company. Bit stroppy at times and thinks she's so so grown up, but suspect most of them are like that at this age. I know I was! She's, thankfully, not yet at the wanting to go out and just hang about stage - we usually have a load of teenagers in our house, which is fine with me (16 of them in here on Sunday afternoon!).

So many of the kids in her year - including a few that she went through primary with, and whose parents I know really well - are drinking at the weekends already! I can hardly believe it. I really can't see her going down that route, but I guess most parents would say that . She really is a joy, and gorgeous and clever (came out of parents night last night beaming from ear to ear as ususal) and would be such a fabulous big sister. I want this so much for her too. She was really sad this time, but at least was more prepared than the last time.

I've been reading tons of threads on here too, to the extent that I may get sacked if anyone monitors my internet usage! Totally agree, it is encouraging. There are some really sad stories in amongst them though, but their strength inspires me.

Do you know yet if you will get to France??

It's terrible to feel bitter and jealous. I felt bad yesterday as one of the distant friends who emailed fessed up that she'd had three miscarriages, two of them "missed" like mine. She was so nice and I felt guilty for being angry, it took her 2 years to get pg in the end, I really hope we don't have to wait that long.

Proud Mum at parents' evening, that's so cool! Is she GCSEing this year?

Not sure about France yet but the signs are good, the ash cloud hasn't spread this way . It must be hard for you from a ttc perspective if DH is away a lot?

Does he get on with your daughter? I have two step dcs, they're lovely but are still quite young (9 and 6). I worry that our relationship will change as they get older (I really didn't get on with my step parents as a teenager).

Hey marathon are you still here?
Hope you had (or are still having) fun in France. Don't know what part of the country you are in, but it's been non-stop drizzle, wind and rain here for the past week - grim.

My DH and DD got on really well from the start (since she was 6). So far, we haven't experienced any of the things I've always feared (i.e playing the "you're not my Dad" card). He always acknowledges her own Dad as being just that, her Dad, so I think that helps. (I am touching wood as I type!)

The fact that you get on well now with your 2 step dcs is good. fx that won't change.

Am feeling more positive as this week goes on. Have avoided my pg cousin so far, but no longer feel resentful. Thanks goodness.

Hello Miss G, I'm still here. Back from France to this lovely (ahem) weather. We had a nice time, although pool holidays with a toddler aren't what they once were...

How are you doing?

I had a day of bleeding on Thurs in France. Totally random and thought my AF had arrived. Phoned the EPU who told me to take a test and it was BFN (so that was a good thing, in a funny way). It only lasted a day and then stopped. Since then I've had classic PMT symptoms so think it must be AF on the way (the EPU said it could be, although seems very early to me). It's like the period from hell though, I've no idea when it will arrive but the symptoms are all there, teasing me! Normally I don't really suffer from PMT so assume there's some sort of hormonal thang going on.

I found my pg friends hard work when we were away. They set me back a bit. Lots of "funny" stories of missed heartbeats at midwife appointments and jokes about not being able to eat the best cheeses etc. It made me quite sad really. I'm feeling a million times better than I was a few weeks ago though and I think I'll feel better again when my body gets back to base, iykwim.

Hope you're ok and still there?

Jeez, did they know about your MC?! If so, that was a bit insensitive of them. Glad you managed to enjoy yourself though. I take my hat off to you, must've been hard listening to their pregnancy 'woes'. I'm not surprised it saddened you.

Yep, IKWYM. The whole period thing seems so random. No idea why you would have one day of bleeding. But, my experiences so far have taught me that, whilst there are general rules of thumb, there are most definitely no hard and fast rules, and that everyone's body does its own thing in it's own time. Not that this helps at all! Sorry!

I would love to know what's going on in there, but avoided the ovulation tests as I knew I'd only be torturing myself. I can't decide, though, whether it's good that I don't know whether I've ovulated since the EPRC, because then I won't be as nervous about doing a pg around the 4 week mark, but then again.... I know I am going to be a nervous wreck the next time (and if there is a next time! fx) I get that +ve test so, on the one hand, I hope AF will arrive so that I can have a bit more time to be prepared, but on the other hand, I really want a baby, so think deep down I will be hoping it doesn't arrive.

Am having a very indecisive day today

But, generally feeling much better, and more positive, too (no longer wish to kill my cousin who is pg and very smug , which is clearly a good thing!). I still feel a bit cheated. I still have that 'why me?' sense of sadness. You do everything right, follow all the rules (and add even add some of my own!) yet there's still nothing you can do to prevent what happened happening. It's very frustrating that it's so out of our control.

But, onwards we must go! Hope you have a good Monday, I have a day of meetings (grooooooaaaaannnnnnn).

Yes they did know, but in fairness I have the innate ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time so I did have some sympathy. There was a really uncomfortable silence after the missed heartbeat comment so I think she realised what she'd said. I suppose at the front of their minds is the excitement of their pregnancies, they don't think about what happened to me. It's always there near the front of my mind though so I immediately shudder at insensitive comments.

I read that ovulation tests don't work in the month after a mc so have avoided them. I did stock up in Boots today though - I'm keeping Clearblue in business!

I know what you mean about wanting a baby asap. I was in denial when I was bleeding and kept trying to convince myself it was implantation bleeding, it clearly wasn't! I read that it's common not to ovulate in the first cycle post mc so I know I should be patient but it's going soooo slowly. I want my full AF to arrive now so that I can get on with things.

Have a good day yourself. Meetings all day, yuk. I miss work in many ways but not meetings, I always seemed to end up with all the actions!

hi, sorry to hear about your experience.
I bled for 3 weeks after erpc - this was after being told it would stop after a few days by the hospital - I read much online and found it varies a lot from person to person.
6 months is a long time to wait to ttc if you've been told it's ok to try again. I would wait for two normal AF's and then try again. There is a report you can find it online that suggests there is a very small link to recurrent miscarriage after 6 months between miscarriage and getting pregnant again - sorry hope this is positive rather than negative. What I think I mean is find the report and wave it at your husband!!
Hope this helps
Big hugs xx

Are you there Miss G? AF arrived today, felt ok about it, relieved in many ways. Now just want to get going with the TTC again. Hope you're ok?

Yes, I'm here! I think it's a good thing af has arrived. That's exactly 4 weeks, isn't it? At least you know your cycle's getting back on track. Am terrified I'll be one of those ones 6 weeks on and still waiting. I'll be 4 weeks on Mon, so fx.

I posted on a thread on the conception board yesterday for the first time. On the "Just MC and ready to start TTC?" one. There are quite a few people on there at the same stage as us. The time felt right, Come join me!

Hi, I know that this thread is ancient but I'm due to have an ERPC next week to remove retained products and I'm terrified that it will cause damage and make getting pregnant more difficult - we seem to conceive fairly quickly so far.

I'm 39 and feel like we don't have time to waste. I'm feeling so distressed about it all.

@glowingtwig hi. There are 2 threads I've created that you might find helpful. One on here with a few of us going through it and one on a pregnancy board which is lots of stories from women sho have had this previously (all very positive). I think maybe reading them both will help you. I was meant to have EP&C today but was cancelled, so trying again tomorrow. Seeing you lots of luck xx

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/4113076-Positive-stories-after-a-MMC?watched=1&msgid=103076530#103076530

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC

P.s. feel free to join us on the support thread if you like. We are all supporting each other through it

Thank you so much @AMS19 xxx