Starting to panic about going back to work....any advice please.

[themonkeymoo]

Hello ladies
I've posted on a couple of other threads on this topic and found information sharing a big support, sure it's stopped me loosing it. Just to summarise where i'm at, started bleeding last week at 11+4 weeks, scan showed baby had not developed beyond 5-6 weeks and mc inevitable (unless i'd got my dates stupidly wrong which i new i hadn't) was given an appointment for another scan this week. In the mean time cramps got worse and i mc naturally in the main on Tues a.m before having to go into hospital due to excessive bleeding, had medical management for removal of further products. I'm now home with antibiotics, the bleeding is steady and manageable and i have no more pain (touch wood), i have to go for a follow up scan next week.
Emotions all over the shop i just don't know if i can face going back to work on Monday.
I'm hoping the bleeding will slow down more before then and if so i can't see a physical reason for not going back. Also if i don't go back i'm worried i'm just "putting it off" as i have to go in at some point. Only my boss knows what has happened and i don't plan to tell anyone else, haven't quite figured out what i can say to collegues who i know will ask why i've been off.
I'm also thinking that getting back into a routine would do me good?
I'd really appreciate any advice, thoughts, details of experiences from you ladies.
Thank you

I'm sorry for your loss. My advice to you is to see your doctor tomorrow and ask for a sick note for the next two weeks or one week. you have just had a miscarriage so going back to work the very next week may be too soon. I've just had my second, two weeks ago, although I found out nearly three weeks ago, and I am no way ready to work. I probably will be soon though. I had my first mc last year in the summer hols, so fortunately I didn't have to teach anyway, but I was only just ready to face work in September. I would have needed four weeks off work, including the five days between the scan and the op.
I guess it depends on your job and if you can ease yourself back into it. With mine you can't, due to the 30 children in the class. But with some jobs it might be easier to get back into, and having something to take your mind off things is good but only when you are ready.
As for the colleagues, I think I found telling the truth helpful, but more people knew I was pregnant. If you don't want to tell them, say you have been in hospital for a gynaecological procedure. That will stop any further questions!

Hello monkeymoo,

Sorry about everything that is happening to you. I took a week off with my mmc and was really worried about returning to work. In the end I went back in on a day that I was going to get some training from a consultant so there was a low risk of anything going wrong and upsetting me. Once i got to work I was really panicky but once I got in, it really helped take my mind of it all. (I was worried that i would end up getting teary at work as i had not spent a day without crying at home.) With telling people I just didn't give an explanation and just said Thanks for there concern and I was feeling better. If anyone prompted, I just changed the topic and people got the hint. I think it helped that I work in a very male environment and they don't tend to push for an answer. At the moment, life is a lifesaver - I find that if I have too much time I get thinking and start feeling really down about it all. (Trying to make sure that I am always busy to avoid having time to think.)

I did tell my boss though and explained that there was a risk I may start miscarrying at work and need to leave unexpectedly but that never happened. I also told one close friend at work who sits next to me and she was good at diffusing anyone who pestered for a reason.

Good luck with whatever you decide - I don't think the Doctor would worry about signing you off if you think that you cannot go back to work. x x

Hi monkeymoo

I am so sorry you are going through this, I am in exactly the same situation as you. I am 11weeks+2 and found out on Wednesday that the baby stopped developing at 5/6 weeks. I haven't bled yet, and have to wait until next Wednesday to have another scan and then D&C.
I haven't been back at work this week but am considering going in for a half day on Monday just to sort things out as we go o na 10 day holiday 3 days after the D&C. The holiday timing will be just what we need but at the same time I am stressing that I will have been off work for over 3 weeks by the time I get back in properly.
My Mum and DH are telling me to forget work, and I know they are right, but its very hard just sitting around waiting for something to happen.

Thinking of you xxx

By the way hello to kat2504

Thanks so much for your message the other day on the other thread about going back to work, you spoke complete sense and I haven't been back this week. x

Thanks Kat, LIG and Shel for you're posts and so sorry for you're losses; it really helps me hearing from those going through the same thing.
I've just come back from the GP and i have another weeks sick note, i feel better now knowing i don't have to face Monday but i do worry about the length of time i'll have been off - just under 3 weeks, seems whatever i do i'm gonna stress about it!
Kat i'm using the gynae procedure excuse with my collegues who've texted me so far and LIG i think the changing the subject approach is how i'll deal with it beyond that.
Shel i'll be thinking about you between now and Wednesday, the waiting bit is just an added kick in the teeth under the awful circumstances.
Hugs ladies xxxx

Hope things are a ltitle easier for you. I have just suffered my second miscarriage at 3 months. The first, which was last Dec I threw myself into work, on hindsight it was easier distraction short term but long term it meant i hadn't dealt with issues of loss.
So, it's really good you have taken time out. I am finding miscarriage a bit of a taboo especially when later staged. I prefer to be open, that way people will give you lots of support which you need and you will also find most people wont discuss further anyway.

what I struggle with is the emotional side. One moment I can be talking, the next I am doing an oscar acceptance speech sob. Or , it's the feeling of extreme jealousy when a pregnancy is announced, I seem to have a sat nav which draws me to these situations.
Anyway, go easy on yourselves x x x

With both my MMC, followed by ERPCs I had only told by boss but none of my colleages that I was pregnant (and that was only to not have to use leave for apointments).
I had 3-4 weeks off after each because I got an infection after the first and it took some time to be ready to face work. The boss contacted me during that time and said colleages were asking what was up and was I ok, so I chose to have him tell everyone in my absence that I'd miscarried, and ask them all not to mention it on my return unless I brought it up. (Perhaps I should note that I work in a male-dominated Engineering Design Office).
That really worked for me. It meant that when (weeks later) random things were making me upset they gave me some space, but I didn't have any well-meaning-but-totally-inappropriate comments (which were unfortunately common elsewhere).