Another missed miscarriage confirmed - and hospital cock-up too

[Prettybird]

I've previously posted on the "Pregnancy after Miscarriage Support thread" and the "Due June 06" thread, but somehow didn't feel it was appropriate to post on either thread again.

After my third scan, it was finally confirmed that I was indeed miscarrying.

It was surreal - three weeks ago I had an ealry scan, when I should have been 7+2 weeks. The scan showed 5+5 weeks, which I immediately knew was bad news, as I wouldn't have tested positive when I did. (but you still hope....).

Over then next few days, my GP took bloods: first one was very high (10,000) and the second one showed a very slight drop, so he took a third one, which had dropped to 7,200 - so I pretty much knew it was over . Especially as I had pretty much lost all pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs, peeing, etc, plus my waist was definitely not thickening). But you still hope - it could have been a vanishing twin.....

Went back (last week) for a repeat scan after two weeks - and the sonographer confirmed that there had been no change in the size of the sac (not blighted ovum, as there was a yolk) - and she also confirmed that it had indeed been a twin pregnancy, as there were two sacs.

Expected to be told what my options were next, so was surprised when the midwife at the EPU siad I needed to come back for another scan this week: "protocol required it".

So another week of limbo and no concentration at work

Went today for my third scan. The sonographer was surprised to see me again and asked if I was waiting for nature to take it's course - to which I replied "God no - I wanted an ERPC - but I'd been told I had to come back".

Anyway, she confirmed (again) that there had been no change - showed me the measurements and how they were defintely getting any bigger and how wone was even starting to get smaller. We then had a wee chat about how she hoped to see me again in more happy circumstances.

Anyway, after another 15 minute wait (why, even when you have appointments, do you always have to wait so long to see people), the midwife called me over in the open waiting room and said she was sorry that the scan hadn't been good, but that I would need to come back for another scan next week.....!

You can imagine what I said .... and then she tried to tell me that the report from the sonographer said I needed to come back for a re-scan. I said (somewhat emphatically) "I don't think so - and by the way, I want an ERPC as soon as possible".

She then started to say that she would contact the songorapher for clarification - but that they would need to take bloods before they did anything. I said the GP already had - but she said that the hospital would need to do it - and to then wait a week while they did the serial bloods. I just lost it at that point - said that if they needed to take blood, they should have done so last week.

She then decided it might be a good idea to put dh and me into a side room "to talk things through".

To be fair, when she did re-appear (after another 10 minutes) she did say that she had talked to the sonographer and that there was no need for another scan - didn't apologise, but made some excuse about "how the report could be read". And she had arranged for my ERPC on Thursday, which was the earliest they could fit me in.

It makes me (and dh) think that I never needed to come in for this week's scan - that they had misread "how the report could be read" last week. Especially when the sonographer was so surprised to see me again.

This is my second missed miscarriage - I had one two years ago. And like the last time, I have no other sympotms - no bleeding or anything. It's the limbo that is hell - and I feel very angry that I was made to go through an extra week unnecessarily.

Effectively I have probably been going round with the (double) miscarriage for about 4 weeks (as the dates were already out when I went for the scan). I can cope with that - just about - butit is the not knowing when or if something will happne. I've not been able to concentrate properly at work (fortunately they have been great) or to do any travelling in case something happens (normally I go to London about once a week)

Now that I have a date, I feel that I will be able to move forward. It's actually a weight off my shoulders.

Sorry this has been so long - I just needed to vent. (and if I'm honest - and dh will agree - it actually also helped that I was able to vent a bit at the EPU when they cocked up )

It's awful for you both to have to go through this anyway without the extra mix ups. I had a missed before ds2 and didn't know for sure until the 12 week scan. I should've known as I was huge, looked 6m. I also mc when I was 21. Sorry, you don't really need my story but it's just to say I know that feeling and feel so bad for you and your dh. My dh was affected worse than me tbh.

love n hugs xxxxxxx

Prettybird, I don't really know what to say. So sorry to hear about this, and that you've been messed about by the hospital so much.

Sounds so ineffectual really but I just didn't want to read your post and then not reply.

Sorry you're going through this Prettybird . I've had 2 mcs that both dragged on over a period of 3 weeks. I found that when I'd had the ERCP and the second time the laparoscopy it was a relief that it was all over. The limbo land bit is definitely the worst part of it all, isn't it?

The limbo is the worst. I know it has really drained me.

But at least now I have a date, I know I (or rather we) will then be able to move forward and decide what to do next. (which is the whole next debate, as I am not sure if dh will want my to try again, as I am already 44 )

christ prettybird what a grim time you're having. Every day seems like a lifetime when you're in this situation I know - so i can't imagine how painful it must be for you to be in this "limbo" for weeks on end.

yes it's good to have an outlet. hopefully you can rely on dh and friends to let it all out when you need to.

TOY

Bummer is that I have woken up this morning with a sore throat, so I'm now worried that they may not take me tomorrow after all

Prettybird - so sorry you are having to go through this and to have these cock ups as well.

I hope things get resolved soon and I will look out for some happier news in the future from you.

take care

Prettybird, im so sorry you have had to go through this.
I too have had 2 miscarriages. Last July at 7 weeks which happened naturally but had to stay in due to possible ectopic only to be told that it was a miscarriage and sent home, went in for 2nd opinion next day to be told i was still pregnant and had an infection and finally 5 days later was admitted again and re scanned to be told i had lost the baby! Nearly a week of false hope and limbo!
2nd miscarriage was in Jan this year and i had a scan at 7 weeks and all was fine. Symptoms stopped at 8 weeks but no bleeding then spent from 10 weeks going to hospital begging for scans. Eventually i refused to budge from A&E till i had been scanned and had indeed lost the baby a few days after aheartbeat had been found at 7 weeks. Had to wait 2 days for ERPC so i do understand how oyu feel.
I found that i accepted what had happened alot better the 2nd time because my bleeding only lasted a week after D&C compared to 3 weeks naturally! All i can say is dont give up hope. After the D&C Dh and i decided to wait 6 months before trying again! Well that didnt work and in April i found out i was pregnant again! This time i pushed for regualr scans at EPAU and got a referral from my doctor which wasnt easy because i had ONLY had 2 miscarriages and not 3! I am now 33 weeks pregnant and have had 9 scans in this pregnancy so far! Take time for yourself and focus on your relationship with DH. Goodluck for Thursday hope its not too bad. Rest lots and let yourself grieve.

Thnaks for sharing your story bonkerz.

Fortunately I have no problem in accessing an EPU - in fact, the one I wanted to go to (and thought I was being referred to by my GP) I could have self referred to, as I had had a previous miscarriage - but my GP referred me by mistake/misunderstaning to ther other EPU (even though he refrred me to my preferred hosptial for the actual booking in).

ONe of the (other) things that bugs me with hindsight is that neither of the midwives last week or this even bothered to ask how I was feeling: whether I had had any bleeding, headaches or any other symptoms. Surely they should have done? And if they were "needing to go thorugh their protocols", surely these were enssential questions to ask. The only person who bother to ask was the sonogrpaher - but she is not the nurse. (To be fair, the midwife the first week, when she was booking me in to the EPU, did ask).

I will try and give myslef time to grieve and to work on my relationship with dh. My worry is that he won't want to try again - he was only doing it becasue I wanted it more than he didn't, if you see what I mean.

Hi prettybird - hope you have been able to get your ERPC today. I was on the June thread with you at the start.

I have had exactly the same thing for nearly 3 weeks now. I started spotting at 6 weeks then bleeding properly at 7 + 5. Had an emergency scan at 7+6 to be told that the sac was only about the size of 5 weeks and was sitting far to far down. Admitted onto ward, slightly hysterical, then given blood tests for HCG and sent home. Passed the sac that night (sorry, tmi but it was horrific) and then starting bleeding with gusto. Have had bloods every other day fo the last 10 days as they cannot make up their minds whether I have an ectopic as well.

THe limbo of not knowing was so stressful and the repeated trips to hospital are a nightmare so my fabulous gp signed me off yesterday. I was getting no support at work (wanted to stand up and shout "leave me alone, I am miscarrying in your office you pig" but did not think it a great career move)

Sorry for the long post but we will get through this. I am pleased to have the time to myself at home to grieve and deal with this. Keeping you in my thoughts,

J x

Oh Prettybird, how rough for you. . Horrible when such an intimate and unpleasant experience is treated like something mundane passing by on a conveyor belt.

And there was I complaining that I was getting too much attention when it happened to me a few weeks ago!

Hope it goes OK today, and that you are treated with compassion.

Thanks everyone.

The ERPC went well yesterday. I've had a day sitting watching grotty day time TV and feeling sorry for myself .

Dh is in Bristol overnight - he flew down this morning (with my blessing - he was all for cancelling). We lied to the hospital about someone being around for 24 hours - I've got plenty of people close by that I can call on (and technically, there is someone in the house - the neighbour in the house downstairs - and also dh would have cacncelled if I hadn't felt well enoguh to cope). Quite frankly, I wanted to be on my own - dh in the house fussing over me would just have irritated me.

My work have sent me a big bunch of flowers and some belgian chocolates

And it's now over 24 hours since the operation, so I can now have a glass (or 2) of the wine that dh opened last night

prettybird have read previous threads you were on and i just wanted to say how i am for you. i had my sixth m/c last week and am still undecided on whether to carry on ttc, i hope whatever you choose you and your family and happy lots of hugs xxxxx

Thnaks for that carly82 - and sorry to hear your news

I still have my follow up appointemnt at the fertility clinic on 23 November (had been hoping that I would be in a position to cancel it ) - bit at least it gives me a target date to talk through with dh what we do next. I still want to give it one more go - but am not sure if he wants to.

Prettybird- Sorry to hear your news. God how insensitive of them. Any way of lodging a complaint? Here's thinking of you for Thursday (you may remember me from the ttc after m/c thread) xxx
Carly- Aww hunny! What can I say. {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Thanks Hellkat. The ERPC was yesterday - so at least I am now on the road to recovery.

I won't be bothering complaining - I just want to be looking forward.

Having said that, dh was spitting yesterday: we arrived at 8.15 as requested and after barely checking my name, was shown in to a room and the nurse disappeared off so fast I didn't even have time to say to her I had a sore throat and would that make a difference.....

.......25 minutes later, dh went looking for someone, as he needed to get ds off to school and the instrcutions had said "the escort wuld be told when they could you up" (and also we were desparately trying to keep a 5 year old quiet in a room where there was also someone else who looked like she had been in over night). After eventually getting someone to talk to him, they got snippy with him when he complained about me having been "dumped" in a room and said I hadn't been "dumped" - to which he responded, "leaving someone in a room, without a word, and not saying when they would be seeing her is being dumped - and just as well his wife had been through it before as otherwise she could have been terrified". They told him he may as weel talk ds to school and he would be able to pick me up about 5. He came back and told me this - and said he would ring aobut 1/4 to 5 to check. And then he and ds had to leave so I got on with reading my magazine.

About 5 minutes later, the nurse did finally turn up - not a word of apology or explanation. (as dh had said - even if they had just explained that they were busy....) I was told I would be ready to picked up at about 6.

Dh spent the rest of the day worrying about how I would be treated . To be fair the operational staff and the nursing staff who did talk to me were all fine - it just seems their processes and communication skills leave something to be desired.

Put it this way - next time (and hopefully, there will be next time), I will make sure that my GP refers to the Queen Mum's for both the delivery and the EPU, rather than the Southern's EPU.

Oh, PB, I don't know what to sayI really feel for you & am so sad that you didn't get the treatment you deserve from the hospital. There really is no excuse for it. The hospital where I was treated for my miscarriage last year were as busy and understaffed as it's possible for an inner city teaching hospital to be. And yet they were empathic, courteous and informative throughoutas a result I felt as cared for emotionally as I was physically.
Much love.

Thanks Arabica. Fortunately, as dh said, I've been through it before - and more importantly, am getting the support I need from the people around me... and from myself (if you see what I mean: this time round, I know I need to look after myself).

I'm going to get hell from my parents though - we delibertately let them go on holiday (cycling in Urugay! !) without telling them, as it wouldn't have changed anything. They were already at the end of their other with other family problems - not their fault but ones they felt some responsibility for, and had been threatening to cancel becasue they were worried about the people they were leaving behind. So dh and I made the cnsciouos decision not tell them - they will be soooo annoyed - but we made the right decision.

Hopefully, some time soon, both you and I will be able to celebrate siblings for our resepective ds'.

i had an missed miscarriage about 3 yrs ago and ended up being admitted after having the erpc and getting an infection and bleeding heavily a week later ..when i was put on a ward ..they put me in a bed next to a heavily pregnant woman..how thoughtless was that and had to face her everyday for 4 days!!!