Natural miscarriage vs surgical intervention?

[thebishster]

Hi everyone
I'm 42 and had a scan yesterday (11 weeks) that confirmed my baby had no heartbeat. As I'd been having cramps/bleeding I thought I could cope with being at home and waiting to miscarry naturally but I am finding it really upsetting and nothing is happening (and understand that it can go on for weeks?). I'm considering surgery now as I want to try to move on and would like to know if how I'm feeling is normal and for those who did have surgery what it was like and did it help you move on? I hope I'm making sense! Many thanks.

thebishter - so sorry to hear what you are going through. It's awful isn't it. I have had three m/c. The first 2 were at 6 weeks and happened naturally. I was diagnosed with a failing pg last week at 8 weeks but they won't do anything until fri coming in case i have my dates wrong - which i don't. If they had offered my medical management/eprc then and there i would have taken it. Anyway I had (i am pretty certain) a complete m/c last night. It was very crampy and felt like mini-contractions and couple of lumps plopped into the loo - sorry - can't think of a more delicate way to describe it.
It is awful waiting to m/c. What have the hospital said to you re surgery? Have they given you a timescale or a follow-up appt?
The cramping suggests it may happen sooner rather than later but obviously you don't what to have to put up with being in pain on top of everything else for too much longer.
What you are feeling is totally normal, believe me. There are quite a few threads here detailing the eprc procedure and individual experiences.
Take care and let us know how you get on.

so sorry to hear you are going through this bibster, its a terrible thing to go through

Can I suggest that you wait just a few more days, as it will most likely happen naturally as you hit 12 weeks. Thats when the placenta would normally take over the pregnancy, but with a failed pg, it doesn't and it should sort itself out. If you think you can wait it out, its a better way to deal with it in my experience

I hope its sorted for you soon and you can move on

Firstly, I'm sorry you're going through this - it's rotten isn't it.

I had an ERPC a year ago after finding out at 12-week scan that my embryo had died at around 7-8 weeks. I was given three choices - go home and wait for miscarriage to happen naturally, be given medication to bring it on and miscarry at home, or ERPC. I decided the latter was the most efficient and speedy way to bring a very sad situation to a swift conclusion and was lucky enough to be admitted the next day. Having heard from others how horrible it is to miscarry at home I've never regretted my choice. The ERPC was a really quick procedure and apart from a little bit of light bleeding for about a week afterwards I didn't have to deal with any blood or gore. It was all taken care of and that suited me very well and meant that the experience of having a miscarriage was not as traumatic as I'm sure it would've been if I'd had to see everything coming out of me.

I had an Erpc last year at 11 weeks. It was much easier than the medically managed miscarriage I recently had an 9 weeks. Although I was scared of the op, not having it this time was something I found more traumatic because of having to go through the process of miscarrying. Although I felt a bit crap after the eprc, there was much less bleeding and it was all entirely over 6 days later. I did have some "retained product" that I passed a few days after the erpc but it wasn't that much really. Also there is the "getting it over with" aspect.
Whatever you choose, I hope it's over for you soon, it is a truly horrible thing to have to go through no matter how you choose to manage it.

I actually had an ERPC last Wednesday after finding out the week before at my 12 week scan that the baby has stopped developing at 10 weeks. I was really nervous about having it done, but it was not as bad as I expected. I agree with the others that it allows you to move on. I had to wait for a week to have my ERPC due to the bank holidays and that was truly awful, but as soon as it was done I felt that I could start to move on from it. There was still lots of tears after, but I feel a lot better having had it done. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to x

Thank you for all your kind comments and I'm so sorry to hear about your personal experiences. It is awful but it helps to know that there are people who understand and who know how you feel. My fiance is putting on a brave face which makes me think I should do the same so it is nice to be able to talk/write about how I feel. I called the hospital today and I can have surgery tomorrow but I have to go back to the same ward today in order to be examined by a dr/have some tests which is not what I want to do. I'll be sitting in the reception with pregnant women and I don't know if I can do it without crying! I have another question - do the pregnancy symptoms (in my case wind, constipation, bloating, enormous boobs) disappear immediately after surgery or do you still feel pregnant? Thx.

So sorry thebishster and to everyone else for your lossess

I'm going through exactly the same thing, had slight spotting end of 10 weeks, nothing but mild cramps for the next week until last thursday night had some light red when I wipe (sorry if TMI). Called midwife next morning who very quickly arranged a scan at the EPU which confirmed my baby had no heartbeat and died at 7 weeks, there are no words to describe the devastation and loss I felt, couldn't stop crying and def couldn't take in any info on what next. I decided to go home and have a think about it (once I regained some emotional stability) and very soon started to bleed more heavily, which progressed over the weekend followed by more painful but manageable cramps. As things appeared to be moving quite quickly I decided to try it naturally, although I was terrified of the pain and what I might see. Finally yesterday over a period of around 6 hours, excuriating pain at times, lots of large clots (could feel it coming out), a trip to the GP for some codeine (worked a treat), constant hot water bottles, and when I could bear it no longer an extremely hot bath (which stopped the pain) it appears to be finally over. Today it just feels like a regular heavy period, mild cramps and just praying that I have passed everything. I have a scan booked in for thurs to check.

Personally for me I'm glad I have (hopefully) managed to it naturally, I found it very cathartic and it has helped me to begin to process this devastating loss. The pain is at times unbearable but only lasted a couple of hours in total. However, I think because everything seemed to start very quickly for me I guess in someway my decision was taken from me. I think Imnotaslimjim is right about the 12 week and placenta theory.

at the end of the day you need to do what you feel is right for you , everyone copes differently, and to be honest from what I read most people on the other threads seemed to recommend the surgical option, I was completely terrified, nearly had a panic attack with the anticipation of how awful it would be, and seriously considered the surgical option to just get it over with, but in the end it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Although I know there is nothing I did wrong to cause my miscarriage, I was angry at my body for letting me down, so by miscarrying naturally and that I managed to cope with the pain (albeit with some strong painkillers) has helped me to forgive my body (I know it sounds silly)

I wish you the all the best with whatever you decide, go easy on yourself, its a horrible decision to have to make, as if losing our babies is not enough

sorry crossed posts, good luck for tomorrow x

Thank you for sharing your experience ringofdaisies and I am sorry for your loss. I think things might be taken out of my hands too as I'm now experiencing some very bad cramping and can't stand up straight. I've got my fiance coming home (I sent him to work) and he's under strict orders to bring home some painkillers and a hot water bottle. Thank you for the tip regarding Codeine too. I know what you mean about your body. Although I'm 42, I'm a personal trainer and so very fit and healthy and I don't understand why my baby died. x

thebishter

so sorry to read your posts... hope I can be a bit reassuring. I have had 3mmcs all around the 12 week mark; have had surgery twice and mc naturally once. The natural MC was ok for me (I know everyone's experience is different), a four hour session of very heavy blood loss, where I stayed in the bathroom and rotated from loo, to bath to shower, then it was just like a period for a week or so.

You may still be required to have another scan to check all has been passed, some people still need to have surgery to finish things off.

Re your comment about age. Sadly however fit you are, at our age (I'm 43) the issue is more that our eggs are, how can I put it, "more mature"... . If this is your first MC (sounds like it is?) that is unfortunately so common. As I write I'm fairly sure I'm having a chemical pregnancy (have had 2 faint positives, but now bleeding), so that means out of 5 pregnancies I have one successful one, a son of nearly 3. And I have had all the tests done, there is no reason why I am mc, apart from the age of the eggs sadly :(

Hope your recovery is quick. All the best.

thebishter I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are ... my thoughts are with you xxx

Dear Bishter and all !

I am so sorry to hear that you are also going through this. I just had my second consecutive miscarriage, first one was a 12 weeks and like some of you I had severe cramps, I actually I ended up in A&E as I wasn't sure what was happening and they sent me to the EPU where a really nice doctor helped with the evacuation. I recommend you go and get someone to help you if you are in terrible pain ...

You are likely to continue bleeding for another 1-2 weeks / I bled 2 weeks last time and 1 week this time (although this time the embryo was only 7 weeks)

Only thing they said to me is not to have a hot bath afterwards, in fact not to have a bath until the bleeding has completely stopped - this is to avoid any kind of infection - I know it's a pain I am dying to have a bath. They are likely to take a preg test in a couple of weeks and if it's negative it also means that all 'pregnancy material' has gone / give you another scan.

I hope you feel better soon, sorry it's really an awful feeling...

All the best,

I had an ERPC after being told at 11 weeks that my baby hadn't developed since 4 weeks (not technically a baby but it was to me). I preferred the ERPC option as I wanted it over with. The day before the ERPC, I had heavy cramping and lost a huge amount of blood; they still went ahead with the ERPC just in case there was something left. It felt right for me and was dealt with by the medical staff with real tenderness and dignity.

I had an ERPC at 13wks. To your question regarding pregnancy symptoms going away straight after the procedure, mine took around 3 days to completely go. what did happen though, which completely came as a surprise and i felt it was quite strange (if thats the right word), was my breasts leaked milk for the next 10 days following the ERPC. i didnt even think boobs had milk in them that early! that was harder to deal with then the actual procedure.