try again after mmc? Feel like I am going mad...

[sydenhamhiller]

feel like my head is spinning with everything.

I had a mmc at 11+ 6 at the end of January - thought everything was fine, still being sick! - due for nuchal scan, and then suddenly it happened...

I already have 2 children (now 7 and 5), and this was a planned pregnancy, but still a shock once it happened as I was soooooo tired and so sick, and still childminding and not telling anyone why I seemed so listless, and I did sometimes think 'oh no, what have we done, I'm too old at 38, such an age gap between the kids...' Then when I miscarried, I know in my heart thinking like that didn't make it happen but I felt so guilty.

I know we could try again, but I feel really scared now - maybe I am too old, I don't think I could go through that again And suddenly everyone (well, not everyone, but you know what I mean) at school suddenly seems to be pregnant with a 3rd or 4th child...

I feel like I can't move on, I don't know what I want - try again, or accept that I have a lovely DS and DD, and love on with new stage of life, go back to work outside house.

I think if I posted in AIBU someone would give me a slap and tell me to count my blessings and stop dwelling...and I know they're right. Just wondered if anyone else out there has this agonising?

Thanks - and I hope I don't upset anyone with this post, I know what a sensitive topic this is, and I had some lovely lovely support from this section back in January, which meant more that I can say.

Syd, when you don't know what to do the best thing is often to do nothing. I would ttc until you know that you want to - you may need some time out to grieve or it may be that your family is complete as it is. You just need to give yourself some time.

Sorry, I meant that I wouldn't ttc until you know that you want to.

Hi

I know exactly how you feel but mine was an unplanned pregnancy (hubby had snip 5 years ago). We already have 3 children 11,7 and 4 all at school now and just getting my life back with studying etc then i had mmc beginning of February and I was under alot of stress and wondered whether this was the cause of mmc. I beat myself up everyday and I know it is effecting my mental health the feeling of guilt is so so painful and since then I have had symptoms of pregnancy but I know it is just all in my mind. With ttc again I am trying so hard not to think about it but i know with my age my fertility is going down and time may not be on my side and i too feel scared of trying for another I think the only thing I can advise is try not to think about it (much easier said than done) and if it happens it happens but I have most definately agonised over this with my decision on whether ttc again, i personally feel for me its more of i may not have planned it but i wanted it and now i have lost it i want it more than ever if that makes any sense. We have just learned that my hubby's snip has completely failed and spontaneously rejoined so it is a possibilty that i could concieve again.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1181087-44-final-chance-for-baby-no-3

read my post sydenhamhiller, it broke my heart to read yours, very similar!

forgot to say when I first found out I was pregnant last time my immediate thought was 'but I've just lost all my weight (4 stone) and then beat myself up with guilt when I lost it when obviously I didn't mean it anyway!

Thanks everyone, somehow just feels better to know I'm not the only one to have felt like this... One day I think - no, I enjoy mindees as only 3 days a week and hand them back at 5, and I should think about what I want to do with rest of my life!
And then the next day, I feel the need for #3...

Best wishes with #3 dollyshouse, sounds like everything has worked out well :-)