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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Trying to stay positive...

9 replies

escapeartist · 23/04/2011 15:14

Hello everyone!

Had a mmc about 10 days ago, I was 9+2, but baby had died the week before at 8+4. I am struggling to stay positive and would LOVE to hear some stories from women who had a mc after seeing a heartbeat and have gone on to have a successful pregnancy.

I am so worried that the fact that there was a hb, then the fetus died indicates some sort of problem with me, as opposed to a chance event- any positive stories out there would really help me to look at the future with more hope.

Thanks in advance and happy Easter :)

OP posts:

munkii · 23/04/2011 15:33

This not your fault, please don't think it was.

I had a mc (not a mmc though) and went on very shortly after to convieve my beautiful DD who is now 18 weeks.

There is very often no real understandable reason which is so hard but please understand that in early mc it is usually a non viable embryo, most probably a genetic thing not an anatomical problem with you.

There will be others along with similar tales.

Please look after yourself, lots of hugs and cups of tea... do you have some good RL support?

Original poster

escapeartist · 23/04/2011 16:22

munkii thank you so much! Unfortunately I have no RL support - I am in a foreign country (one where talking about mc is considered quite shameful) and feel totally alone. DH is working long hours and feels guilty for not being around... my only two friends have either just had a baby (2 months ago) or expecting twins in June... and I feel that I can't face either of them...

Your story makes me feel better! It's the only thing that helps me right now. I also know I need to find a doctor who will listen to my concerns - my gynae tried to protect me from a lot during this whole thing and it seems that to her it is more important to make me feel better than to tell me what is really happening... I haven't had any of my questions answered, though I do realise not all questions to d with mc can be answered.

Thanks again - the more I read about others who have been through the more I feel that one day it might happen for me too!

OP posts:

jezebelle · 23/04/2011 16:28

I had a mmc last June at 12+6, no reason at all and baby had been fine at early scan at 9 weeks. I was told there was about a 1%-2% chance this could happen to anyone for no reason sadly. However here i am 32 weeks pg, due in June exactly 12 months after mmc and this baby is fine. I can't say you won't worry if you get pg again but there is no reason for it not to be a successful pregnancy.

Original poster

escapeartist · 23/04/2011 16:32

jezebelle thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear of your loss - it's tough when the percentages are so low... yet it happens anyway.

But congratulations on your pg and roll on June ;) Thanks again!

OP posts:

munkii · 23/04/2011 20:17

escape I am so sad that you have nobody you can talk to about this. Please do not sit and dwell BUT do allow yourself to grieve. We planted a beautiful shrub for our lost baby and I allowed myself to cry as much as I needed to.

When you get pg again (and I know it feels so raw and so far away right now) as jez says there will be worry and you will never ever forget your lost baby but take the support that is there. Everytime you get past a hurdle is a step towards feeling better.

I know you have a lot of questions but there (sadly) are very few concrete answers to early mc. But as I say it is very highly unlikely nigh on zero chance that this is something wrong with you or something that you did.

If you need to vent, vent here and we will listen to you. It is so bloody unfair and I really don't want to give you platitudes and empty words but I promise this horrible empty feeling will pass.

I am holding you tight in my thoughts and sending you a huge enveloping hug. I will be popping in again later.

There are some wonderful websites, the miscarriage association for one.

escape I am so sorry for your loss xxxx

munkii · 23/04/2011 20:18

p.s jez all the best with the PG and birth!

silverangel · 23/04/2011 21:05

I had a mmc in December, picked up at first scan at 12+5, baby died at 8 + 3, am now 17 weeks with identical twins and everything is going well. We decided to take a relaxed approach to conceiving again and very luckily were pregnant again on the next cycle. Good luck!

Original poster

escapeartist · 25/04/2011 11:39

Thank you all for your positive comments and especially munkii - your support means a lot. Silverangel all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy and birth - good luck with the twins!~

I am finding it hard to imagine I will have a successful pregnancy, have been reading lots and lots of medical journals and feeling pretty low about my future prospects. It took us over a year to conceive the first time (though it was quite the year, part of our house burnt down, my father got sick and subsequently died, my DH was laid off) and I am worried that it will take ages again... and when it happens all bets are off... Your positive stories mean a lot!

OP posts:

munkii · 25/04/2011 16:07

Yes I know you will feel low, but take heart it took me 16 months to concieve my first baby, which we lost but our second came along in the very next cycle.

Don't read too much (as a scientist myself it can be difficult not to... I know) as you may upset yourself unduly.

Thinking about you and hoping you have some happy news soon.

and silver I am so sorry for your loss but so pleased about your PG I hope you are well and all goes swimmingly.

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