scan today - baby died at 7 weeks, no inkling of any problems

[georgethecat]

It just feels horrible doesn't it. Don't know why but just feel like a dickhead as a few people at work knew I was pregnant and I was so sure it was all fine. I cant even face my mum and dad as it was to be their first grandchild I dont want to see their sad faces. I know I am just winging but it does help to deposit it all into cyberspace.

I am so sorry for you, take some time for yourself but please don't worry yourself with other people's grief. I am sure they will all be as devastated as you are but you must think of yourself and look after yourself.

Oh you poor poor thing, just sending you a big hug and loads of positive thoughts. someone will be along soon with some real help... xxxxxxxx

I'm so sorry :(

You're not whinging, don't be silly. You had a scan today, just today? Of course you want to talk about it. Just as background, I had a scan at 11 weeks (back in Jan) and the baby had died at 6. I felt like a dickhead as well. I felt as if I had pretended to be pg when actually I was only pg for 2 of the 7 weeks I thought I was pg. I worked out that the baby was already gone when I was sitting in the doctor's surgery while she calculated due dates and wrote to midwives. It sucks.

Have you told your parents? How far along were you? Tell me to sod off if you want! xx

So sorry george You're not whinging at all - getting it off your chest really helps.

I mc in Nov at almost 6 weeks but sort of knew it wasn't right from the beginning. Found out i was pg again last monday and thought it was all ok so told two friends. Started bleeding again yesterday and now feel a right idiot for thinking it was sensible to tell anyone! If i ever manage it again i'm not telling anyone for weeks. Can't decide whether to tell my parents at all as, like with you, it would be their first grandchild and my mum especially was so excited the first time, even though she did get a bit of warning all wasn't right.

I'm sure your parents will just be worried about you and having support in real life does help, even if you come on here to let all the upset out. Lots of lovely people on here. Take care of yourself x

Hiya nah its ok, I thought I was 12 weeks but it had died 5 weeks ago and yea I was filling in forms with my midwife and peeing into tiny tubes for no good reason. Yea its like you were just pretending isnt it, like you should have known some how. Its a bit sick isnt it that you have to do all that crap before they actually check whether you are pregnant or that everything is ok. Meh o well, yea it does suck but it does help to talk to people on here, OH has retreated to the pub and I am knee deep in a bucket of icecream! Thanks mumsnetters for instant support from people who have been there and while I wouldnt wish this kackiness on anyone its good to know that others have felt the same. shit, people must have felt so much more depressed and alone before the internet xxxxx

Thanks George - it's good to know that I'm not alone - I had 12 week scan on tuesday only to be told that baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks - was/is devastating. Having had a miscarriage before, I had only told one friend that I was pregnant and was definately glad that we hadn't told more people - gives you a chance to deal with the impact first. It really does suck and makes it very hard not to worry with your next pregnancy, but I did have beautiful dd2 after 1st miscarriage so all can be well again. Having said that, still feeling a bit raw and scared to try again at the mo. Totally know what you mean about parents - I hid from my in-laws (in the shed!) the first time they came round after we told them.

I am so sorry george. I am going through a similar thing at the moment. Got my second scan tomorrow since I went for a dating scan at 9/10 weeks and had some bleeding and at the scan they said I could only be 6 weeks along - since I had found out over 5 weeks before I thought that was impossible. Now waiting for a second scan to confirm it. I was more annoyed with myself for being good when on holiday last month and only having 1 glass of champagne for my DH's 30th birthday when everyone was partying hard.

I think the last 10 days I have learnt so much. I think before then I thought that if things went so wrong you would know about it and never realised that you could have a missed miscarriage.

I texted close family and just said that we didn't want to talk. I then spoke when I felt ready but spent around 48 hours with the phone switched off. I also took all of last week of work whereas my DH didn't then got sent home after getting tearful when a work colleague showed him a picture of his wife's scan.

I think the being stuck in no man's land is the worst bit. I am desperate to have an ERPC so at least I can start moving forward and planning my life around the fear that I could miscarry at any point. x

Hiya Lig & WLmum yea I didnt really think much would be up as like you didnt really know about a missed one. I thought it would be all blood and drama.

Yea Im booked into ERPC tomorrow and that will feel like that will be this chapter over and onwards and upwards to the next shot at being a mum. At the moment it is like you said limbo land, you just feel acutely aware of the failed attempt that remains inside.

Its gutting isnt it because as well as the obvious bit you grieve daft things like missed stinky cheese opportunities, or panicking about the one day you missed your folic acid supplement - you now reflect and think what was the point.

Like you guys I hid from people last night, my mum was crying and seeing the disappointment on her face would have just broken me. But I often think that at times like this you really can appreciate your family,OH and close friends. I have had some amazing support today and even just gardening alongside my mum and talking about the state of the moss in the lawn helped!

Also looking at some of the inspiring stories on here is incredible, hopefully some of us will get that positive ending that we crave. We will also appreciate it all the more for surviving the crap end of baby making. Love to all, its pants but we'll get there xxxx

Good luck tomorrow george - I hope it all goes well and that you feel better after the ERPC. x

Huge hugs...hate to say this but it does happen a lot....it has no impact on future pregnancies....hope I don't sound heartless....just wanted to hold your hand and say if you got pregnant once likelihood is you will do again. Big hug coming to you........

Sure you will feel better after the ERPC George - although it was obviously a horrible experience, I did feel alot better after, and as you say, could think about moving on. I indulged myself in lots of cups of real tea - not having to watch the caffeine intake!

Take care George and good luck for tomorrow. I had 3 mc before this one sticking, one was horrendous :(
fwiw i refused any booking or intervention with this pregnancy (now 31 wks) till i was 13 weeks and had a reassuring 12 wk scan, i couldn't go through all the taking blood and answering questions till i knew there was a chance xx

Hi ladies had ERPC today which I was surprised did not hurt at all, was home by lunch and helping mum in garden. Silver linings - the doctor was sooooo lovely, held my hand and said he was sorry that such a rotten thing had happened in such a genuine way for a man that whips out ladies bits on a daily basis. That's a great idea jezebel, may do that next time, good luck with the last leg of your pregnancy xxx Thanks for all the support, advice and well-wishing over past few days it has been invaluable. If I can return the favour at any time pm me anytime xxxxx

I know how you feel hun, before my first mc i told loads of people as it was my first ever pregancy. I felt so silly when i found out i mc and then months after i had people ask where my baby was. I feel for you hun ! It does get easyer xxxxxxx