Just had an ERPC - feel empty...

[escapeartist]

... but not quite as sad as I thought I would.

On my 9 week scan (and after some bleeding two scans with heartbeats before) there was no HB. I have to say I kind of knew... my breasts had deflated, my ms gone... and I just didn't feel pregnant. But seeing it was something else.

My DH and I had been trying for 13 months (during which my father died, DH lost his job, we had to move house as our, luckily rented, house burnt down... and generally not our best year). We were so delighted by the pg and thought it was our ray of sunshine.

I am flat, and empty, and have cried at times, but I know that I will be over this and we've been through worse etc. What worries me is:

1. what after the ERPC?
2. how long it will take us to conceive second time round and
3. what if it happens again... How do you cope with any upcoming pregnancies?

I know no one has the answers. But would love to hear from women who managed to have babies after a mmc (or more).

(Lies down and wishes she was not on antibiotics so she could have a glass of wine...)

sending you sympathy.
was it your first pregnancy?
you could in theory get pregnant about two weeks after your ERPC - the procedure tends to 'clear everything out' and make your uterus nice and ready for another pregnancy. who knows how long it will take you to conceive, but it could happen this month. re. your third question, you just do. unfortunately miscarriage spoils subsequent pregancies. you're always on tenterhooks, looking out for the signs that it's gone wrong again. you'll find yourself analysing every tiny symptoms. frankly, it's torture, but if you want a baby, you just have to get through it, one day at a time. i've gone through it four times myself; the fifth time we ended up with a lovely daughter. by far the worst thing about it was the first few weeks of each pregnancy, during which i was just on tenterhooks all the time, before the misery of another loss.i wouldn't wish it on anyone. but if this was your first pregnancy, and you are 35 or younger, and otherwise in good health, the chances are your next pregnancy will be absolutely fine. if you are older than 35, there is a higher chance of another loss.

Hi, I had an ERPC last tuesday. I had a bleed around 6wks, only had a yolk sac at scan, went for 8wk scan and we saw the HB. We were both estatic and really relieved to see everything was ok. Or so we thought :( at our 12wk scan, where I was actually 13wks, baby didnt have a HB and had died 5wks earlier. They said it had happened very soon after seeing the HB. This has made us very unhappy.

We seem to have the same worries. We conceived in my 2nd cycle, and was shocked at how quick it happened, i just worry it wont happen as quick next time round. Or that Im expecting it to and will be devastated if it takes a while. My sister has been trying for 7mths and has had no luck, and I can see how upsetting it is and I dont need more heartache. We are also really worried it will happen again and I know Il spend probably every day of the 9mths worrying.

What makes it easier for me to cope with it all is knowing that it has happened for a reason, not just out of spite to hurt us. And I think if the pregnancy did progress maybe the baby would be born with problems or the pregnancy could have ended at a much later stage, which would have been even more devastating.

Just try and relax, put your feet up and I wish you all the best for the future :)

So sorry to hear of your loss. I had a miscarriage myself a couple of weeks ago at 7 weeks (after we had seen the heartbeat but the baby was measuring small for dates).

This was my second pregnancy, and my first pregnancy resulted in my DS (who was conceived via IVF/ICSI), so no idea about any of your questions. But I wish you all the best for the future and hope you have a healthy pregnancy soon.

Thank you everyone for answering. I am really not sure how to feel. I go from being fine, to being pretty low. We live abroad and only have a couple of friends here, both of whom are pregnant at the time, one with twins after 3 years of IVF etc. I am worried about how I will feel when I see them again. I feel fine at the thought, but then I get teary at the stupidest things....

Thanks again for the advice and the wishes.

sotough yes, it was my first pregnancy. I''m sorry for your losses, but you sound so strong and you are an inspiration to us all - four times and then fifth time lucky! I guess it makes you appreciate what you have even more! I am 30 this year, my husband is 37, but we are both very healthy (both ex professional athletes)

no1childminder sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your wishes and hope all goes well in your future too!

Flipfantasia Thanks for replying. I know my questions are not even logical right now... I am all over the place both emotionally and physically and I guess I just need reassurance more than anything else...

This forum is a life-saver. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

btw - i have very little bleeding, despite being told i would bleed for several days. In fact today I have no bleeding... what were your experiences?

Escapeartist it's totally natural to be all over the place...there's no "right" way to react to something so sad . I actually lurked a lot on the Nov antenatal thread when I was still pregnant, so recognised your name from there.

Bleeding wise, I had quite bad bleeding for a couple of days, during which we had 2 scans showing a heartbeat. But then the bleeding got a lot worse the next day and I passed the sac. That was a Friday and the bleeding was terrible over the weekend but by Monday was easing and by Tuesday had pretty much stopped. That was just over a week ago and have not had any bleeding since. In fact, I've got signs of impending ovulation (am amazed at my body's ability to just carry on...). I've heard that after an ERPC bleeding can be less as so much is taken out. The doctor I saw at the hospital told me not to expect it to be like a period, that it may come and go, but to seek medical advice if it suddenly got very heavy (soaking through a pad in an hour).

I've got no close friends pregnant at the moment but there are a lot of pregnant women at work. Amazingly, it's been fine. Only my boss knew I was pregnant so I haven't had to "untell" anyone at work about being pregnant (I had also only just returned from a year's maternity leave when I started to bleed). I'm kind of extra happy that my colleagues are having successful pregnancies iykwim as I now understand a bit more just how fragile the whole thing can be...mind you not sure how I'll feel if I come across anyone due in November (the what ifs will be a lot harder to deal with then ).