missed miscarriage

7 replies

Beckaboo456 · 04/04/2011 11:24

I had my 12 week scan last week and was told that i had had a missed miscarriage, i was devastated, we have been trying to get pregnant for 6mnths and wanted this baby so much. i was told that my babies heart beat had stopped at 9weeks but i was 12weeks gone and no signs.
i cant understand why body didnt reject it...... i went into hospital sat morning for medical management.... it was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, passing the babies sack, when i knew that my baby should be in there all safe and healthy and in my tummy. i came home from hospital last nite, and feel so empty....... am feeling nervous about the scan i have booked for 2morro to make sure that all the tissues have left my body..... i really want this baby...... its so unfair :(
i keep getting told there is no reason why this happens... but there must be some sort of reasoning... i just get my head around it... did i do something wrong.......

OP posts:

jezebelle · 04/04/2011 11:30

Aww Becka soory for your loss :(
I had a mmc at 13 weeks last year, the baby had dies the day before my scan :( I had a ERCP as i couldn't bear to have to go through losing anything :(
I'm now 29 weeks pg, there was no reason for my mmc and i was told it was just one of those sad things that happens to a small percentage, but had no problems with this pg and hopefully you'll go on to have a successful pregnancy next time :) xx

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/04/2011 11:32

I'm so sorry to hear about your mmc. I know exactly how you feel. It happened to me (and lots of others here) in January, Went for a scan at 11 weeks and baby had died at 6 weeks. Also been trying for months and was devastated.

It is unfair and crap but you absolutely totally did not do anything wrong, please don't think that, although I know it's nearly impossible not to. It was just shit luck, there would have been absolutely nothing you could have done differently.

There is no reasoning that I know of, I wish there was to help us to make sense of it. Take it one day at a time, don't rush anything, and if you#re working, don't be afraid to take as much time as you need. I'm really sorry, I wish there was something useful I could say xx

CMOTdibbler · 04/04/2011 11:37

I've had 2 mmc - one like yours found at a routine scan. I was told that to some extent, having a mmc is a sign that your body is quite capable of holding onto a pregnancy (its not your body rejecting it/hormone levels. uterus problems). Not that this is any comfort now, but it may mean you have a better chance in the future.

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, and hope for better days

meliesmummy · 04/04/2011 13:25

I'm sorry that you are going through this, it happened to me 7 weeks ago, I had medical management too. It will, very slowly, get better, although some days are still very hard. I know what you mean about looking for reasons, but you will probably never know, I have found that extremely difficult. I do get some comfort from the fact that my body 'held onto' the baby for 3 more weeks, so I'm assuming that it was unlikely to have been anything to do with my body, more that the baby just was unable to survive for a genetic reason. Please don't blame yourself.

I have got a lot of comfort from mumsnet, it really helps that I can come on here and say exactly what I am feeling. Also, I wrote my baby a letter which helped, and we've planted a shrub as a memorial.

I hope that your scan goes well tomorrow, I found it difficult going back to the EPU but it was reassuring to know that my body was recovering as it should. Take care x

Original poster

Beckaboo456 · 05/04/2011 11:29

thankyou for the comforting words and advice. it has helped to read others stories and has bought me some comfort.
I have my scan later on today, and then i am hoping that i will be able to deal with this and try to get back to some normality.
i just wish things could have been different.....
its nice to hear that others that have suffered this loss have gone on to have healthy pregnancies after.....
people keep saying to me , its ok you can try for another one, i dont think they can understand that i want this baby not another one..... and when do you know your ready to try again anyway?!?
i just dont how to feel at the moment and i think thats one of the hardest things, i know i feel loss and upset but i cant help but feel angry to, why me!

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/04/2011 11:34

I have a theory that as soon as you see that line on the pg test (assuming it's a wanted pregnancy), you immediately make a space in your life for that person, within a split second. And that space can't be unmade, it's always there. It will get smaller and less obvious in time but there will always be that 'missing' person at the very back of your consciousness.

It sounds a bit dramatic but once I reasoned it out like that, I found it a bit easier to get my head round because I felt like I was grieving for something concrete and it also accounts for that feeling of wanting that baby, not just another one.

Take care of yourself, and one day at a time x

vickytheviking75 · 07/04/2011 19:56

Hi I went for a scan today, I was 8 weeks 5 days. The baby has no heartbeat they say he or she died only a few days ago as was measuring 8 weeks. I have to go the hosp tomorrow for the medical management. Im scared, I have been through a miscarriage 3 years ago so know whats going to happen. Im sorry for your loss I know exactly how you feel as this baby was very much longed for.
xx

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