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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

How to move forward following a stillbirth at full term

39 replies

AmberV · 28/03/2011 20:31

Hi, I am new to Mumsnet and also new to joining any forum. I suffered a still birth at 38 + 4 weeks, 2 weeks ago. Its only 2 weeks ago but feels like 2 years, each day feels like a month.

I just wondered if anyone else had gone through anything similar? Also, if anyone else had gone through a still birth and then gone on to have healthy babies?

My head is all over the place at the moment, dealing with my body acting like its never been pregnant and returning to normal, grieving for my little girl I lost and being terrified of the future and fearful of never becoming a mum and getting to cuddle my baby and bring her home.

OP posts:
louisesh · 30/03/2011 21:45

Oh AmberV time is on your side i m 40 now,was 39 when i had Georgie.X

sweetlucy · 31/03/2011 11:28

Amber, I'm so sorry about the loss of your little girl. It's an awful thing to go through.

I lost my baby boy at 37 weeks last November. It was my first baby and I am, as you are, worried I will never get the chance to be a mother. I've heard a lots of stories from women who this also happened to and who went on to have perfectly healthy babies. Don't give up hope.

It's a long road to recovery, don't try to get back to normal too soon, take time to grieve for the loss of your precious baby girl.

My test results didn't show anything either and I grilled my consultant as I felt it wasn't good enough. I just couldn't get around the fact that my perfectly healthy baby could just stop living for no reason. She said there was a reason, something happened that caused the death but they don't know what it is. She also said that the fact they didn't find anything was better than if they found something incurable.

Be strong and take it a day at a time, time does make it easier somehow.

janedoe25 · 31/03/2011 14:58

amber i am so sorry to hear of your little girl, did you name her?

my daughter Zoe was stillborn almost 5 weeks ago, so i know only to well the feelings you are having. we dont know waht caused her death yet as we are waiting on the PM results.
I hope you have support from family and friends, i have found mine invaulable. Take each day/hour as it comes and dont be afraid to let your feelings out.
I am also thinking about having another baby, i am longing to have a child to hold and physically care for.

Amber if you ever need to talk please private message me. I hope you are doing ok.

sleeppeacefullybabyboy · 31/03/2011 23:32

Hey,
im so sorry for your loss, i lost my little man, born sleeping at chrismas. Just wanted to let you know about the forum on the SANDS website, its under 'message boards' on the right hand side of the screen. It has totally been my lifeline over the past 14 weeks and will be for the forseable future.
Thinking of you.xx

AmberV · 03/04/2011 18:35

Thank you so much for taking the time to send your messages. My family and friends are great but I think unless you have been through this, its difficult for anyone to imagine what its like.

We have had quite a traumatic week, we went to see Evie following the post mortem, I am so glad I saw her, I really didn't know what to expect but she was just how I remembered, beautiful. We took a little pink hat with bunny ears and a lovely pink blanket that they wrapped her in, she looked such a cute little dot. We stroked her little nose and hand and cried our eyes out. We got some lovely pictures of her too that we will cherish. All our hopes and dreams for her stolen in one foul swoop.

We saw our consultant as well later that day, she said that all my blood results have come back clear, she is 99% sure that nothing will come back from the PM either. She seems to think that because Evie was so tiny and had only put on 7oz in 16 days from my 36 week scan to when she was born that my placenta had failed toward the end. She said if I fell pregnant again they would put me on aspirin and look to do a c-section at 36 weeks, maybe 37 at the latest.

LouiseSH - so sorry to hear about baby Georgie. Do you think you might try for another baby in time? We were very similar to you, we listened to Evie's heartbeat on Thursday evening and by Friday morning there was nothing. So hard to get your head round.

Bumpsadaisie - thanks for giving me the hope that its possible to go onto have healthy children, I have heard that a lot on this site and its so reassuring. Must have been tough back then, my aunt had stillbirth twins at 6 months and didnt even get to see or hold them, they were taken away straight away.

Sweetlucy - so sorry to hear about your little boy, what was his name? Do you think you might try again for another baby or does it feel too soon?

Sleeppeacefully - so sorry to hear about your little boy. What did you call him? how many weeks were you? Thank you for letting me know about the Sands message board.

x

OP posts:
louisesh · 03/04/2011 20:06

Hi Amber how are you doing? Silly question really its bloody hard isn t it? The old cliche "time is a healer" does/did help .The pain never ever goes away i just found better ways to cope and came ,at most times, to see only the good of having Georgie, not the pain.
With regards to ttc we did straight away virtually i had a CP in Dec which was fine as i saw it as a positive sign my body was desperate to get pg again.I m now 9 weeks,3 days pg and its bloody hard going mentally.I m too on aspirin ,was last time like you all our tests were nad.Georgie died from E coli which is a bacteria we all carry with no problems but as i 'd lost my mucus plug on the Fri am then had the 2 nd sweep it exercabated the E coli from my vagina to the placenta as only the placental swabs showed E coli.Georgie then died of hypoxia[lack of oxygen].Excuse me if i ve told you all this already memory like crap at the moment!!!!
I ll be having a section at 37 weeks too.

There is a lot of info to digest and work through and over time you ll somehow find a way to but it is very,very hard.
Please take careXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

sweetlucy · 03/04/2011 20:35

Amber My baby's name was Leon.
It's good you saw Evie (such a lovely name!).

We will try again soon but I'm not up to it mentally and I'm waiting for the result for my thrombosis(I think?) test. My consultant also said that next time I would be induced at 37 weeks, but I lost my Leon at 37 weeks and would prefer if they could do it at 36 weeks. I want a baby so much but have now the fear of losing a second baby. It's tough.

louise congratulations!!!!!

louisesh · 04/04/2011 12:48

Thanks sweetlucy XX

AmberV · 04/04/2011 15:56

Hi Sweetlucy, I know what you mean about not being ready mentally.

My consultant said you need to think about whether you would be mentally prepared if you were to fall pregnant again and have another miscarriage, but then I don't think I would ever be mentally prepared for that whether I waited a month or a year, I would just have to deal with it if it happened.
I think my fear of never being a mum is more than my fear of something happening if I did fall pregnant. I just want to be a mum so much.

I think they can induce you at 36 weeks if the baby is developed enough can't they.

I hope you don't have to wait too long for the results of your thrombosis test. Hopefully next year we will each have a gorgeous little baby to love and look after xx

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 05/04/2011 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBoyJacob · 30/07/2011 11:45

Hello ...
I've been reading all your stories and wanted to share with you all what has happened me.

I was 41 weeks and went to my midwife on the morning for a sweep. She checked Jacob's heartbeat which was fine but when I mentioned that I hadn't felt him move much that morning, she said just keep an eye on him.

I went into labour at 3pm that afternoon and got to the hospital at 8pm and when I was checked over I was fully dilated !!
I asked them to check Jacob and when they did they were worried
as his heartbeat was irregular. They told me of the urgency to get him out and he was delivered at 9:57pm on the 13th July. They tried for 20mins to revive him but the lack of oxygen to his brain made it impossible.

We decided against a PM as he was born so perfect but are having tests on the cord and placenta. The staff at our hosiptal were fantasic so we got to spend 8 days with our boy before his cremation on the 21st July.

I'm constantly asking why me, why me and why didn't pick up on any signs that he was slipping away? I had a perfect pregnancy but now feel that I was only looking after myself when I should have been looking after my little boy.

We are hopfully going to our first SANDS meeting next month so hopefully they will provide us with some support but how are is everyone coping on here?

vividgingerchilli · 30/07/2011 11:50

Sorry to hear about your loss AmberV. Hugs.

Mama5isalive · 31/07/2011 23:55

Thoughts and prayers goes out to you myboyjacob. i cant imagine the pain and sadness you and yours must be feeling right now! I pray that as you take each day as it comes you get strength from each other.putting one foot in front of the other and as the hands tick on the clock so quick the day will pass, not to forget jacob but just so it dont hurt so bad( i only pray that you will be blessed very soon and you will get your joy back!
AmberV - i only hope that as your post was in March time has healed your heart and your moving on slowly one day at a time! never forgetting your perfect little girl.
xxx

MyBoyJacob · 01/08/2011 13:46

Thank you Mama5isalive - We may never get any answers as to what happened but hopefully time will be a great healer and we manage to move on, one day at a time.
AmberV - I do hope that since your post that your heart is healing and that you are thinking positively for the future.

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