2 DC 2 MCs, try again or leave it????

[spiderslegs]

4 yo ds & 2.5 yo dd, had second mc in a year on Friday, both pregnancys curtailed at 8 wks but spont mc at 12 wks with both (first one horrid bleeding & near death), apparent chromosomal probs. Try again or just be happy with two - always thought I'd have three....

Sorry, horrid punctuation

So sorry to hear of your losses. It sounds as if you've had an absolutely dreadful time.

How old are you?

37, maybe give up then?

I don't think you are too old at 37 to try again - it's a question more of whether your doctor thinks it's safe (given that you nearly died after your first MC) for you to keep trying, and whether you think that you can cope with the fear of another MC.

My first two pregnancies ended in early MCs, and then I had DS1. We then tried for another baby (because I'd always wanted at least two), but I took the view that if I had another MC, or I never got pregnant again, I would cope, because at least I had DS1 - and I never expected to have him. In the end I fell pregnant with DS2 at the first attempt, and had the most uncomplicated pregnancy.

But although I would love another baby (another two really), I don't feel brave enough to try. I'm almost 40, and I take the view that if we have a happy accident between now and the menopause, and it works out well, then it was meant to be, but I daren't actively try to get pregnant. Strangely, I feel less philosophical about the possibility of a third MC than I did when we tried for DS2.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that two MC don't mean that you won't have a successful pregnancy next time round - all it does mean is that you will be more stressed and may find it even harder to cope with a third MC.

What does your DH/DP feel about it?

He says no - he's too scared to let me try, his mother died in CB when he was 14

How very sad - no wonder he's so scared.

What are the risks to you of another MC?

Probably none - who knows? First one was horrible, lost alot of blood, I think it scared him, second, quite straightforward - he gripped my hand as though he thought he'd never see me again though & told me never again

so sorry for your losses :(

I'm not surprised your DH is frightened of this possibly happening again, given your experience of your first mc and his loss of his mum.

I guess you need to talk about it with him - I understand the feeling of needing to have another dc but also being aware of the risk of mc'ing again. You both have very strong emotions about this, which are entirely understandable, and the best I can suggest is that you take your time to decide and listen to each other's views.

most of all take care of yourself and make sure you have lots of support around xx

I'm in a very similar situation spiderslegs
We lost a little boy in October at 20 weeks gestation and I then went on to have a miscarriage at 7 weeks last month. I have two boys aged 4 and 6 and had perfectly normal, healthy pregnancies with them.
My DH would be quite happy if we stopped at two, but it just feels like there is someone missing to me, especially so now.

Thanks for all your advice, think we'll just enjoy the Summer, treasure what we have & I'll think about it again in the Autumn. I still can't help thinking three would be better though, even though I am enjoying the wine......

ilove - so sorry about your boy, I know how you feel.