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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

ERPC and time off work

23 replies

Rupsje · 10/03/2011 10:18

Hello everyone

I have posted before about my MMC, which was diagnosed last week at the 12 week scan and confirmed yesterday.

I now have an ERPC booked for tomorrow (Friday). When I told my boss, he seemed to think that worked well as "I would have the weekend to recover". When I said I'd quite like an extra day off on Monday so I can go and see my mum and dad, he seemed a bit surprised, and now I feel guilty about it, as we are very busy at work. Is it normal to have a few days off after the ERPC?

Many thanks for any thoughts. I have found this forum such a helpful place to spend time over the past week, although I am so sad we are all going through this.

Love

OP posts:

EldonAve · 10/03/2011 10:20

Personally I needed a week each time

louisesh · 10/03/2011 10:28

Sorry X

I too had a week off X You can self cert for a week anyhow and if you need more time get a sick note.There's more important stuff in life than work.

KTDace · 10/03/2011 10:32

I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree with the others you need more time off than the weekend. Personally I think a week off is the minimum you need but I have never had a ERPC I naturally MC'd each time. You need time to mourn your loss and be kind and gentle to yourself.

Take care x

hairylights · 10/03/2011 10:38

Sorry for your loss.

I was signed off for two weeks when I was told about the MMC, two weeks after the ERPC, and a further two weeks after that by my GP. ALL the medical staff told me to take as much time as I needed to get over it and grieve.

I felt physically fine a couple of days afterwards, bleeding was very minimal, but my head was in the shed for a good six weeks after losing my baby - I had a MC in June and this second one was in November.

I think it will depend on how you feel after - and have no doubt that the medical staff will offer you a fit note which signs you off for as long as you need.

Original poster

Rupsje · 10/03/2011 10:47

Thank you very much everyone. It is so true that that are more important things in life than work.

I think my boss may be struggling a bit with the concept as it is a very male-dominated environment and I don't think this has ever happened to him before. I will not worry and stay home for however long I need.

Thank you again and lots of love.

OP posts:

creamcracker · 10/03/2011 10:53

I'm going in for an ERPC on Monday and having the rest of the week off. I've already had a week and a half off - since finding out about the MMC and waiting to have it officially confirmed etc.

I'd be strong and if you feel you need more time take it - if not you'll only end up going back before you've truly got over it (or over the intial bit - as I don't think you ever get 'over it' so to speak). If you don't take the time now you may end up needing to take more time off in the long run because you didn't deal with it at the time.

Don't allow your boss to pressure you into it - you need time to recover emotionally as well!

shelley72 · 10/03/2011 11:04

i am sorry for your loss.

i had an ERPC in June 09 and was signed off by the hospital for 2 weeks.

i needed a further 4 after that before i felt able to go back to work, and even that was a struggle. physically i felt better quickly, emotionally it was a very dark time.

you take as long as you need to take - work is not all that important in the grand scheme of things.

be kind to yourself and take care.x

wellieboots · 10/03/2011 11:26

I found out about my mmc on the Wednesday morning, had my erpc on the Monday, and returned to work the following Monday. The doctor I saw at the epu said that was the soonest I should go back, and my gp would have been happy to sign me off for an extra week or two.

You need to take your time and deal with what has happened, your priority at the moment is looking after yourself and work will be there when you feel better and when you are ready for it. Please take good care of yourself.

Maddikins · 10/03/2011 11:35

I had almost 5 weeks off in total 2 weeks before and 3 after I think. Physically I would have been ok to go back the week after (had the erpc on a Tuesday). But I felt I needed a bit longer to come to terms with everything. My gp would have signed me off longer had I wanted to be.

MsJL · 10/03/2011 13:15

Dear rupsje

I am so sorry you're going through this. How heartbreaking to have made such a sad discovery at your scan*.

You should take whatever time you need and not feel bullied by work. I work in a female/gay office with no straight mean at all and the level of support and care isn't any better. At the risk of sounding mad I have only ever taken off the op and the day after if it's not fallen at a weekend (I've had 4 ERPC's). I'm not advocating it but it's what I felt I 'had' to do. You should take whatever time you need and make sure you plan some things to look forward to, however, fleeting or silly.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best for tomorrow.

*The same thing happened to a good friend on her first pregnancy and she has two gorgeous children now.

Original poster

Rupsje · 10/03/2011 14:17

Thank you again for all the kind words. I am so sorry for everyone who has had to go through this. creamcracker, all the best for Monday and please look after yourself. I am so sorry for your loss.

I think it is taking some time to sink in and today has been very emotional. I am lucky that DH has been wonderful and our hospital has looked after us very well.

Many thanks for all your support.

OP posts:

uggmum · 10/03/2011 15:07

I had the procedure on a Friday and I had a week off work afterwards. To the honest, I was ok physically but emotionally I felt very fragile. I felt fine going to work but when I got there I was tearful.

I wish I had had an extra week off. My doctor was happy to sick note me for as long as I felt necessary but it was the week before Christmas and I was very busy at work so felt I had to go back.

Therefore, I would recommend that you don't commit to when you will return to work and take each day as it comes.

silverangel · 10/03/2011 16:55

uggmum I was same as you - procedure on Friday and took the following week off. I felt ready to go back by about the wednesday but then it snowed and I couldnt have got in anyway. In hindisight, I was glad of the extra couple of days.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/03/2011 19:43

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I had mine on a Monday and returned to work the following Monday. Technically I only had 2 days off as I work Mon - Weds. However, as it happened, a week wasn't long enough, plus I returned to work on the day I would have had my 12 week scan. With hindsight I would take all the time you need to start with, I went back too early and am still having meltdowns in the office 6 weeks later.

The other tip I got was that my boss (who used to work in a medical field) put post-surgery recovery on my sick form rather than miscarriage. She said that then covered me for any related time I needed to take off.

Take care xx

Camerondiazepam · 10/03/2011 19:50

There is a big gap here between what your manager expects and how you might feel/what you might need. I think it's worth over-egging how much time you might need to manage his expectations appropriately, if you feel up to it you can always go back sooner.
FWIW I had a MMC on a Tues, had that week off and the following week off and still didn't really fancy going back but didn't want it to be a big "why was she off" sort of deal.
Sorry for your loss x

kat2504 · 11/03/2011 00:21

I think you are underestimating the recovery time. I had mine last summer during the holidays so I wasn't at work anyway as I am a teacher. However, they told me I would need a week or two to recover physically. If I had have had to go to work, I would have needed at least a week for the physical recovery (bleeding and passing clots, which was a bit painful). As for the psychological recovery, I was quite glad to have four weeks until I had to go back to work and even then, I was only just ready.

Your boss clearly has no idea about either the procedure or how losing a baby affects you. Not his fault perhaps if he has not come across this before but do not feel pressured. You need to look after yourself at this time. The miscarriage association has a leaflet to download on their site about work related issues if you feel that might help. Put yourself first. Get signed off for two weeks if that is what you need and then take it from there.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss and wish you all the best for the future.

LadyWellian · 11/03/2011 00:52

Rupsje and others I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm a bit 'sticky' inside and though I MCd my first naturally at 15wks, I had to have an ERPC (and 3 pints of blood) to tidy things up. I can't remember how much time I had off work but I don't think more than about a week.

This was a mistake. I was physically very weak and an emotional mess. I solidered on, but when I MCd my second at about 7wks (a walk in the park compared with the first), a female manager at work who I think had MC experience insisted I took at least two weeks off. I felt a bit of a fraud as I was physically fine, but emotionally it was what I needed.

On a positive note, my 3rd MC (9wks) turned out not to be (EPU said 'there's the heartbeat'. We said 'there's the what ?) and DD is now 11. Still needed MROP with her though.

I think your boss is being a bit ridiculous, but I also understand how emotionally painful it would be for you to explain the character of your loss.

My very best wishes.

iggi999 · 13/03/2011 21:55

You are having an operation and there's no way of knowing how quickly you'll recover after it. After my ERPC I felt dizzy to the point of falling over for a week - some kind of imbalance GP said, went away after a week. There was no way I could've worked through that. Your boss isn't being very understanding, having said that I'd no idea what was involved in having a mc myself before it happened to me. I do hope you're not going into work tomorrow.

angela85 · 19/03/2011 20:24

Not sure if anyone is still posting on this thread, but in case anyone else finds themselves in the same situation... I had an ERPC on Thursday evening, and i went back to work today...BIG MISTAKE!!!! Felt awful, both physically and emotionally. I managed 2 hours before i came home again.

I felt bad because i've only just had 2 weeks holiday, before i found out about the MC, so didn't want to let them down. But seriously, take all the time you need.. don't make the same mistake as me!

So sorry for all of your losses, and hope you all are doing well now. xxx

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/03/2011 00:01

I can echo that. I had been off for 7 weeks with pneumonia, then back for 2 weeks, then had my mmc. I rushed back to work as I also felt bad that I was off again. It was a disasterous move and I wish I hadn't been so hasty. I'm still finding it hard 8 weeks on.

SueWhite · 20/03/2011 00:14

I think you should have more time.

Your boss probably just doesn't realise how difficult it can be. By 12 weeks you're not showing very much. I used to think that a miscarriage was just like a heavy period, not a big deal. It's a really misunderstood thing. I'm sure if you explain just a little more he will be sympathetic.

milkyway2007 · 20/03/2011 00:17

I had 2 days off work after my ERPC. My manager gave me 2 days off as compassionate leave though, which was really kind of him. I had the ERPC on a Friday, and I was back at work the following Wednesday. TBH I didn't want to stay at home and think about it, so it was better to be back at work and keep busy. I didn't regret going back this quickly as I felt well physically and emotionally. All my mc's leave a blur in my life - so I don't really remember how I was feeling back then.
Also, another reason why I felt I couldn't take a week off was because I had taken the previous week off due to my daughter having chicken pox...

My manager had offered more time off work, but I declined. I don't think you should feel guilty for taking more time off and if you feel that you need more time to recuperate, then take the time off.

Original poster

Rupsje · 20/03/2011 17:47

Thanks everybody for posting on this thread.

I am still struggling a bit with this question - I am back at work and it is hard, but at the same time sometimes I think the distraction helps.

One thing that this has highlighted for me is the lack of understanding around this issue. I almost wonder whether it would be good to have a leaflet for employers / colleagues that explains it is not just a physical thing, but a very upsetting, sad time as well. I saw something on the miscarriage association website but it did not quite meet my needs, as it was more focused on having an MC at work, and also included a bit too much about legal rights which in my case felt a bit wrong.

OP posts:

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