how can i cope with anymore losses ;(

[18angels]

i have four amazing sons but the mission to get them has been hard i have lost 18 babies including the one i am currently miscarrying i am heart broken emotionally shattered and just do not feel like a woman anymore i am so tired of hospital trips tests hope dispair following the breakdown of my marriage i am now in a new relationship me and my new partner want a baby so badley but since trying in november we have lost 2 pregnancys i just dont know how to cope with the heartbreak anymore i have lost at various stages from 4wks to 4 months and the conditions we know about are being treated what else can we do?

forgot to mention i have anti-phosphilipid syndrome have a fantastic hemo guy at kings but even the best doctors cant solve/cure everything the condition caused blod clots on lung 1st son stroke 2nd son 3rd son i lucked out and only broke my thumb and arm 4th son cracked pelvis 40 stitches 6wks prem and 10lb.1oz
any one know of any other miracle treatment bar clexane pls pls post xx

18angels I am so sorry for your loss. I too am with a new partner (I am very lucky to have 3 beautiful children but DP has none) and I am currently waiting to miscarry my 2nd non-viable pregnancy. I last miscarried on Christmas Day.
To lose 18 must be so, so difficult - I couldn't begin to comprehend how hard that has been for you. Just wanted to send you a big hug xx

I don't know what to say, for the first time honestly I don't know what to say. I can't imagine what you've been through and here am I wallowing because I've lost one.

I wish I had some advice or could wave a magic wand for you. Keep posting here, we may not have the answers but there are some amazing, supportive women here xx

thank you for the messages of support i am gutted right now and my partner is he lost his dad the week before we lost our 1st baby together and right now i dont feel strong enough to hold him up when i feel im drowning myself but i look at my kids and they represent what my body can do they represent hope they amaze me everyday and i know that no matter how many tears i shed or how much heart ache i have to endure i will wake up to a brighter day just hope it comes soon xxxx

18angels, i am so sorry to hear about what you have gone through. I cannot imagine the hell you have been through, i think it would have completely destroyed me. You are an incredibly strong person to have gone through what you have and to keep going through it. I have been through 5 (5th at the moment), no clear cause and have 2 girls. I think for my own sanity i cannot carry on having mc after mc and still be the same person that i was before all of this happened, i feel that i am changed already in that i am more withdrawn and dont want to be around people the way i once did, most of them wouldnt know about the mcs. I desperately want another child for my dds, always wanted 4 but dont think that will happen now. I think myself that i will allow myself 2 more mcs and then stop for the sake of my family as well as myself. It is very hard when you have that yearning for a child, particularly with your new partner with whom you dont have any children, you cant just switch it off, i wish i could. At what point do you think you will say to yourself that you cant go through this any more? Do you take asprin as well as the heparin? My heart goes out to you. Look after yourself. x

18Angels I am so sorry for your losses. You must have amazing strength to have carried on trying to complete your family, I cannot even imagine how hard it must be to suffer so many losses. I have had 2 miscarriages and am already asking myself how many more times can I put myself and my DH and DS through this.

You said you both want a baby so badly, so I guess that feeling isn't going to go away and the only way you'll have another baby is to keep trying. If either one of you feels as though you can't put yourselves through it again that is the time you need to make a decision together.

Once again I'm truly sorry to hear about your losses, you've been through so much and you are strong even though you don't feel it right now. Enjoy lots of hugs from your lovely boys.

tracymac & chocadoodle
yes i also take asprin i am currently undergoing even more tests but they think it might also be down to my diabetes.
i am no longer sure whether it is desperation , insanity or pure stuborness that makes us keep trying or whether its because i know i can carry full term as i have 4 miracles to prove my body knows what to do and the truth is i dont know how many more times i will allow myself to go through the whole rollacoaster i guess at some point me and my man will have to come to a decision as to whether we can really deal with anymore but i'm ready yet to thnk that i will never hold another baby that is mine i count my blessings in the four i have but cant help wanting more xxx

18angels, I can understand wher you are at. I have 3 wonderful children and 10 angels! I find it hard, I keep setting myself deadlines to stop but I still can't take the step to actually actively preventing pregnancy yet. I am fortunate in that following 9 consequetive miscarriages in less than 3 years I have suddenly had 4 months of not being pregnant. It feels great to be off the rollercoaster for a while. But I still can't help thinking that there may be just one more baby there for me. Like you I can't help wanting more. At times it makes me feel like I am selfish or greedy wanting another one, but I think fighting the urge takes more energy than just letting myself get back on the rollercoaster again.

I truely hope that you get your next miracle.

galwaygal
so sorry for the loss of your own angels i know what you mean totally i have set myself so many points at which i will stop but something keeps me going (proberly insanity these days lol) i think in some cases when u have children it actually makes it harder cause u know your body can do it but its almost puniing that it just wont but i guess time will tell what will happen but i know my child rearing days are shortened because of my own illnesses my hemo guy said i should stop before 33yrs that means 3 more yrs on this rollercoaster but i guess its better to regret keep trying then forever wondering if i should have stopped i pray that u get ur so desired baby soon sending hugs xxx