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Original poster

First af after mmc

16 replies

harassedinherpants · 17/02/2011 09:06

Two days ago I wanted my af to come so that I'd know where I was and stop being a bitch, but now it's here I'm devastated. I've cried and cried this morning, and now in work feeling and looking like crap.

Even to me, feeling like this doesn't make sense, did anyone else feel like this? I'm kind of gutted I'm not prg already, but then waiting for first af is good thing after erpc. Confused!!!

OP posts:
minmooch · 17/02/2011 10:29

Oh sweetie - I understand your devastation. As much as we want af to arrive so we can move forward it is a big slap in the face that your pregnancy is truly over.

Try and see it as a sign that your body is doing what it should be doing, that you haven't had to wait too long for her horrid appearance, and that you can now try again if you feel ready.

Be kind to yourself.

luckyfor2 · 17/02/2011 10:47

I know exactly how you feel after my first mc & D&C I desperately wanted my AF to come but was devestated when it did as it was a reminder of what had happenned and I felt so angry that it had happenned to me. I've had 3mc and each time I've felt the need to get pg straight away and when af comes its really hard. As minmoch says at least your body is back to normal now and you have a good chance of getting pg v.quikly.
take care.

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 17/02/2011 13:43

I am ready to try again, but have huge doubts that I'll even get prg again never mind go on to actually have a baby. Plus I'm 40 now.

I'm hoping this black mood is just my hormones being cruel Hmm.

Plus this flaming af is the crampiest one I've ever had, and I wasn't expecting that.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/02/2011 16:43

Oh you poor thing :( It isn't as good as being pg but in this situation it's the next best thing (God that sounds odd!) because at least you know where you are now rather than being in no man's land.

No sign of mine but I'm sure I'll be in a similar state xx

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 17/02/2011 16:46

I know what you mean lol. It's good but in a bad way, was still a shock though. No idea why!!

How are you getting on?

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/02/2011 16:54

I'm glad you got what I meant, it sounds awful reading back Blush

I'm ok thank, getting there. SIL had her baby on Tuesday so that was earmarked as a bad day. It got worse when I left the office (calmly I thought but apparently I bolted!) after listening to a colleague on the phone congratulating someone else. She put 2 and 2 together, worked out why I had been off and burst into tears because she'd upset me. So there were 3 of us sobbing, making tea and eating chocolate. So, everyone at work knows now.

How were things going before the dreaded AF? How's your DH doing?

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 17/02/2011 17:15

Dh is fine thanks, first day back at work today after his op. I've been really hormonal and his on mega doses of steroids so we've not been a good mix!!! Otherwise I've not been too bad. The only thing I find hard is that everyone seems to have forgotten what's happened already. Even dh forgot it 4 weeks ago on Tuesday that I had erpc.

Went out at the weekend with my friend who's due two days before I would have been. It was fine actually! We shopped and lunched while our dd's were at a party and I was even fine about looking at mat clothes and prams. Quite proud of myself lol!!

Oh Tuesday must have been tough Sad. Is it easier that they know?? All men here except for one, so no one has guessed at all.

Just hidden two people on Facebook because I'm sick of them moaning about their preg "woes". If only......

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/02/2011 17:39

Good for you shopping with your friend. I know what you mean about people forgetting, pretty much everyone here has. Except I went to pick DD up from MIL's on Monday and I was asking was SIL ready for her c sec etc. When I was going she hugged me and said she hadn't forgotten about me, even though all the excitement was about SIL, and that she was always thinking of me. I really appreciated her saying that.

(I've also hidden people on FB, I can't bear the whinging either...)

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 17/02/2011 20:00

Hiding the people on fb makes me feel selfish but I think we need to be a bit selfish to get through this.

That's so nice of your mil. It's the little things isn't it. I think that's how I cope with my friend being prg, because she always thinks of me and talks about it. She's the only one that does really!

OP posts:
milkyway2007 · 17/02/2011 21:06

The first AF is always hard after a mc - it is like the final closure to the mc for me. Its natural to feel sad.
Also its not selfish at all hiding people - I've hidden and deleted a few people myself :)

UpsyDaisyDo · 24/02/2011 16:39

Harassed I remember speaking to you on here when I went through my miscarriage - I think we had our ERPC's a day or so apart. I came on a few days ago and was/am absolutely devastated. I'm ashamed to say I took it out on ds as dp is working away. I feel so angry. I'm desperate to be pregnant again but because dp works away so much I can't see it happening any time soon. I thought I'd got over the crap feeling but this has brought it all back. It just such a fucking crap situation. Sad

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 25/02/2011 10:05

Hi Upsy, so sorry to hear you're feeling this way too. It's a totally shitty situation. But, on the plus side af has arrived. I've snapped at dd many times too, they'll get over it. Honest.

We're ttc again, but I'm feeling wobbly about it, plus I'm 40.... Trying to go with PMA, but it's incredibly hard.

There are a few of us in similar circumstances on a thread I started called "Dh thinks I'm depressed". Come and post with us. I find it helps to have somewhere to vent when everyone else has forgotten what has happened, or chooses to ignore it!

OP posts:
laylasmummy09 · 25/02/2011 12:29

harassedinherpants think i might have a look at that thread im feeling exactly the same, im sick of my oh asking why hes got the 8th march in his head and i hate telling him its the due date of our first lost baby and i am still waiting for af after 2nd i feel like he should remember that but i know hes not so obsessed attached as me, gwen what a lovely thing for your MIL to say,i wish my MIL would remember me when shes going on about my SIL pg im exited for her but its hard to sit and listen with a constant Smile isnt it, hope you are feeling more positive soon x

UpsyDaisyDo · 25/02/2011 16:40

Thanks harassed I'll pop into that thread too xxx

Cadmum · 27/02/2011 10:01

Early days for me following ERPC so not in the same state but I have been there.(4 mmc under my belt.) My thoughts are with you and you are welcome to borrow any PMA that I happen to have.

TTC will give you something to concentrate on but be patient and kind to yourself. You have been through a major upheaval.

Cadmum · 27/02/2011 10:05

I've hidden someone on FB as well... I feel guilty but everytime I look at the scan pictures, I am filled with rage and sadness. I never posted mine because I worried that things would end badly. I envy mums who sail straight through pregnancies complaining about symptoms. It is not rational but feelings are feelings and they can't be altered.

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