Six months on and my partner has walked out on me.

[Lollysunshine]

We lost our daughter at 17 weeks in August and it brought us closer together.
In the last couple of weeks things haven't been good between us and he left me on Monday saying he needs to clear his head.
He has since told me everthing has been traumatic for him and he's been so busy smiling and telling everyone he is ok that it's become too much for him.
He said he needs space and doesn't want to be with me because he's not sure he loves me.
I was wondering has anyone been through a similar experience after losing their baby.
Thanks.

ah Lolly that's crap. I've lost 2 babies one at 17 weeks one at 18 weeks last May and both times it's brought us much closer in the aftermath. Then over time the arguing starts. He bites my head off every time i mention the losses. We already have a 3 year old DD and TBH she's really the only reason we're still together. I think people grieve in such different ways and then men and women are even more different. ANd there's noone else to hit out at or to blame and I think you associate the person who was there when it happened with the loss too. Plus men ar expected to be ok.

I have to say there is nothing I'd like more to walk away from my grief and situation and if I were my DH I can imagine doing it.

We're both having counselling - has your partner had any? Can he get any through work or anythinhg? Or the GP? Might make him realise that he does actually love you just not the grief "you" ie your situation has brought him.

I will say that I'll be surprised if me and my Dh are still together 5 years from now and I blame the losses compounded by infertility destroying our sex life.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. My husband and I lost a baby at 14 weeks over a year ago, and it has put a massive strain on our relationship, I think the only thing that had kept us together at times is our little boy, otherwise I think by now one or other of us would have left. What you have been through, the loss of a baby, is one of the most difficult things imaginable. Have you had any kind of relationship or grief counselling?

Men do deal with things very differently, they bottle things up. My husband finds it very difficult to speak openly about how he is feeling.

I really hope you can work things out with your husband

Hi lollysunshine I'm so sorry for your loss and the relationship troubles. I had a loss last March at 14 weeks and complications which lasted for 8 months and left me infertile. I then had surgery and am still doing follow up treatment, the strain on my relationship has been horrendous and we are now in counselling.

It might seem like overkill but I am doing counselling with a therapist and we are also seeing another therapist for couples counselling. I think the therapy that I am getting for myself is what is helping the most, its really nice to have a space for me to work through my feelings about all these horrible events, and as I am starting to feel better its having a good effect on our relationship.

I definitely was looking to my husband to provide all the emotional support I needed to get through things, but I have come to realise trained professionals are actually much better at it! Is there any way you could get some therapy, would you be open to it?

take care, xx