No baby so unsure what to feel?

[cher31]

Just returned from the hospital after finding out we had lost a much wanted pregnancy. Its our second mmc and I'm really unsure/confused as it was a blighted ovum although I was 8 weeks since my LMP. Our first was at 10 weeks and we had seen the baby and the heartbeat. Feel as though I can't focus or say goodbye to the baby as there wasn't one but it would have been loved so much. Nothing really makes sense. Going for medical management. Any words of advice/support?

Sorry to hear of the horrible time you are going through at the moment.

I hope I am not insensitive in what I am about to say. I hate raising false hope, but in your situation, it might help with the loss??? I just wanted to say that in some women with a tilted uterus, the feotus is not able to be seen even at 8 weeks. So I wonder if this was the case in your situation, and that there might have been a baby but you could not see it. I am sure they are going on good scanning information to tell you that it is a blighted ovum but it is still a lost pregnancy, regardless. It is hard with some pregnancies to connect with the grief. After a first m/c it is somehow harder to connect with the grief as it is natural to emotionally hold back. I hope that others who have had blighted ovums come soon to give you advice on how they managed the grief of the lost hope of a baby, and the end of a pregnancy.

I hope that everyone around you is surrounding you with TLC at this difficult time.

Thank you galwaygal but we were being monitored and have seen the sac get bigger and then get smaller again. Last week they said they could see a fetal pole 3mm but the sonographer today claims it was probably a mistake!!! After the first MC I bought a loss card to keep in my purse and had scan photos etc but this time nothing and can console myself that its gone to heaven (although not religous?) as it never actually was. Unsure if that even makes sense :(

I am so sorry cher. I had a blighted ovum and only found out at the 12 week scan. I opted for the natural route in terms of my miscarriage, although I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice on the process itself, because I was the exception to the rule and had a really rough time. I'm hoping that things won't be quite so traumatic for you at 8 weeks, but will happily answer any questions you may have if you feel it would help.

What I can say is that the moment you got that positive test you were as pregnant as anyone else in your position. If you're anything like me you will have had symptoms and assumed everything was carrying on as it should. There is no reason not to, because you had as much information as anyone else has before a scan and, for whatever reason, your body continued to think it was still pregnant even though the pregnancy hasn't continued. You are therefore more than entitled to feel the grief for the promise of a baby that you have lost, as anyone else feels when they have a miscarriage. It is an awful time and truly unfair. If anything, I felt worse than if there had been a baby, because it made me feel as though I had somehow lied to people I loved.

I hope you have good support in RL and I hope the physical aspect is all over soon for you, so that you can allow yourself to grieve. I was actually okay during the miscarriage. It was the days, weeks and even months following it that it started to hit home. Big hugs to you and your partner. Please keep talking here on the black days. This site has been such a source of comfort to me and so many other people in the same boat and I'm sure it will prove the same for you.

So sorry to hear your news. I had a blighted ovum not discovered until my 12 week scan in December - it's a horrible thing to go through and it's so hard to explain to people.

I felt that I shouldn't be grieving because there was nothing to grieve for because there was no baby - that is total rubbish and please do not believe that, your pregnancy was as real as anyone else's, you had no reason to know anything was wrong and you had hopes and dreams and made plans for you and your baby. You need to grieve for this loss in whatever way works for you.

I opted for ERPC for the miscarriage so I can't help with the medical management side of things but I hope it is all over quickly for you and you're able to focus on looking after yourself emotionally and dealing with your loss.

People are amazing on here - it's amazing how many of us have been through the same thing, although it's also extremely sad. Hope you have great support in RL as well.

take good care xx

Thank you for all your advice and support. We have had a really difficult time and complications with the medical management, namely low blood pressure and intense pain. We eventually went home for the cramps to continue and then to pass the placenta at home in the early hours of the morning 2 days later. Hopefully should now be on the mend physically but now feel guilty for dismissing the pregnancy due to the absence of the baby. I now feel I need to mark the passing in some way, like I did with our first, to show the significance.
Thankfully my partner is a dream an always knows what to say and when.
Sorry for the long post.

Thanks once again and good luck and best wishes to all you lovely ladies.