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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Feeling devastated today - need to get it out

3 replies

youtalkingtome · 07/02/2011 10:03

Just need to vent I think. Not necessarily expecting any replies.

I've already got 2 DC, I know I'm so lucky. But we planned a 3rd and got pregnant very quickly last spring. However, it was an ectopic pregnancy and I had my left tube removed. All very scary and traumatic. I'd also had a mmc in the past.

Tried to leave plenty of time to recover without rushing into trying again but have been trying since about September.

Week before last got another bfp - couldn't believe my luck after squinting at bfns.

Spent a week being literally beside myself panicking about another ectopic. Went for a scan but was too early really. However a negative pregnancy test using a very dilute sample led them to diagnose a chemical pregnancy. Was gutted. They also told me I wouldn't bleed but cycle would re-start and I would ovulate again before next period. They advised waiting for that period before trying again. So 4-8 week wait probably - more gutted.

Got home and tested a couple of days later. Still bfp, but not strong. So have now had nearly a week of utter torture, trying not to let myself imagine they might have been wrong. I know they weren't, the tests would have been a lot darker by now. Still having pregnancy symptoms though, so have just struggled mentally to cope with the uncertainty.

Yesterday had talk with DH where it became obvious that neither of us was coping with the pressure of all this. Plus my gorgeous DS is waiting for assessment and will very likely be diagnosed with ASD, possibly quite severe. I know he needs me and I'm giving up work at the end of the month largely because of this.

It's crazy to try for another. I know it. We need to stop. I'm 38 in April, there won't be time in the future to try again. I'm just so, so, so sad today. I needed to write it down.

OP posts:
caz1323 · 07/02/2011 11:00

Hi, I am so sorry to hear your story. I am going through hell right now was diagnosed with a mmc just over a week ago and started losing the baby yesterday am bleeding very heavy and in a lot of pain still. This is now my 7th mc and it is tearing me apart. It feels like I am going through it all alone again. I am so angry at my partner because it seems like he just does not care he has not really been here for me and just carrying on like nothing is happening.
I really dont think it is crazy to try for another at all if it is really what you want then go for it asked to be referred to a doctor who can test you to try and find out why you keep miscarrying. I should have been referred ages ago and after I have got through this then I will be getting referred myself.
Wishing you all the luck in the world.xxx

youtalkingtome · 07/02/2011 11:08

Thanks for answering. I'm so sorry Caz, mmcs are horrible. You have had so many mcs, it just isn't fair. As if fairness had anything to do with fertility!

I'm sorry about your DP too. I know mine struggles to understand and he is always the one initiating the idea to slow down or stop. It makes me feel that if I coped better and didn't obsess so much, everything would be easier for us all. He appreciates though that he doesn't have quite the same hormones or biological clock though.

Do push to get referred - you should have been seen long ago by the sounds of it. Thinking of you too.

OP posts:
caz1323 · 07/02/2011 11:27

I will def be pushing to be seen now as I really cant carry on like this. Perhaps carrying on as normal is the way my dp copes but just wish he was there with me and a bit more understanding.

It seems to me that bad things happen to good people. I used to have a friend that was pregnant at 38 and it really upsets me because all she did the whole way through the pregnancy was drink 2 bottles of wine a night every night smoke heavily and she was also taking drugs every night too, she went on to having a healthy baby girl! I have done everything by the book and never seem to have any luck.

Anyway I wish you all the best.xxx

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