Two months on and I cant cope!!!

[LyraBelaqua]

It has been two months since I had a MMC at 8 wks. I thought I was coping but things have started to change. I have a 1 year old and when I found out I was expecting again I was happy but nervous as I find motherhood hard work at times.

I didnt really pay any attention my pregnancy as I was so consumed with looking after my DD and am so besotted by her. If anything I was worried the new baby would change things. Then I had some bleeding and eventually a MC.

My DH and I decided to try again as soon as I had a period and I was convinced I had managed to get pregnant again straight away, I was tired and moody etc. Then my period came and I'm devastated.

I cant stop thinking of my poor dead baby and how I will never know what it would have looked like and that it never got the love and attention it deserved until it died. I managed to save my foetus and planted it in the garden with a special tree and now I just cant stand to look at it. My mind keeps thinking awful things like What would I do if my DD dies? and What if I die and leave her? And these thoughts hurt so much. How can I ever have another baby if these thoughts come every time I find out I'm not pregnant? I feel I'm going mad, is this normal?

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I found out about my mmc 3 weeks ago, so not as far long as you. Have you thought about counselling? It's been mentioned to me a couple of times and its something Im looking into. One of the ladies on a thread I post on has just had her first session and thinks it will be useful.

I also have those terrible dark what if thoughts. My dd is 4 and I'm so conscious of what she's doing. My dh is having fairly major nasal surgery on Wednesday, not for the first time, but I'm terrified something is going to

Posted to soon, stupid phone!

Terrified something is going to happen!

Sorry not much help, but you're not alone x

I don't have much comfort to offer, or advice as it is less then two weeks since my MMC and things are still so very very raw.
I just wanted to say I understand a little how you feel about how your baby didn't get much thought until the MC.
Life is busy - especially when you have a little one life does not stop - and you should not feel guilty for that please. Of course your priority will have been your one yr old, I was the same with my 22mth old - she was my priority, and that combined with work, housework, family commitments meant that yes I was happy to be pregnant but no I didnt give the baby much consideration either realy - aside from popping a Pregnacare every day. Its different with your 1st pregnancy I guess as you have the time to wallow in the joy of it. I have felt as though I have been punished for that - but more so because I had a private nuchal scan.
When I have a dark thought, of which yes there are many, I try to turn it around as I must must must be positive for my DD. It is so hard though. I feel I am in a daze going through the motions ...I still dont think my loss has sunk in . Sorry, I just want you to know you are not alone in how you feel.x

Thank you so much it really is nice to know that I'm not alone in what I feel now and how I felt when I was pregnant. I think I will look in to counselling. I'm very sorry for your loss too x

Thank you that really is a lovely way of looking at things and helps give a rational perspective to things and it has really helped to hear your story. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is lovely and smooth and enjoy your lovely baby when it comes along x