why do some people think if you miscarry early its not even worth mentioning

[starshaker]

i miscarried when i ws 18 on the 24th dec all that was said to me was well at least you can drink now i was only 10wks pg but bubs still felt like part of me and no1 really acknowlaged it. however when dd was born my mum said to me "i still think of the baby you lost all that time ago alana should have a big bro/sis now. but dont worry bubs wil look after her" that really made me cry why couldnt she have said something like that ages ago

Maybe she thought it was best not to mention it at the time?
How did you react after your miscarraige when other people were about?

ditto... just saying that on another thread
i miscarried at 6/7 weeks... everyone just expected me to carry on as normal

same here m/c at 7wks
I remember my mums words when I told her it was "que sera sera", never really forgave her for that

I agree starshaker. I lost two - one at 13 wks and one at 10 wks and both times felt a real loss of a proper being.
Don't worry. You know you lost your child even if no-one else can understand it. (I'm sure lots of people on mn do)
My mum never lost one so she couldn't understand 'the fuss' when I did.

i felt then that i had no right to be really upset i didnt have a scan (it was due on 29th) hadnt heard the heartbeat but i knew it was there. the dad (ha) had told me to fu*k off and it wasnt his so i was on my own. i fet i had to get on with it as if i got upset i was told but you were only 10wks it wasnt even a baby. it was a baby to me it was my baby but no1 realised that.

sorry just getting emotional with all the threads at the mo

We lost a twin at 9wks. We accepted it was a poorly baby and cud of compromised its twin (now 29wks) but it was still v painful and people seem to forget easily and 'well you've got this one to think about - so look after yourself' type of comments

4.5 months later I still have my moments but everyone else does seem oblivious.

Door - My mam was chattering away about my baby nephew and sent me phone pics a few days after this had happened - I did tell her that I found this upsetting and she apologised - even other women who have children seem to forget how hormonal/emotional it all is to start with, let alone a MC aswell.

I also had massive surge of guilt re a termination I had 10 years ago (when I was 20 and in v different circumstances) so I as an emtional wreck thru my first trimester.

A women at work did once say to me 'look after yourself because no-one else can look after your baby for you and will love it like you can once its born' I think this is true of little ones lost also - in my experience.

Your absolutely right it was baby, we had started to think about the twins etc - I found these feelings difficult to reconcile with 10 years ago - though i will add while I felt guilt if I could turn back the clock i would not change my decision.

We are lucky we have a scan pic. Is there an item with a relevant date on you could treasure as a keepsake maybe?

My partner of 10 years ago also did the same to me STAR, at the time this made me v angry and for a v long time I used to have dreams about killing him and held a lot of resentment andbitterness towards him - this messes with your head aswell. It took me a long time to let go fo that bit aswell. You really have been thru it ((((hugs)))).

I was told by GP that losing one at 6 weeks "didn't count" as a m/c as the pregnancy hadn't been medically confirmed (had just been told to go away and book in at 8 weeks, no GP test, they just took my word for it).

But it apparently did count enough that having taken 18 months to get that +ve, another 2 years and 8 months to conceive again (i.e. over 4 years in all ttc #1) still didn't mean that we could get any referral as there was "clearly" no problem as I'd conceived once.