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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

3rd Miscarriage. Heavy heavy bleeding. Doesn't get any easier does it?

21 replies

emotional · 24/01/2011 09:52

I just wanted to write about my experience - I hope you don't mind. Firstly, my heart goes out to anyone who is going through a miscarriage....there are no words to describe how hard it is emotionally and physically. I had two miscarriages years ago (both fairly early - 6 and 8 weeks). Then I went on to have a gorgeous daughter who is now 4. I turned 40 this year and thought I would never be able to have a brother or sister for my daughter but low and behold, on New Years Day, I did a test as I was "late" and I found out I was pg. Last Tuesday I started to get a brown discharge. This continued all day Wed and Thurs. I got an appt at the EPAU and they did a scan on Thurs. Sonographer was awful - cold and as if she didnt care. She couldn't see anything except a "mass" and fibroids. HCG levels were 1700 so there was concern for an eptopic. Started bleeding that night and Went back on Sat for another blood test and waited all day for results. Bleeding got heavier with clots. 8pm that night the dr calls and says the levels are now 2200 - not enough for everything to be ok and serious concerns for eptopic. Back in yesterday for a scan. Different sonographer who was lovely. Scan showed a sac and a baby with no heartbeat - roughly 3.2mm. She said because of the amount of bleeding, it looked very likely that the sac would come away from the wall and miscarry naturally. I could not understand how the first sonographer saw nothing and then 4 days later, there was a sac there with a baby. I did ask the dr and he said 4 days can make a difference but also it depends on who does the scan as some sonographers are better than others.....! They could not advise me to have a D&C yet as they would not expect to see a hb until baby measures 6mm...although they are positive I am miscarrying, they cannot say for certain that the baby is not viable. I know in my heart that I am miscarrying. Its a nightmare. Still bleeding very heavily and still with clots. They have said I will probably pass it naturally but have got a scan booked for Thurs so they can check on things. The bleeding is horrible - never had anything like it - every 20 mins more or less - big clots. Sorry if tmi. Mentally I just want it all to be over as there just seems to be one thing after another. It is so hard to keep from my little girl. Out of the blue yesterday she said "I want to have a baby...can you have a baby in your tummy mummy?" And we have not said a word to her about the pregnancy. Kids are so astute! I just wanted to share my experience. Any advice from anyone much appreciated. Big hugs to anyone going through a mc.

OP posts:
annbenoli · 24/01/2011 09:56

I have three children and had my fourth mc in October. This has been by far the worst physically and emotionally. Doesn't get any easier and everytime you look into the eyes of your children .....Take care and be kind to yourself.

ClaireDeLoon · 24/01/2011 10:04

I'm very sorry emotional :( the waiting for confirmation is so hard. The heavy bleeding and clots does not sound hopeful tbh :( are you in pain?

Your first sonographer sounds awful, I remember with a scan with my second mc the sonographer shouted 'I can't give you false hope you know' when I asked a question about my hcg levels compared to lack of hb. I was on my own as hadn't expected GP to send me for a scan that day. I do think some kindness is a required 'skill' for such a job.

Bless your DD maybe she has picked up on what you're going through.

emotional · 24/01/2011 10:26

Thanks for your kind words - so sorry for you annbenoli - you take care too.

ClaireDeLoon - not much pain, just period type pains. I think the Sonographers should be trained in "kindness management"! Thanks.

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harassedinherpants · 24/01/2011 10:58

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I'm 40 and also have a 4yr old dd, and had an erpc last week after a mmc. I should have been 10+2, but the scan showed the baby was 7wks and no hb. I've been very lucky, my sonographer was fabulous, as was my mw and all the hospital staff.

We had to tell my dd I was prg as I was so sick with ms, also I have two much older ds's, so the tummy muscles aren't what they were, and was showing very early. She'd come up and poke my tummy and tell me there must be a baby in there as I'm so podgy. Very strange!!! She's taken it very well, very matter of fact, but she's very clingy at them moment too. My mw said to be very honest with her, tell her that the baby was very poorly and died. She seemed happy with that explanation. My only "problem" is that we had our dog put to sleep 2 years ago and our cat was run over and killed on NYE. So, in her honest 4yr old way, she keeps reeling off the list of dog, cat & my mummy's baby!!!

It's devastating, hope you're being well looked after. Rest up and be kind to yourself.

sweetchecks · 24/01/2011 12:14

Oh my word i am sooo sorry to read this. its heart breaking to read what your going through as i know what its like to mc, but waiting round for it to be confirmed must be horrible.

i have had 3 mc since my little has been born, very hard and emotional.

My 1st one i didnt even know i was pregnant, and my other two was with my current partner now, and it took me a very long time to get my head back together after my last one. Its as if the more it happen's the more it messes with my head each time.

I look at my little girl everyday and think, about what my other kids would of looked like.

My baby is only just turned 2 so i didnt have to tell her anything, as i never told her she was going to be a sister. I dont think i could tell her something went wrong to be honest.

I hope you are okay and take care of yourself. Dont work to hard and rest.

Glitterybits · 24/01/2011 15:54

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can't believe your first sonographer. How dare they make an already difficult situation even more traumatic? I realise there's a need to become hardened to all the emotion they must see, but surely the remotest hint of a decent bedside manner should be a requirement for this job?!

KIds are very astute and their comments can knock you sideways when you're at your most wobbly. I really hope the physical aspect of this is over as quickly as possible for you. Be kind to yourself and keep talking about it. In my own experience, it makes the hardship of loss just that little bit easier when you share it.

hairyfairylights · 24/01/2011 18:50

I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this.

emotional · 25/01/2011 10:58

thank you to all of you for your messages. You are right, Glitterybits, it does help talking about it - more so to people who have been through the same and understand. Thank you again. I am so sorry for you all going through mc's too. My heart goes out to you too and I hope you are taking your own advice and resting!

I am still bleeding as much as ever. Just want the scan on Thursday to be over and done with and show things one way or the other. Either all is happening as it should and miscarriage complete (not sure if that is being too hopeful) or if not, a D&C.

I have to say my gorgeous girl does help me to take my mind off things too.

It is also websites like this and being able to communicate with others who have had similar experiences and share thoughts and feelings that really help too. x

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crystalglasses · 25/01/2011 11:09

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had four miscarriages in quick succession after my dd and then decided enough was enough; I couldn't take it emotionally and I wasn't enjoying my dd's early years as I was in a constant state of early pregnancy sickness or post mc depression.

emotional · 26/01/2011 07:24

crystalglasses, that is awful - I am so sorry for you. Did they not do any tests after the third? Take care.

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crystalglasses · 26/01/2011 08:35

Thanks emotional but I'm OK about it all now and very happy with my life. It was some years ago and an emotional roller coaster at the time.
My hospital consultant did some investigations which proved inconclusive and I was labelled as having unexplaned miscarriages. After the 3rd miscarriage I was given extra hormone injections (can't remember what they were now)in early stages of 4th pregnancy but they didn't work. After 4th miscarriage finally I was referred to St Mary's recurrent miscarriage clinic in London to investigate whether there was a link between my white blood cell count and rejection of the foetus. I was given blood transfusion using my husband's donated white blood cells (sorry - not a very scientific explanation)and told to go away and get pregnant. By this time I'd had enough, we tried to conceive again (I had always managed to get pregnant at the drop of a hat) but nothing happened so eventually I gave up.

crystalglasses · 26/01/2011 08:37

Emotional - I really hope things go well for you on Thursday. Stay positive.

emotional · 27/01/2011 12:36

Just thought I would give you an update.....the saga continues. Scan today showed the sac etc all still there....but no hb or growth. However they will still not medically intervene for another week. So I have to wait. Pain got intense yesterday but bleeding slowing down...not sure which is worse. The waiting is horrible.

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panashe · 27/01/2011 13:05

Hi emotional

I,m just home from internal scan after starting bleeding yesterday. I thought i was 8+6 but they said measuring 5+3 and sac looks a funny shape. But they obliged by law to scan me next week in case I got my dates wrong ( am 99.9% sure of them) and in case they find heart beat.

Feel a bit numb, still bleeding and have horrendous backache.

My heart goes out to you x

emotional · 31/01/2011 07:33

Hi Panashe
So sorry to read what you are going through. Don't give up hope though - I have read some wonderful stories that although bleeding has taken place, the person still goes on to have a perfectly healthy baby.

The waiting is the worst. I do hope you have better news this week.

Take care of yourself.

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panashe · 02/02/2011 14:01

How are things for you emotional ?

I haven't stopped bleeding since last week, so guessing scan tomorrow will just be a formality. I am just hoping that I will recover quickly and get on with trying again.

Hope you ok

Gdug · 03/02/2011 09:47

Wishing you all the best today.

emotional · 16/02/2011 12:15

So sorry I have not replied - have been back at work and I suppose trying to block things out. Had another scan two weeks ago which again showed sac still there but still the drs would not intervene. I was at my wits end. Had another scan this morning which finally shows everything has gone. At last I can move forward.....I won't ever forget - but need to move on.

Panashe - how are you? I am so sorry I have not responded. Thinking of you. xx

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panashe · 17/02/2011 10:24

Hi emotional its good to hear from you but am very sorry you have had such a difficult time. When I went back for my scan I was told I had had complete miscarriage which meant I didn't need any procedure which I was pleased about. My bleeding stopped just over a week ago and we have just started trying again. At 41 don't have all the time in the world, and I now feel physically fine.

There is a thread on here for the over 40's who are tcc if you decide to , come and say hello


emotional · 21/02/2011 16:29

Hi Panashe

Can you point me in the right direction for that thread? I have done searches and seem to find loads!! Do you think you have had a proper period yet after your mc? I keep wondering when I will get mine. My mc bleeding only lasted a week and that was at the end of Jan. Hope you are ok. x

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panashe · 21/02/2011 17:14

Hi emotional, good timing haven't been on here for a couple of days. Can't do link Blush but it in Conception thread called 'feisty fabulous forties' I just posted on there so you should see it.

I haven't had period, started bleeding 26th January so this Wednesday it will be 4 weeks. Have a few pmt symptoms and although I know it will be good to be back in sync with my cycle I want to pregnant.


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