Feeling 'normal' feels wrong

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Briefly, mmc yesterday, ERPC on Monday, slight bleeding today but nothing really happening.

In the meantime I have a 3yo and a mother who had an operation yesterday. So I'm ringing my mother to see how she is, entertaining dd, singing songs etc, playing games with her, cleaning the kitchen blah blah.

But it feels so wrong because I think I should be...I don't know, grieving... I do have bad moments, most of the small hours were the worst, but mostly I've put it to the back of my mind to get on with the everyday life that needs living in the meantime. I'm dreading Monday, probably hence the not thinking about it, and I know it'll hit me then.

Does anyone know what I mean?

I'm going through a natural miscarriage at the moment , and have teenage step sons with us . Because we are having to hide it all from them , I feel detached and matter of fact about it all . I was also thinking , is this normal . Along the same lines I guess ? Wondering whether it will hit me suddenly , and feeling guilty that it might not .

Yes, that's what I mean. My brother popped round earlier with flowers, asked how I was. I said fine and started talking about something else entirely. It wasn't deliberate but yes, a lot of it is feeling like I have to hide it from dd, who is too young to be aware luckily, or my parents who are worried.

That's exactly how I felt too. I had my scan on Friday of last week and my erpc on Tuesday. I also have a 4yr old dd and spent most of my time trying to keep things normal for her.

Apart from on the Friday, I hardly cried at all. We went into town on the Saturday, bought dd some new shoes and were sat in the cafe having a drink. I said to dh, how strange it was that everything was just carrying on around me like normal, when I certainly didn't feel it.

Had the erpc on Tues, and it really, really hit me yesterday (Friday) I spent most of the day in floods of tears, I really struggled with dd and dh cancelled his training in the evening just to sit with me and talk. I think this coincided with my hormone levels dropping too which can't have helped!

I think you're doing what you have to cope, and just get through it. Be kind to yourself, and make sure you get some help.