getting harder not easier

[annbenoli]

I had a mc in October at 10 1/2 weeks. It was an unplanned but very much wanted pregnancy and would have been dc4. I have previously mc and it was my 7th pregnancy. It was horrible physically. The thing is as time goes on I am finding it harder rather than easier to cope. I have just found out that someone here at work is pregnant and I feel as if i've been hit with a sledgehammer. I would have been 22 weeks now. When will it get easier and any tips for coping?

Sorry to hear of your loss. My personal experience is that yes, it will get easier, but that it can sometimes feel like one step forward and two steps back. Mt advice would be to just go with the feelings and allow them, they are normal. I wished harm on evry pregnant woman I saw, for a while! The physical act of looking after your other children will drag you through it somehow, and hopefully if you decide to try again, that will go fine and then you can really move on. Be gentle with yourself.

thanks for your advice, so nice to feel that others have felt the same. We wont be trying again which is really hard to come to terms with. I got over my previous mc by getting pregnant.

Hi there.

I had a pregnancy loss recently (Nov 2010) at 23 weeks. I was fine (well, sad obviously), but not as down as I have been recently. I've found it more difficult to deal with the further it has been from the miscarriage date. Strange. I would have been 34 weeks by now. So far I haven't found it's been any easier but I'm expecting it to be slightly easier after my due date (4th March 2011). I'm not sure why that would be, I've spoken to other mums who have lost babies and they've still spoken about them as "he/she would be 15 now".

From what I can make out it does get slightly less painful as time goes on but you never forget them.

What I'm trying to say is that I understand what you're going through and I think it hits you harder when you're supposed to be further 'along'. A friend of mine is due in the later part of February so that's particularly tough, hearing her updates about how heavy she's feeling etc. and how she can't get any sleep because of how big she is. I wish I had those problems all over again (I have a DS 2.5), I remember what late stage pregnancy was like.

My best advice (from a fellow sufferer) is: don't try to hurry along any healing. As painful as it is, let yourself feel everything. It's the only way you're going to work through it. I'm sorry if that sounds cheesy

xxx

I there so sorry to hear of your loss. I have had 3 MMC's, the last being in Feb 10, I convceived again straight away and gave birth 6 weeks ago which I'm thrilled about. My own personal experience and birth of my second child has not replaced the feelings of those babies that I lost. I have now decided that I'm not going to try and get over the upset of my MMC's and that none of us who have ahd miscarriages should feel that we have to try and get over them. Since I've made this decision I feel much better. I wish you well. x