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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Friend's loss of baby

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JitterBug2 · 18/01/2011 13:21

A very close friend has had to have a late stage termination due to various problems with the baby. I'm absolutely devastated for her and her husband - can't imagine the pain that they're going through. I know she needs some space right now so haven't called but have sending texts every few days so she knows that I'm thinking of her.

As well as being generally worried about her, I'm also aware that I need to be particularly sensitive as I am pregnant myself - 32 weeks. If it was me in her situation, I'm not sure I'd want to see another pregnant woman.... I really want to be as supportive as possible but I'm conscious that she may not want to see or talk to me for a while. Any advice would be appreciated

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Shamechanger · 18/01/2011 13:53

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. Keep up with the texts - I had a late loss and my closest friends just kept on texting me until one day I didn't want them to go away and I texted back!

Have you sent a card too? She may not look at it now but lots of people including me like to keep them in a memory box and they give comfort later.

Put the date she gave birth in your phone / diary so that next year you can remember and send her a card.

Whether she will want to see you or not is difficult. I had a nurse on the ward who was 20 weeks pg just after I had lost the baby - I literally could not bear to look at her. But I did want to see my heavily pg friend - my friend's baby had nothing to do with my baby iyswim, whereas this nurse's baby was around the same 'age'.

I also hated people avoiding all mention of pregnancy or babies, and the pg woman friend of a friend who totally avoided me at a party made me feel like my loss was some sort of infectious disease. Could you ask her DH or Mum? Although they will have suffered a loss too, they may feel more able to advise you.

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