Advice - Stillborn at 24 weeks

[Charleney]

Hello everyone, we lost our baby at christmas, was told he had severe growth problems at the 20 weeks scan and that the outlook wasnt good.
His movements and kicking stopped on christmas day and boxing day i went over to the hospital and they couldnt find a heartbeat.

Now eventually we want to try and conceive again but i was wondering how long are you supposed to wait and i am worried about work as i wasnt there very long before i fell pregnant before. Has anyone has any similar experiences with the work situation and how were they about you falling pregnant again?

Hi Charleney

Sorry about your baby, what a sad thing to happen.

I've been told by a friend that your body takes 3 months to recover completely and that you should try again then. But she's not a doctor and neither am I so don't take my word for it. I'm glad you asked this question though as I lost my baby in November and want to try for another baby quite soon.

I'm hoping your employer would be sympathetic and supportive, but I'm self employed so I don't know.

Hi SweetLucy, thankyou for replying.
Also very sorry for your loss, its such a painful thing to go through.

Yeah i heard the same thing, or 3 period cycles, something like that.

If you dont mind me asking, did you deliver your baby?

Hi LunaticFringe, thankyou for replying.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you x

They didnt say i would have to have any tests done, but i did have a pint of blood taken out of me in the hospital after i delivered so that must be for some sort of testing.
But we decided to have a post mortem so i need to wait to see what results come back from that first.

Aw thats good, i'm hoping my employers will be the same but i have had my boss on the phone a few times trying to argue the fact that i cant take my maternity, but the midwifes told me as i delivered at 24 weeks that i would still be entitled to maternity leave. So at the minute i'm in limbo cause i still dont know if i'm on maternity or sick lol.

I havent registered the birth yet but the certificate i have is for a stillbirth. Have an appointment to register on 19th.
It was exactly 24+0, 3:38 am so just made it!

Yeah it was IUGR, he was 280g when he was born but should have been 500g. Also my utrine arteries were not pumping enough blood through to the placenta.
Right i will ask for that then, do you know what that entails?

It's the saddest and most painful thing ever to happen to me and reading all the threads on this forum, I can't believe how many woman have to go through this heartbreak.

Yes I delivered it, I didn't have time to think about it, the doctor decided to induce me straight away.
Did you have to deliver yours too?

So sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling...

This is what it says on the Directgov website

You can still take your Statutory Maternity Leave if your child is stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy or born alive at any point of the pregnancy.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/moneyandworkentitlements/parentalleaveandpay/dg_10039631

I think it's extremely insensitive of your boss to argue with you at this point, but it seems the law is on your side. Some people (such as your boss) are ignorant of facts and devoid of feelings, arguing is the last thing you should be doing.

Are you perhaps a member of a union? They could contact your boss themselves.

Take care of yourself dear, courage xxx

I know Lucy, i felt quite alone in what i was feeling until i came on here and seen how many different stories there are. Its just so sad and heartbreaking that this kind of thing happens way too often. Its not fair.

Yes i delivered too, i had 2 tablet on the monday then on the wednesday i had to go back for a pessary? (sp) and then 2 more tablets every 4 hours. I think i was in labour for 15 hours. Bloody awful :(

I did hold my baby boy though and spent a bit of time with him first. I was more scared of what he would look like but i can definately say he looked perfect, just tiny!

Thankyou metalelephant.

Thats what i seen aswell, tried to tell him that but he said that our HR department has said that i am not entitled to any maternity. But in the end said he would ring me back friday but still no phone call?

No im not a member of a union unfortunately.. to be honest its a tiny company i work for and they seem to make up the rules as they go along.
Thing is im only actually entitled to statutory maternity pay so it wouldnt even be coming out of their pockets!

Thankyou thats great advice i will definately ask about that.
The consultant did put me on asprin when i went for the 20 week scan but said it might not help anything, which it didnt. At the scan i had at 22 weeks things had got worse.
But she said i would definately have to start taking asprin straight away when i conceive again.

Charleney, I am so sorry for your time with your boy being cut so very short.

You are definitely entitled to Mat leave, and can take the whole year if you wish. Just like any other new mother. Don't let them tell you otherwise xx

Thanks Lougle x

I think they are going to get very awkward with me so i am prepared to fight now :) i'm sick of being a pushover.

Im so sorry to hear you news, I replied to your post after the 20 week scan as your story was so similar to mine, at my 20 week scan our baby was measuring 3 weeks behind. He was stillborn at 34+3 at 750g.

Take it one day at a time and dont worry about work at the moment

Have you thought about joining the sands forum?

Hi FudgeCat, i remember your story, thanks for replying.

I havent been on actually but my mum keeps saying to go on and have a look.
Actually, i will do that now.. :)

ok I will keep an eye out for you there x

Thankyou x

Hi there. We lost our baby at 20 weeks at the beginning of November and are still waiting for the post mortem results - we were told these take 12 weeks and now have an appointment on Feb 15, so will wait until after that before trying to conceive. My cycle seems to be taking a while to right itself - although was always on the longer side. We're 9 weeks in and I think I'm only just getting frist proper period now. All in all, looks like it will be at least 3 months before we're in the position to try again. There was a news story last summer suggesting it might be best to try and conceive again within 6 months of a loss.

I'm sorry for the loss of your son

Your employers aren't behaving well.Have you asked them why they feel you aren't entitled to maternity?

Hi Charleney

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my DS at 21 weeks in August 07, I had my second, living child in August 08 (364 days later, terrible timing in all honesty!) I think I had 2 periods and just waited for my 6 week check up with my consultant to check it was safe to ttc again.

Hi Charlenay

I am so sorry to hear about your baby boy. My son was stillborn in June, we waited for the PM results before TTC. I fell pregnant on second month of ttc but unfortunatley miscarried at ten weeks. We have been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic for testing (my first pregnancy resulted in mc at 7 weeks) but tbh I have already been tested for some of the things already and have decided to just see what happens. We are going to go to the appointment but not putting off ttc iywsim. Again, I'm a bit older than you (almost 32) I know its not that old and although I conceive easy enough if there are problems I want to be young enough that there is time to do something about it (whilst my fertility still up to scratch I suppose!)

You are entitled to maternity leave as your son was stillborn as opposed to a late miscarriage. I'm a teacher and went back to work at the start of september so I had about the maximum time off on full pay ( I was off for about 12 weeks but half of that was the summer hols).

I'm not too far from you (Leicestershire) so PM if you like.

Sending you lots of love x

Hi Charlenay, I was heartbroken to hear your news, as I am when i hear of anyone's loss. Big hugs . I lost my little boy (Mitchell) at 24 weeks some 13 years ago, that was due to an insufficient placenta which stopped him from growing. He just stopped moving and therefore I had to deliver him as you would a normal baby but sadly go home with empty arms. I lost him in January 1998.

However, by February 1998 I was pregnant with my DS1 and i had a healthy and happy-ish pregnancy, although i was forever fretting and always up the hospital getting scanned for fear of the same thing happening again but the hospital were so accommodating and happy to check me out. 2 years later i had DD who, again, was a normal pregnancy but I was still fearful and fretting as with DS1 and the hospital were again happy to check me out.

With DS2, that was a whole different ball game, I always felt there was something not quite right from conception, possibly a legacy from losing Mitchell but when we had our 20 weeks scan they identified insufficient placenta again and immediately ordered i had weekly scans, when i got to 24 weeks they admitted me, i was having Dopler scans twice a day and i was on complete bed rest. On one particular scan it was decided they need to get the baby out or it would not survive, so sent me to another hospital to have baby delivered (no SCBU cots at local hospital so had to go 70 miles away but that's another story). DS2 was delivered 12 weeks early, weighing 1lb 7oz - it was a long, hard, emotional fight but he is 6 years old now and not a thing wrong with him other than global development delay.

I guess my point is throughout all this rambling is that there is hope. I threw caution to the wind and fell pregnant straight away after losing baby and had DS1 with no problem. But on the flip side of it, without what happened losing the Mitchell the doctors would never have identified what was going on with DS2's pregnancy and i would have lost him too.

I hope this helps or gives you at least a little comfort. Sending you my best wishes xxx

Thankyou everyone for replying to me, its really helpful being able to share my feelings etc. And again i am so sorry for all of your losses.. XX

At the minute, even though we want to have another baby i'm scared that i will just be replacing my Ryan. Did anyone else feel like that after?

I still havent heard back from my boss but my friend at work told me that they werent going to give me maternity because what they've read online says he had to be born after 25 weeks, which is total crap.
But now apparently they are going to give me my maternity.. we'll see when he rings me i suppose. I have spoken to ACAS and they have said i am definately entitled.