feeling so down

6 replies

maddie04 · 05/01/2011 01:20

Hi dont really know if i should be posting here as my miscarriage was years ago but im feeling so down.
I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks after having a amniocentesis, they think i must have got an infection or something which is why i lost the baby. It was a baby girl but i never held her or looked at her, i just basically came home from hospital and carried on my normal life. Even though i thought about her i never spoke about her or anything that happened, to anyone.
The reason i am posting is i have not long had a baby girl and i just cant seem to bond with her or even look at her without thinking about the baby i lost. I have terrible feelings of guilt for having the amnio and carrying on life as normal and it has came back to haunt me.
I have been diagnosed with pnd but havent spoke to anyone about the way i feel so so sad.
There was also other stuff going on but my post would be way too long.

OP posts:

Alibobster · 05/01/2011 08:56

Maddie I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl.

It doesn't matter if it happened years ago, it's something that you'll never forget. To have a miscarriage at 20 weeks must have been so shocking and traumatic, you did what you had to do to deal with it at the time. Please don't feel bad for coming home and trying to get back to 'normal', this was your coping mechanism. It's so sad that no-one spoke to you about what happened as, although this would have no way made the situation better, it might have helped you to grieve.

I think you really need to speak to someone now about this so you can enjoy your new baby girl. I'm sure someone will post with info of who you can get in touch with. Please don't feel guilty - the fact that you have posted on here to tell us how you're feeling shows what a lovely, caring mum you are. Take care x

iggi999 · 05/01/2011 11:35

I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. Having a baby is often a trigger for unresolved issues to resurface, like grief. I really can't recommend enough that you seek counselling, so you can move onward and enjoy your life. SANDS might be able to help, or your GP or HV could find a counsellor on the PND side. Things will get better, but burying it isn't (IMO) going to help.

iggi999 · 05/01/2011 11:35

Original poster

maddie04 · 06/01/2011 01:54

Hi Alibobster and iggi999 thank u for reading my thread. Im feeling so bad because i pushed everything i felt to the back of my mind and now since having my dd im remembering lots of things about the birth and i am feeling very angry about the way my family also dealt with things, just so much thinking i do so maybe it would be a good idea to go and talk to someone but i just know that i wont.
Now i am feeling guilty because here i am with a beutiful daughter but feel as though im not wanting her and just want to give my love to my first baby girl, its so hard........

OP posts:

MrsFeathersword · 06/01/2011 10:36

Maddie you sound like you are ready for things to change, that you don't want this to be the way things are forever. You could wait another year, let things get much worse, and then finally seek some help - but I'd bet you'll regret all the time you will have lost with your little one.
Take the first step, please.

sweetlucy · 10/01/2011 12:58

Maddie,
Losing a baby is a very traumatic experience, and it's normal to still feel sad but now you have your little girl you need to concentrate on her.
Anger and guilt are normal emotions resurfacing because you didn't take the time to deal with your loss at the time, talk to people, get help. Please don't waste the precious time you have with your baby that will only lead to more guilt and sadness.

Flip