MMC at 11 weeks - long post, sorry

[Zanzicat]

I started bleeding on Thursday and went to A&E but due to the bank holiday I can't be seen until tomorrow. I couldn't wait that long for an answer so went for a private scan on Friday. I was told the baby died at 8 weeks. This was my first pregnancy. I have to go to the hospital still tomorrow.

Since then the pain has got worse but save for a couple of short bursts where there was heavy bleeding, it has been much lighter than a normal period and even stopped for 10-12 hours at a time. I think this means I'll probably have to have some kind of medical/surgical intervention. Honestly, I hope they do this because the thought of the baby still being inside me is very distressing, as is seeing any small clots that have come out.

I feel sick and so weak at times I can barely stand. I feel so vulnerable and like I've let everyone down. I'm scared of being on my own. My DH has been fantastic but is obviously distressed and grieving himself. Also, the thought of leaving my house terrifies me. I've told work I won't be in this week but even the thought of going back is awful. I have a very emotionally demanding job so I guess that doesn't help.

Is this normal? When will it get better? Thanks if you've read this far.

Zanzi so sorry to read your post.

I have had 3MMCs so know a little of what you are feeling and going through.

When you go in tomorrow, if you feel you want an ERPC for the reasons you state be firm and assertive about your wishes.

FWIW I felt the same way (about feeling the baby was still inside) hence I had an ERPC first time round, and was lucky to get an immediate slot. 2nd time there was a nearly two week delay and in that time I started to bleed and went on to MC naturally. Although it was disconcerting and mildly scary at the time, on reflection it was fine (just stayed in the bathroom for several hours for the worst of it, and took some full strength painkillers and it was totally bearable).

What you are feeling in terms of work is normal - you are in the very early stages of the MC grief. BUT you have not let anyone down, sadly MC is so common but you only really find that out when you have one :(

Everyone's experience of and reaction to MC is of course different, and their physical and emotional symptoms vary greatly.

If your blood loss is extreme and you feel as weak as you describe maybe you should go to A&E? Are you keeping your fluid intake up? Have you eaten? What scares you about leaving the house?

It might help to break down what needs to happen? You need to rest and take it easy today, and get some big pads and painkillers ready if needs be. You need to go to hospital tomorrow for your appt. That's it for now. Try not to worry about anything else.

Not sure if any of this helps - but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Let us know how you are doing.

Zanzicat, I'm so sorry - what you're going through is horrible.

I had a MMC at 12 weeks, a couple of months ago (the pregnancy had stopped progressing around 6 weeks). My bleeding started the day of my 12 week scan, so I actually got scanned within about two hours of the bleeding starting (lucky, I suppose). They offered me the option of miscarrying naturally or having the ERPC and I decided to go with the former - not sure quite why at that point, I think I was in shock and believed I was coping ok with the news. That night I started bleeding extremely heavily and fainted in the middle of the night, which led to ambulance, A&E and an ERPC later the following day. The decision about the operation was made for me, given the circumstances, but I realised afterwards how glad I was not to have had up to two weeks of bleeding. You really don't to have something like that dragged out as a constant reminder.

It sounds from what you've written that getting things over with by having an ERPC would be the best thing for you too. You are entitled to have one, regardless of the medical necessity or otherwise. I wonder, also, whether your fears about going out/back to work could be connected to the fact that at the moment you have no idea how long and in what way the physical effects of the MC are going to play out. At least the ERPC means there's closure on one aspect of what you're going through, even if there's a whole lot more emotional stuff to deal with. The other thing for me was that it got the hormones out quicker - I'd been feeling pretty rough for six or so weeks - that it was a relief, in a funny sort of way, to at least feel well again physically (small compensation, I know).

Anyway, I don't know if any of that's at all helpful. And hopefully the NHS will pull its finger out now the holidays are (almost) over and look after you in the way you need. Let us know how you're getting on.

xxx

Hi, i had a MMC at 13 weeks, the baby had died the day before. I had the ERCP, it was very quick, painless and recovery was really quick, i had to op at 7pm and walked out of the hospital at 10pm. As for work, don't even think about it, if you feel you can't face it go to your gp and get a note, i was signed off for 3 weeks and couldn't have gone back before then. Take care xx

Thank you all so much for your messages, they really mean a lot and I'm sorry for all of your losses. As it happens since posting earlier I have been in a lot of pain, bleeding very heavily and passed large clots (sorry tmi) so perhaps I won't need an erpc after all.

I think zucchini is right, the fact I don't/didn't really know what was going on is making me feel very vulnerable and that's why the thought of leaving my house is so scary. That and the fact I'm also feeling physically weak. NewImproved, I have been eating and drinking. I have ME so I'm weaker physically anyway and it get's worse in times of emotional or physical distress.

Thank you all again xx

Zanzicat - just read your post. If you're bleeding very heavily and passing large clots you MUST go to A&E as soon as possible. That is what I was told when I decided to take what they call the 'conservative approach' (miscarrying naturally). The reason is that you are losing your own blood, not just the clots from the pregnancy sac, etc. and it's dangerous. If you are bleeding as heavily as you say and in that much pain, the chances are you will need an ERPC to manage it. Apparently, 50% of MCs need this extra help (either the woman is bleeding too heavily or not enough).

At the very least, please call your GP out of hours service for some advice.

Big hug xx

Many thanks Zucchini. I did wonder about that but the bleeding has eased off again and we have spoken to one of my DH's best friends who is a doctor. The pain is manageable now but I am on a combination of strong painkillers - as recommended by doctor friend - not self medicating. Hopefully bleeding won't become heavy again as I don't fancy sitiing in a&e on a bank holiday weekend but if it does start again I'll bite the bullet and go.

That sounds good - glad you've got access to professional advice!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you're over the worst of it now.

Hi, just to let you know, I went to hospital today. They confirmed that the pregnancy stopped developing at 8 weeks but that everything is still inside me so I have chosen to have erpc. Not sure what day it will be yet. Am in emergency list and have to phone each morning to see if they can do it unless of course it happens naturally in the meantime. Thanks again for support x

Best of luck and hope you start feeling better soon x

from me too - i had exactly the same timings as you and had my ERPC on 16 December. It was the right thing for me and helped me move on. sending you hugs and i am so sorry for your loss x

Thank you. The doctor called me back last night and told me to go in today, which I did and the erpc was done about 11. I've been home about an hour. Feel relieved to have had the op as I was in very severe pain by the time went to the hospital. They gave me a cocktail of drugs including morphine. Very poignant in some ways to have the op today as I would have been 12 weeks today. Now feel like i can try to deal with the emotional side. Sorry am rambling and not making much sense.

Thank you all again for your very kind messages and i am truly sorry for your losses x

Glad to hear things are nearing a conclusion for you and that you are OK - i hope things get better soon and you get a chance to deal with the emotional sides of things now.

I'm feeling very nervous about going for my scan tomorrow to see if my miscarriage has cleared properly. I found out just before Christmas that my baby had died at about 8 weeks, though i was due to be around the 11-12 weeks stage. I went into hospital for a 'Medically Treated Miscarraige' a week after being told and it was the most painful thing i have ever experienced. (I'm not sure the hospital staff realised just how MUCH pain i was in!) 14 hours or intense pain and exhaustion, despite the painkillers. The process was unsuccessful and i didn't fully miscarry. I am still bleeding every day (varying amounts each day) and in pain and i'm due for a scan and possibly the surgery tomorrow.

I'm very nervous as i have never been to hospital before, except for last week, and have no idea what to expect. My husband has been fantastic through all this, but i'm not sure that other people understand how i'm feeling.

I have been off work for 3 weeks now, including the Christmas break.

It's awful to hear that this happens so often, but good to hear that others have been as mixed up as me and my husband, but have come through it OK.

Hi Hanlinson, I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you've been through. Good luck with your scan today. If you do have to have an ERPC there isn't anything to worry about. It is over with very quickly, I was back on the ward less than an hour after I was taken into theatre and was in much less pain than before. They did insert a tablet into my vagina about an hour before the surgery to soften the cervix. I was told it was because my womb was very swollen, I'm not sure whether they do this with everyone. Sorry if this is all a bit TMI but I thought it might help for you to know what to expect.

Since I started bleeding I have only spoken to my husband, parents and sister, I couldn't face speaking to anyone else about it (other than medical staff etc) so i text my close friends who knew I pregnant was to let them know what happened, especially as it was over new years so was getting lots of messages from
people, some of which i've just ignored to be honest. My DH has been fantastic as has my mum and sister, who have both had a still birth and miscarriage respectively. If you feel you need to speak to someone who understands you could call the the Miscarriage Association. I haven't called them but have read god things about them.

Good luck today and hopefully the physical pain will be over soon xx

Sorry I meant good things not god things!