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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

What will the miscarriage be like?

66 replies

BibiTwo · 29/09/2005 18:44

I've had some very sad news. I had some bleeding last night and at the hospital today they told me my 16wk baby had died at 12 weeks. I have had some medication to get the "birth" started and am to go in again on Saturday for the rest. I am terrified (just one of the many, many emotions I am going through) not knowing what to expect.
When I asked the Dr what it would be like she said "worse than period pains", when I asked a midwife she said the pain would be "like labour".
In my experience there's a big gap between the two so I'm looking for some advice and hopefully reassurance about what's going to happen to me.

Thanks

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 30/09/2005 12:17

Message withdrawn

spidermama · 30/09/2005 12:32

I'm so sorry Bibitwo.

I had this with my first pregnancy at almost exactly the same timings as you and lost my first 'baby'. It was rather tough and more so than it needed to be. I'll tell you my story ... perhaps you can avoid my pitfalls ... though of course everyone will have a different experience ... This might be blunt so feel free not to read it ....

I wish I had been more prepared for what happened to me as it was very tough. The hospital told me 'like bad period pains' so I waited then 'labour' kicked in while I was on the tube and I didn't know what had hit me. It was so much stronger than anything period pain so I thought I must have an undiagnosed ectopic or something.

I was taken by ambulance to A&E but wish I had been prepared so I could've stayed at home. They pratically forced me to have pethidine which did nothing for the pain but made me feel sick and unable to re-coup between contractions. Also they didn't want me to drink water or to move around. (I was very thirsty).

I will never forget the rough and careless examination of me carried out by a gynea woman. She actually shouted at me for making too much noise and failing to keep still. I felt weepy thinking about her for years after.

The physical experience was very painful (physically and emotionally) but I believe it really helped me to let go. Though I was down for sometime, I really believe that the actual physical letting go of my baby helped the emotional healing in the long run.

MIne was an awful experience but it paved the way for the three home births ... followed by another miscarriage (this time at home and far easier and less traumatic than the first) ... and then another home birth.

I'm so sorry that you're going to go through this and losing your baby. It's very hard and I found very few people could fully understand what you're going through. I wish I'd known about MN.

In the end my MIL was very good and we went to the river and threw in some pumpkin seeds and said some words and she read a poem and there were tears and we said 'goodby' to the one we had never met. It really helped.

With my second miscarriage (at home) I actually found the sac, put it in a jar, and buried it in the garden and said a proper 'Goodbye'. That was very helpful and I love that I know the exact spot where it went and I see plants growing there.

CAT me if you want. All the very best of luck.

xxxxxxxxx

spidermama · 30/09/2005 12:34

I think in the end, though it's tough, you'll be better off having turned down the surgical route. I felt I let go of my baby. It wasn't taken from me. I did it. It makes sense of things I believe.

Oooooh. Lots of love to you.

sweetheart · 30/09/2005 13:01

Bibi,

I agree with Spider. I'm glad I didn't go down the surgical route as I feel like I've got a link with my little boy after giving birth to him. Like I said before the hospital also gave us the choice of seeing our baby after the birth which made me feel very peaceful and the hospital also took a photo for us to keep.

We were told this is common preceedure and if you are not ready to see or keep the photo it will be kept in your file and you can choose to see it or not at a later date.

sweetheart · 30/09/2005 13:02

I think the pain relief I had was Codydramol or something like that - like strong paracetamol. I was also given the chocie of having morphine. Just make sure the hospital staff are very aware that you want to feel no pain - it's just not neccessary.

Thinking of you....

jacobsmummy · 30/09/2005 13:03

Will be thinking of you this weekend, please take care of yourself. I'm so sorry....

sweetheart · 30/09/2005 13:03

jacobsmummy - do you also have a callum?

beatie · 30/09/2005 13:22

Bibi - I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. Take care of yourself.

littleshebear · 30/09/2005 22:05

I lost twins at 17 weeks - one naturally and the other had to be induced as the first placenta wouldn't detach. I found the second very painful as I had been given a drip - but they gave morphine to help. The nurses were lovely and kind and helped me a lot. You are right,I think, to try to deliver the baby naturally - it was very hard but you get to say goodbye and to see them and it helps with the process of grieving. We had a funeral and that also helped although horrible at the time.
I just send you all my love for tomorrow and I will be thinking of you.

BibiTwo · 01/10/2005 18:32

It happened last night. My baby came at 8:05 after a few hours of bad contractions. I had codydramol, tramadol and gas and air to help with the pain. The hospital staff were lovely and dh was with me which was more help than the pain relief. I am glad I didn't go down the surgical route because this way I felt I was doing the right thing by my baby.
I saw him this morning and he is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, ears and a rounded tummy. He looked so peaceful I was comforted by that. The hospital took a picture which we hope to have in a few days time. I almost didn't see him as I was frightened although I don't know what of. I know now that I would have regretted it, had I not known what he looked like.
Thank you all for your very kind words, me and dh have taken great comfort from them, knowing we are not the only ones to go through and hopefully get through something like this.

OP posts:
Whizzz · 01/10/2005 18:34

I am so sorry BibiTwo. There are lots of wise words & support on here. Thinking of you and your family

ggglimpopo · 01/10/2005 18:44

Message withdrawn

Nbg · 01/10/2005 18:47

So so sorry

Sympathies to you and your dh.

sweetheart · 01/10/2005 19:22

Bibi,

I'm glad you had an OK experience and that you got to see your baby. I know what you mean about being frightened, I felt the same but it was something I had to do. I would have regreted it forever if I hadn't seen my baby I think.

Hopefully now you and your dh can start to find some peace.

Have the hospital said if you will have a funeral or if they can perform a post mortum?

Thinking of you both at this sad time

tegan · 01/10/2005 19:53

I really don't know what to say as I'm reading this through tears as it brought back memories of a couple of weeks ago my friend had exactly the same. She was 25 weeks and her ds had been dead 6 weeks, she did labout and we had a ceremon and burial last wednesday, it was beautiful

lynny70 · 01/10/2005 19:55

Message deleted

motherinferior · 01/10/2005 20:11

Sweetheart
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

staceym11 · 01/10/2005 20:14

just to say im so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you dh, dd and your lovely baby boy. take care

spidermama · 01/10/2005 20:40

BibiTwo all the best to you and yours.
Well done for having the courage to let go of your boy.
Look after yourselves. x

KristinaM · 01/10/2005 20:48

I'm so sorry for your loss

Carameli · 02/10/2005 10:24

so sorry to hear about your loss
Its horrible to have to go through stuff like this. I had a m/c last weekend so know about the emotions but mine was very early 6 1/2 wks.

wishingchair · 03/10/2005 16:31

Bibi - just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I went through something similar back in Feb - I was 19weeks but my baby was around 16 weeks. At first I was devastated at the thought of going through labour, but my midwife assured me it wouldn't be the same as my dd's labour - which it wasn't - and I now take comfort in having gone through that experience. It takes a long time to heal and you never forget, but you learn to live with your loss. Am thinking of you both x

Bibiboo · 04/10/2005 12:43

I am so thankful for all the replies on this thread, I can't tell you. Knowing others have gone through this and worse makes us feel stronger and more able to cope every day.
I'm just sorry threads like this have to exist and that bad things happen.

marthamoo · 04/10/2005 13:10

Bibi - I'm so sorry you lost your little boy, but I'm glad you saw him and you sound like you have gained some peace from that. Give yourself lots of time and keep talking, if it helps.

BlackCat82 · 04/10/2005 13:12

I am so sorry to read this, you sound like you're being very strong.

xx