am I a freak? "Anembroynic pregnancy" at 12 wks

[wellieboots]

My story is that at my 12 week scan (last Wed)we discovered that I had what's now called an anembroynic pregnancy (blighted ovum). Took a couple of days to decide what to do, didn't want to wait for natural as hadn't had any bleeding at all, any sign anything was wrong, so goodness only knows how long it could have taken. Ended up having ERPC on Monday, and will be heading back to work on Monday a week later.

I am feeling really frustrated - my Mum said today that I should be taking something to help me with "anxiety attacks". I haven't had anxiety attacks, I am just trying to chat thorugh how I feel and what has happened, to try and deal with it like an adult, I do not want to take anything to "mask" what is happening, I just want to let it happen, and grieve for my lost dreams of my baby who I never really managed to get off the ground. Of course what's now happened is that she got me so wound up going on about tablets that I ended up saying - I am not having anxiety attacks!, pretty loud so that now she probably thinks I'm a total idiot and proved her point!

Sorry for the rant - I think you ladies are amazing and I'm sorry that we all find ourselves here.

thanks x

You are not a freak!!!!

So very sorry to hear this has happened to you.

You are going through a very difficult time, and it's very insensitive of anyone to suggest 'anxiety attacks' or taking something for 'it'.

It's natural to feel anxiety and terrible grief.

When I had my missed carriage I felt like throwing myself on the floor and wailing and screaming and pummelling the ground for my lost child. I also felt like mugging someone for their baby.

However, as my mum put it, that's only nuts if you actually do it!

Give yourself as much time as you need, and grieve in the way you need to grieve.

Hi Wellieboots. I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks, discovered at my scan a couple of weeks ago and followed by ERPC like you. I have just had my mother here for a few days and feel worse than before, some mothers just have that trick of making you feel shit. Ignore her. I have had PND and have had some mental health issues in the past and was scared that when I went to the GP they would try and give me ADs. GP didn't even though I was sobbing as I tried to convince her I was fine. Like you I just feel that this is a very natural reaction to a really horrific and brutal thing that has happened to you. Take care and hope you find lots of support here and from your partner like I have.

No you are not a freak!
At this horrible time, do whatever you feel like doing...and not what others think you should be doing. Shout, scream, eat the fridge, stay quiet and mull it over...whatever helps YOU.

Take care x

Thanks so much everyone - maybe she just doesn't know what to say, wants to do something to help and doesn't know what. But it's good to know I'm not going insane! take care all of you and may we all get through this crazy time the best way we can figure out xxxxx

wellieboots - so sorry to hear of your MC and the difficult time you've been having.

Everyone deals with their loss differently as jasmine51 says here and you are absolutely not a freak.

I had 2nd MC with ERPC 5 weeks ago and really struggled to think about anything else for the first couple of weeks and really odd things caught me out. I actually went to see a clinical psychologist (sounds a bit scary, but she's more like a very highly qualified cousellor) which helped enormously - it was great just to be listened to for a whole hour with no opinions / advice / interruptions (however well intentioned they may be). Felt knackered after the first session and had to go for a sleep for half an hour but have felt better every day since and had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday when an acquaintance told me of her pg and after initial sadness and envy, I was genuinely pleased for her. I am seeing the psychologist again tomorrow and almost feel as if I don't need to.

Anyway, that's my experience and it may help to talk to someone professional and completely impartial, it may not. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time to weep / shout / drink / eat.

Thinking of you x