dp crap after miscarriage

[ilang]

would really like some advice. have had 2 early miscarriages recently. the first happened when we were abroad going to a wedding. bleeding became heavy when on way to wedding and asked if we could go back to hotel. dp told me i was being pathetic to fall apart over something that was really nothing more than a bad period and marched off leaving me in the middle of a foreign city an hour from where we were staying. He didnt call to ask how I was. He has refused to talk about the second miscarriage which happened a week ago (am wondering now why i tried a second time) and has made me feel v guilty about thinking about taking any time off work. do men just not understand how we feel, or should i leave him? Main reason for staying is ds, who adores him.

I have had three mc and although he tries my dh just doesnt get it at all. I think this is pretty common.

I'm really sorry to hear of your losses.

Did he want to have a baby? Had you talked much about it beforehand? Maybe he's in denial or trying (badly) to deal with it by ignoring it or rationalising it as "just" a heavy period.

What is he like otherwise? If your main reason for staying is that your DS adores him, I would question whether he is the one for you - what about your feelings?

see i think it's okay for men not to get it, because it's hard. but they should be kind because they love you, and hate seeing you in pain. so i am upset for you, ilang, you are in a tough enough position as it is.

sorry about your losses annbenoli and thanks for the comments. he does want a baby - talked about it for ages before starting ttc. he has had a lot of stress at work, and has been very irritable recently so guess things have been hard for him. i definitely agree about the kind thing aitchtwooh. think the lack of kindness is what has made things so hard.

oh love, i feel for you. it's a terrible pain, losing pregnancies. i hope things turn round for you.

Sorry you've had this experience.
My DP also saw me through one missed mc and I suspect one very early mc. He was kind, but it really didn't affect him in the same way as me.
He himself said that even when I was heavily pregnant (we have a DD age 3 now) it still didn't seem like a 'real' baby until born, he has 2 older children too. I think I understand what he means, and perhaps this is not unusual for men.

So sorry for your losses. My dh was working abroad both times when I mc, therefore he really has no understanding of how heartbreaking it was, both physcially and emotionally. Mine were more than a year ago, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them, even if only briefly somedays.

Be kind to yourself,I had to point out to my dh that I was devastated and couldn't just pretend it was a heavy period. Mind you, I had similar responses from most of my family, even my mum thought I was making a big deal of things.
Take care.

Is he normally kind to you? I don't expect men to really understand how it feels but I think most men will at least try. That sounds almost cruel :(

Ugh, it can be such a lonely thing, miscarriage. It shouldn't be, but sadly, it often is.

ilang if you are seriously questioning your relationship with DH because of his unfeeling response to your suffering, then I think this is something that perhaps needs to be taken to counselling. You say your main reason for staying is DS. What about yourself?