What should I say to my friend?

[SweetnessAndShite]

My friend just had a very early miscarriage. It was an oops baby and she really wasn't planning any more and was on the pill but she tested + at the weekend.

Although a shock at first, over the last few days she had got her head round the idea but began bleeding today.

This morning she was trying to put on a brave face then broke down in tears. I feel awful as I had to rush off and couldn't chat with her. One of our other friends took her DD to playschool and another took her home.

I am just waiting for my Asda delivery to come then I am going to pop over to see her. I've bought some little things for her (bottle wine, magazine, chocolate...) but I've never been throught this personally so don't really know how she's feeling or what to say. Can anyone give me any advice?

I would text her before you go over to check whether she's ok to see you.

If she is then you can't really go wrong with a hug and saying "I'm so sorry, do you want to talk about it?" and then take her lead.

Hi,

I've had several miscarriages and I know how hard it can be. However, the fact this was an unplanned pregnancy is likely to mean the miscarriage is less traumatic than if she had been very actively TTC.

I think it's very difficult to say something wrong to somebody going through a miscarriage, especially because this person will inevitable be oversensitive and may take innocent remarks the wrong way.

The best thing is to listen and say very little. Hold her hand if she cries, you don't have to say anything to let her know you care. Take those flowers along. Don't make her talk about her miscarriage if she doesn't want to, though: if she's putting a brave face on, just go along with it because that's what she wants you to do.

You are a good friend.