ERPC yesterday- so unhappy

[kitkey]

Had a ERPC yesterday under local anaesthetic - it was fine - lovely consultant and nurses and only a bit painful. Physically feel fine today but am suprised at how much of an mess I am emotionally.

Knew baby was going to die over weekend as had dating scan on Fri - had this as fell pregnant straight off pill so didn't have first day of LMP. Knew I was 8 weeks on Fri though as used ovulation sticks. Scan dated me at 6+2 with heartbeat but I knew this was wrong immediately - was so shocked that didn't query it just walked out in state of shock. Told DH and my sister and both dismissed my anxiety saying just a scan that is inaccurate (I am a worrier but a nurse too and know the scans are accurate). Couldn't be bothered all weekend to get up but I had to as have 2 DS 18mths and 3 already. On Monday has some bleeding so weht for scan at the EPU on Tuesday and no heartbeat and same size. They offered me waitng to miscarry or ERPC under genral or local - opted for local as thought of general frightens me

Today I am a mess - worrying about EVERYTHING - that the ERPC has damaged me - given me ashermans - my sister has tormented me with this idea ever since i said i would have the ERPC but i needed to draw a line under the mc so couldn't wait - this is what she did last year to avoid ERPC but it took weeks but she feels smug as she got pregnant first time after. I even asked the consultant for reassurance about the ashermans 3 times and she said it is very rare and she does not scrape which i know she didn't as I was awake. Still this worry is really upsetting me though and I know until i get AF I wont stop worrying. I have PCOS too and all 3 times I have got pregnant i just trick my body into ovulating by coming of the pill and ttcing straight away. Don't even know where to begin now

I just feel a mess- took the kids to nursery but not going to work and am just sitting here doing nothing - wanting to be pregnant so badly and stressing over ttc again and having to go through the waits. Argh - where is the fast forward button to feeling better? Sorry for the ramble - maybe just need to get it all out.

I should go to work i know to get on with life but tears are pricking my eyes and my temper is short. I have already phoned in sick but could phone and say I feel better otherwise I will just get in bed and sob.

Kitkey - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's such a hard time and there is so much to think and worry about. While it may not make you feel much better at this stage, please be assured that everything you're feeling and experiencing is perfectly normal. You are not in any fit state emotionally or physically to go to work so please don't go back until you feel ready to and do go to bed and sob - it is part of the healing process.

We all wish for that fast forward button at this time, it's more of a slow play button but you will get there eventually.

I am speaking from recent personal experience - I had an ERPC on Sunday for MMC at 10 weeks, following on from a natural MC in early June. I was a real mess on Tuesday morning but have gradually been putting the pieces back together - at home, not at work, and can definitely see some light at the end of the tunnel.

One person on MN suggested doing one kind thing to yourself each day and this is a good piece of advice. I do hope you are getting good support from those close to you kitkey and rant away here - it's a safe and supportive place to do it.

Thinking of you lots and sending many warm and comforting wishes x

I am so sorry you are going through this, I have had 2 MCs, they are just devastating. I second the advice about not going to work too, you need to cry and grieve etc...and that is hard to do with little ones, so you will need that time alone when the kids are at nursery.

Lots of people have ERPCs and don't get Ashermans and I would trust your consultant.

Take good care of yourself and let yourself grieve. xx

wonnaywombat - sorry for your losses too, I hope you are as ok as you can be too. xx

Hi kitkey I had an erpc 4 weeks ago now - and the same as you - just felt awful about it - wanted to sob all day etc. The reason I am posting is that I am a nurse too, and could not have gone back to work straight away - I couldn't care for other people when the one person that needs the care is you.

Take your time - if you need to crawl into bed and wail - do it. There is no shame in it, and you might find that it does you some goodxx

ps don't worry about ashermans - it really is very rare xx

Thanks ladies for your kind responses and I am so sorry for your losses that you are/ have had to go through this emotional rollercoaster

My DH is not great with emotions and mum and sister seem to think I should just get on and not dwell on it but I can't - the disappointment factor is huge like being let down so badly.

Didn't eat all day but felt hungry just now and have eaten some tea so hopefully a good sign as I am not a comfort eater but a happy eater.

I've had two ERPC's in last 12 months so know how difficult it is. Also understand then concern over Ashermans. Can only say that I've gotten pregnant twice straight after ERPC with following cycle and am now 32 weeks.

Having an ERPC is emotional and it will take your hormones several weeks to settle down so you need to give yourself time and some space. No-one else can tell you how to feel as they don't know so be kind and listen to what you need.

x