I've never wanted morning sickness so badly

[lapislazuli]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and absolutely petrified I am going to miscarry again.
I miscarried back in April,and before it happened my instincts were telling me it wasn't going to work out because I didn't have a single pregnancy symptom and I knew something was up because I was feeling too normal - and by 11 weeks it was all over.
This time around I am so scared after the initial high of finding out I was pregnant again, and am desperate to have any kind of nausea! I never thought I'd be wishing to feel ill...
Anyway I have no idea why I'm posting this, I just think to anyone who knows what it's like, the torment and frustration of not being able to celebrate a pregnancy is unbearable! Especially since in the same week, 2 of my close relatives have announced their pregnancies (post 12-week scan) which is :) for them of course.

I can understand your frustration at not having symptoms but I had none in my 2 healthy pregnancies and none in my mmc this year. I know a few people who have had miscarriages and had symptoms which were awful for them to suffer. As much as we want to have proof that everything is okay, symptoms don't mean that. The only thing that can say without a doubt things are okay is a scan. If you can afford maybe get a private one, but from experience it's probably best to wait until 9/10wks. I had a positive scan at 8 and had miscarried by 10wks.Fingers crossed this pregnancy is successful for you.

lapis - i know exactly how you feel. had two mcs this year , just found out am pg again - 4 weeks- no symptoms at all. i have one ds and didn't really have many symps then except crying all the time.

i know its early but i just want a sign

yup, totally understand what it's like. i had four MCs in a row and there are people on this board who have had more than ten. one is bad enough.
i'm now 30 weeks pregnant. the first 16 weeks were the longest in my life. it felt like a year of deep, dark fear.

well done so tough, keeping my fingers crossed for everybody

Kalo, I am sorry to hear that you've been through it twice this year, keeping my fingers crossed that it works out for you too this time.
Tonight if ever there is the slightest twinge in my tummy/dip in how I physically feel however minor, I am desperately pinning it to sickness. Crazy but I can't help it, it's on my mind every second.
With my first pg (I have 1 DS) I remember the extreme fatigue around about this time and the tendency to feel faint and on-off nausea throughout the day, the need to carry around crackers in case I had an energy low and needed instant refuelling.
How I took all of that for granted, it's amazing, I look at DS and think how I took it all in my stride - what a contrast this time.
Anyway, mustn't dwell on the negative, got to keep positive but it's so damn hard.
Good lucky everyone who's scared like me.

lapis, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. It might not be any consolation, but I had nausea/sickness throughout the day right the way through to 11 weeks, then scan at 12 showed things hadn't been right from the beginning and needed an erpc - so sickness not always a positive sign anyway.
Your dr is able to refer you for an early scan, though mine already said he wouldn't so I've found a private facility in Oxford in anticipation (waiting for 1st af atm)

It's so difficult knowing people that are pregnant when you're such turmoil, my friend is due in 2 weeks and i don't know how i'll hold or even see the baby without sobbing

OrangeToeNails Where have you found in Oxford? After 4mcs I have had some wonderful care by St Marys in Paddington but cant get up there for the scans I want. EPU at JR are lovely but they are still NHS and have to limit scans. Am happy to pay for peace of mind.

I had no nausea when pg with dd, but was very sicky with both of my last pgs which both ended in mmc I think after an mc it is normal to feel terrified when you are pg again, every twinge, ache, lack of boob pain etc always causes immense worry. wish we could do a positive pg test then fast forward 9 months.

jasmine51 I haven't used it myself, so can't recommend, but after searching it's the one I will be using. Fx for you

www.beardmillclinic.com

hi ladies,

any symptoms yet lapis?

Errgh, yes and no, I was so exhausted and sicky on Monday I crashed at 8pm (3 hours + before I usually go to bed). Yesterday a little on and off, but today tip top, I'm fine and am getting more and more worried by the minute. I know I can't rely on nausea as a symptom but it still comforts me to know something is going on in there.
I can't bare this not knowing, but I am far too scared to book any appointment, it just reminds of last time and I can't face any bad news yet.
How about you Kalo? You're still a bit early for symptoms to kick in though.

I'm right there with you lapis. I'm 5 weeks today and am driving myself completely stupid. I had 2 miscarriages earlier this year, 2 terminations for chromosome abnormalities in the 2 previous years and a miscarriage before that. So, now I'm on my 6th pregnancy and so far I have had some mid afternoon tiredness, but not for the last few days, a couple of 5 minutes bouts of nausea, a slight bit of shakiness, thirsty but only first thing in the morning, not especially hungry, completely normal feeling boobs and no mood swings apart from wanting to cry because I'm so scared. The only think that's keeping me going is that I am weeing considerably more than usual and my HPTs have got progressively darker and then reacted more quickly so the hormone levels must be going up.

I'd love to be able to reassure you but it would make my a hypocrite so in the meantime I will empathise . I wish I could switch off my frantic brain and just go with the flow.

Hi Kittens, how are you getting on? I hope you see this message :) and I hope your pregnancy is progressing well. Kalo, if you're out there, I wish you the same.
I am pleased to report that while I've been too chicken to see a doctor or midwife yet, but I have made an appointment, at which point I should be over 12 weeks pg. I know that's a bit late for a 1st appointment as you are normally sent for your 1st scan at that time, but I couldn't face having all that planned like last time and then having to cancel it all...but anyway I won't dwell on that.
I am definitely feeling more pregnant than last time, and am permanently tired - I usually do a lot of physical activity in the week which is now non-existent because I'm just too knackered. I've had a bit of sickness, but nothing too debilitating. I hope and pray these are all good signs.

Hi Lapis, I think I'm getting on ok. So hard to tell! I have been feeling quite sick on and off and get very tired in the afternoons or early evening. Also been really bloated and can't eat as much as I normally do without having indigestion for the rest of the day so all that points in the right direction I guess. Although as others have said, second guessing symptoms isn't always going to mean much. So many people don't have symptoms in early pregnancy and then some that do, don't get the news they want.

I had all the tests at the recurrent miscarriage clinic and was recommended to have an early scan and then scans every 2 weeks. I went last week at what I thought would be 6+5 but it turned out to be too early to see much. The consultant told me they could see the yolk sac but not the fetal pole yet as the sac only measured somewhere between 5.5-6 weeks. They said that they usually give or take 5 days of the date based on your LMP so that does make sense, especially as I ovulated later in my cycle this time so I suspected I may be closer to 6 weeks. I am due to go back for another scan on Monday and I am on a rollercoaster! Some days I feel calm (especially on the sicky days) and others I feel scared and emotional. I've had such bad luck in the past that it's hard to imagine this working out but I am trying to keep some sort of hope going.

Your symptoms sound similar to mine so hopefully we're both on the right track. Fingers crossed for all of us that are "waiting for qualify for the next round" as I tend to think of it these days!

I'm right there with you too. A mc in Oct 2009 left me infertile. After a long wait I finally got help and fell pg on the 1st cycle of treatment. I'm 5 weeks today and have a reassurance scan 2 weeks today. The wait is torture. I must have covered every emotion possible in the last 5 mins alone. I am largely symptomless and, although I was ridiculously sick with my DS, I was also very sick with the pg I miscarried. The only reassurance will come from scans but I'm sticking out a hand to hold.

I know 12 people who are currently pg and blissfully ignorant like I was the first time around. One of them is my best friend. It's very hard not to envy them.

I know what you mean Brokenbits, I had lunch with 2 of my oldest friends at the weekend. One of them is about 27 weeks and the other 16 weeks. They are very sympathetic and understanding and know about all my various trials and tribulations but it's impossible for me to 'join' them with pregnancy talk because I can't even take it for granted that I will still be in the same boat a week or more down the line. One of them has been trying for 5 years and conceived by IVF so I'm really thrilled and I know hers had been a difficult journey but at the same time it's not the same journey as mine so now she has a pregnancy untainted by the cynicism that I have for which I envy her a great deal. The other friend is pregnant for the second time, both with no concerns either.

The hardest thing is reading on the pregnancy threads people's "just found out I'm pregnant and have been offered a new job, should I tell them or not take the job because it will involve a lot of travelling - etc". I don't want to be the harbinger of doom and come on their thread and piss all over their fireworks but at the same time, gosh, I do feel like saying "Don't give up on a great opportunity like that. If you loose your baby and you've also lost out on a great job you will feel as shit as I did when I turned down a load of work bookings around my due date, and then regretted it bitterly when I had no work to take my mind off what should have been happening that month." - I guess I should let them keep their precious naivety but it's not easy to watch people loose out on opportunities based on such a fragile situation.

Brokenbits, if it's any consolation I had no symptoms until a week ago, when I thought I was 6 weeks. Now it seems I am 6 weeks again, hmmmm. Anyway, often they don't kick in 'til 7-8 weeks. Are you having an early scan? Don't they scan very regularly with fertility treatment?

Hi ladies,

lapislazuli, Borkenbits, Havingkittens
i am very much in the same non-nauseaous boat as you. Had my first pregnancy and MMC back in April. At the time I had a few symptoms early on but then everything stopped. People kept telling me its ok and after a while I just knew in my heart it wasn't. Had a private scan at 9 weeks which showed early MMC.

Now, I am only 5+4 today and feeling almost nothing. I look for symptomps everywhere but nadda, except slightly enlarged boobs and a bit tired at night. I booked an early scan at 7+6 but meanwhile I feel like I need to mentally think its not going to work out so that I am not disappointed again. I suppose not much we can do except wait for the scan but in the meantime?

I know what you mean Purplehibiscus. My grandma keeps saying I am expecting a baby. I keep telling her that I'm not really expecting one anymore, just hoping for one! She is determined to keep a positive stance on it though. She is a retired psychotherapist and is convinced that a negative attitude is not good for the 'baby'.

I was feeling sick quite a lot last week and the end of the week before but over the last 5 days or so I've only had vague moments of nausea so now I'm back to feeling paranoid. I am still dog tired mind so not all bad. Only 5 days to go 'til my next scan so I'll just have to soldier on and try not to drive myself too crazy!

Glad to hear I am not alone in wondering from one minute to the next if I have real symptoms or if they are phantom ones. It's very hard to just get on with every day life, with this constant worry on your mind.
I think the major thing though is not so much the sickness, but the tiredness, even when I manage to get 8 hours it's still not enough - and full 8 hours usually is a rare thing.
I so want to tell friends but am still a bit scared to let the cat out, it's weird but I'm almost getting used to living with this secret. I know though that even if we make the magical 12 week point, it still won't mean breathing a deep sigh of relief and thinking that everything's fine. Just hearing the news about poor Lily Allen recently brought that home to me. God, is this pg, even if it progresses going to be a constant source of anxiety and worry? That can't be good in itself, but how can you stop yourself?
Anyway I am over 10 weeks now, still a week away from my the end of my last pg, and without wanting to jinx myself I am marginally more positive this time, even though frought with worry. I think I have a mini bump, but so hard not to blame that on a bit of extra winter lagging or even wind!
Fingers crossed everyone, am glad there are a few of you out there on this thread to relate to.

I'm in a bit of a state just now. I went for my scan last monday and was told that there was still no fetal pole and that I had had a miscarriage, then went to the EPU for another scan which confirmed the findings and had a nurse come in to give me a date for ERPC. Then just as I was about to leave I was asked to go back in for another scan as the consultant wasn't 100% satisfied with the scan images and diagnosis. He said he could see something which may or may not be a fetal pole, which had developed since my scan 12 days earlier and that there had been some growth in the yolk sac and gestational sac but that it was very slow and behind for my dates. On this basis they cancelled the ERPC because they are now not sure of miscarriage and I now have to go back for another scan on Monday to see if there have been any further developments.

I have spent the last few days in a bubble of "it's not over 'til it's over" attitude but today I have been feeling very miserable and scared. I have been feeling sick intermittently this week and throwing up as well as being dog tired, still have an incredibly strong sense of smell but I'm trying to brace myself for the worst outcome. I know that symptoms don't always disappear straight away.

I really thought it was going to be ok this time.

Oh Kittens, the torment must be unbearable. I don't know what to say, just please let there be some positive development. Thinking of you.

Unfortunately, now, it is over . Can't believe it's happened again. Crap! (and that's being polite)

I wish the rest of you all the best xxx

Having Kittens ((HUG)) I'm really, really sorry that you have had such a terrible time of it x

I am so so sorry Kittens, that's truly heartbreaking news. Take care and look after yourself.