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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Told one twin won't make it

24 replies

Penguindreams · 02/11/2010 08:13

I am 22w today with twins following IVF and finally had my anomaly scan last Friday. Some problems were identified with one of them. Having spent all day yesterday with the fetal medicine consultant and fetal cardiologist, it seems that one twin has multiple abnormalities.

They're not sure yet whether it has a chromosomal defect or whether it is just unlucky enough to have a variety of problems.

We now have to decide how to proceed so as to protect the ostensibly healthy one as best as possible, but everything presents a risk. We're having an amnio for both of them tomorrow, but won't get the karotype results for 2-3 weeks.

I'm just so desperately sad. Both babies were so much wanted.

OP posts:

Lavitabellissima · 02/11/2010 08:18

Penguin so sorry for you It's always hard to know what to say but I didn't want to let your post go unanswered. My thoughts are with you and your DP at this difficult time.

KTRace · 02/11/2010 08:37

I am so sorry for you too, my thoughts are also with you. I have never experienced this so I am afraid I can offer you no help. x

fireworknix · 02/11/2010 09:52

Thinking of you penguins.
A very difficult time for you all xxxxx

I have no experience of twins nor IVF but have just experienced an MC with pg2. You are in my thoughts lovely xxxxx

iloveblue · 02/11/2010 10:08

Again, no advice sorry, I've also just had a late miscarriage (20 weeks). But just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope you get the best possible outcome. x

Amberc · 02/11/2010 10:54

Oh honey, I am thinking of you loads and i'll pray that the amnio test gives you hope xx

smokeybacon · 02/11/2010 11:27

Oh penguin that's such sad news. I am thinking of you. Xxxx

HumphreyCobbler · 02/11/2010 11:30

i am so sorry

Cerubina · 02/11/2010 11:39

Oh Penguin, this is so devastating for you. A worst nightmare with twins. I'm so very sorry as I know how much wanted they were, this is desperately sad. Will be thinking of you and your OH and both babies, and I hope your doctors come up with a way forward that keeps you and the other baby safe.

Magic8ballhastheanswers · 02/11/2010 11:45

Thinking of you Penguin x

xandrarama · 02/11/2010 11:47

So sorry to hear this. How very sad.

happygilmore · 02/11/2010 18:43

That must be so tough. I hope you get through the next few days as best you can.

itsatiggerday · 02/11/2010 18:50

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

I know of a couple who had a slightly similar scenario. She was put on bed rest at an early stage to try and prevent early labour (nature of the problems with one of the babies made it a risk). Eventually delivered both babies at c.26 weeks I think. Sadly the one twin didn't make it although put up far more of a fight than the doctors expected but the other one is now doing well having been in SCBU for some time. It was all really tough but they are now so pleased to have had some time with both their babies and to have one seemingly healthy child now.

I hope that you get really good support.

itsatiggerday · 02/11/2010 18:52

Sorry, didn't really get to the point. They were told to expect the sick twin would be stillborn but she wasn't and they did loads to help her after she was born as she was putting up such a fight. What they see in utero isn't necessarily a predictive guide to how a baby will actually cope.

sassy34264 · 02/11/2010 19:43

So sorry to hear this penguin. I really hope that the amino goes well tomorrow and it is better than expected. Will be thinking of you. Best wishes to you all. xxx

ilovesprouts · 02/11/2010 19:49

thinking of you x

VictoriaSecrets · 02/11/2010 20:11

So very sorry to hear your news... I cannot possibly imagine how you are feeling at the moment and really hope you get enough information to make any decisions you have to make as informed/bearable as possible given the circumstances. I think people reading this will probably subconsciously hold their tummies a bit tighter as it's a reminder about how complicated and almost helpless/vulnerable we are in this... I truly hope you get through the next stages feeling proud that you are doing everything you possible can to ensure the safest outcome possible.

Take Care

xxx

MyFourGirls · 02/11/2010 20:56

best wishes to you penguin...not a lot to say except many hearts are going out to you...good luck with the journey ahead, hope you get all the love and support you deserve.

pushmepullyou · 02/11/2010 21:05

So sorry to hear this Penguin. A similar thing happened to my cousin. I think she had a termination of the non-viable twin as it was putting the healthy twin at risk (twin to twin transfusion syndrome I think it was called).

Obviously it was devastating for her, but her DD as nearly 3 now and doing very well.

Original poster

Penguindreams · 03/11/2010 09:25

Thank you all for the support. This is undoubtedly the hardest thing we have ever faced.

I will update when we have more info from the amnio, but whether it's chromosomal or not, there were just so many different abnormalities that I really can't see a happy ending.

OP posts:

MercenaryMom · 03/11/2010 10:35

Oh Penguin I am so, so sorry to hear your news. I know how you wanted them and to have something happen this late in your pregnancy is horrible and so terribly unfair.

I too was pregnant with twins following IVF and unfortunately one of ours died at 13 weeks. In a way our situation was a little easier because it was earlier on in the pregnancy and the baby's heart had already stopped beating, but it was the most emotionally difficult and painful thing I've ever experienced. My heart goes out to you.

I wish after my experience I had some pearls of wisdom to offer, but I don't. I think losing one twin is uniquely difficult because people expect you to not be that sad - after all, you still have another one. And yes, people really did say that to me...

After it happened a friend sent me a card with the quote "there is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world". Remember that no matter what happens to your baby, you will be a better and stronger person because of them.

I hope the amnio results come back better than expected. You're in my thoughts...

Amberc · 03/11/2010 10:51

That quote is so beautiful MM but I fear it will have reduced everyone to tears...

sassy34264 · 04/11/2010 09:55

Mercenarymom That's a lovely sentiment. My twins are 12 weeks old this friday, so i have no direct experience of what you and penguin are going/went though, but my mum had non identical twin boys and one was stillborn at term and she was told to stop crying as she still had one. It's barbaric. It was 33years ago and i would have thought people had become more empathetic, but obviously not. So sorry and sad about that.

londonlottie · 04/11/2010 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

marriedtoagoodun · 04/11/2010 12:49

So sorry Penguin. We too were pregnant with IVF twins, but only our DD survived. I just hope that despite this time of upheaval and pain you are able to maintain hope and strength. There is not a day when I don't wonder about my other baby, but also not a moment when I take for grnated the amazing gift that was my DD. Be brave and face each new day knowing that love and prayers surround both your babies.

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