recovering from MC at 12wks, four wks on

[cupoftea123]

Went through a 'natural' MC four weeks ago whilst at home in the middle of the night. Bleeding has been constant since then. Going for scan tomorrow as nurse told me this should have settled down by now.
Am just wanting to share experiences and feelings with other women who've been through similar experiences.
Was initially in shock and numb from experience, have never seen so much blood before in my life. 3 weeks after I did the 'I feel fine' now and made myself v busy, only to realise that I was not and have spent the last week mainly at home, folding my DH's socks (which I never do!) and resting.
Am sad and fed up and keen to reclaim my body, but also aware that the grieving process will take time. Anyone want to talk?

Hey cup i too MC at 12 weeks naturally in aug this year, its hideous and im very sorry for your loss, but i totally understand where you are right now :(. the blood loss level can be very high, good that you are talking to your docs as 4 weeks heavy blood loss without break seems excessive.

I hope you are ok ish, sending hugs xxxx

I am so sorry for your loss and going through all this.

It will be 8 weeks since I started to MC this week and I have yet to have more than a few days without spotting, it is getting me down too. I was also 12 weeks, though the fetus had stopped developing between 8 & 10 weeks.

I am finding it emotionally draining. I suddenly started to have small clots again at about 5/6 weeks so went to A&E, they said I was fine as had no infection. I was scanned about 3/4 weeks after MC started and they told me then that my cervix was closed.

Like you I am very sad and fed up, but this was my 2nd MC and my last one took me 3 months to have a period and 3 months more to be normal. I was only 9 weeks then so expect it to take longer, though I didn't bleed anywhere near as much last time so for me also the endless blood is shocking and frustrating.

I hope you get a better answer from your scan than I did from A&E. x

Hi skeletalnix, good to hear from you. The bleeding has come in waves, it seemed to settle down but then came back heavy in the 3rd week post MC. The nurse on my very impersonal phone appointment wondered if it was my first period. It since settled down and then got heavier again yesterday. I'm just sick the stuff! The good thing is that I don't feel unwell, apart from in my heart :(
Do you have children or any plans/hopes for the future?

Hi KTRace,
I had no idea these things could be dragged out for so long! argh! I guess its a personal choice to opt for the natural process as opposed to 'interventions'? This had been my preference.
Unlike some people my MC started just before my planned 12wk scan, so I didn't have to wait for it to happen as it seems some women have to :( Although there's a chance that the (don't know what to call it) foetus (am sticking to the clincal) may have been older as my cycle used to be every 6 weeks rather than 4.
I had a scan literally the day after it had happened. During the intense couple of hours I was so shocked to experience loosing what felt like an amneotic sack, placenta and the rest, though the staff nurses have told me that blood clots can be pretty big also.
I want to move on, to connect with my DH again, to go swimming and just get on with my life!
I'm really sorry to hear about your losses. My cousin had 2 MC close together and she decided to wait some time before trying again. I'm 32 and I've spent so much time trying to avoid getting pregnant it feels like a weird world that I've entered.

Hi cupoftea really sorry for your loss :( I had a MC but in total I bled for 5 weeks, very heavily for the first week then it eased off for a couple of weeks, and then was heavy again for a few more days - the emergency gynae I saw when I went for reassurance when the heavy bleeding and clots started again thought that maybe some tissue was basically blocking the rest from flowing out until it had cleared. I would definitely call the hospital if you start to feel at all ill though.

Be kind to yourself, the grieving will take some time, and some days it will feel a bit like one step forwards and two backwards. I completely understand what you mean about this feeling so strange having avoided pregnancy at all costs for so long!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a MC while waiting for erpc at 13 weeks, I seem to be getting back to 'normal' 2 weeks on but everyone's right, it is the emotional side which has really hit me, and the life I anticipated is no longer there - just postponed (not gone) when I'm in a good mood!

I'm coming up to 33 and it doesn't help that everywhere tells me that 35 is the invisible line. It helps hearing stories about women over 35 that have :)

Does anyone else find that no-one wants to talk about MC? I assume they feel uncomfortable and don't want to upset me, which is why I'm glad there are forums like this :) :)

cupoftea I know losing the sac is just horrid, though this time there was so much I wasn't aware of what I was losing. I want to move on too and go swimming. Back when it happened we booked a lovely holiday abroad and based my recovery on my previous MC, now hoping that bleeding does stop so I can enjoy sunbathing and swimming and not worry about what is going on down there!

orangetoenails I find that no one wants to talk about the MC either, those that know I suppose think that it happened a while ago and that I should be over it. I have lots of pregnant friends too who tell me on great depth about their pregnancies because, understandably, they are excited. I find it takes every ounce of strength not to crumble into tears as it was not so long ago I myself was so excited about the future. I am lucky (if you can call it that) that a friend recently MC at the same stage of pregnancy as me, so we get together to chat, and funnily enough I have never cried, or wanted to, in front of her.

The thing that is freaking me out is that I am just about to be 35, I swore I would give up at this b'day as it will have been 2.7 years of trying, we'll see.

I too am thankful for this section of MN.

Hi cupoftea123. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can really sympathise, and I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I thought I'd share my experience - and happy to chat/pm if it would help.

I had a natural mmc at 11 weeks in June this year. The baby had sadly passed at around 9 weeks. It was a incomplete miscarriage, so I continued to pass tissue in the days and weeks afterwards. I had a scan about 4 weeks after - like you are today - because I hadn't had much respite from bleeding. I was told that I had ovulated since the miscarriage and that the bleeding was now, or would soon be, a natural period. This first period lasted 2 weeks (probably not what you wanted to hear!) and although I was sick of being 'on' by the end I did feel that everything was being well and truly cleaned out (TMI apologies) - I guess because the miscarriage was incomplete I had worries about things being left behind. You will be pleased to hear that subsequent periods were gradually shorter and more normal.

Do take your time healing emotionally - although of course there is no golden rule for grieving, and you must do what's best for you.

My feeling at the time was to experience the grief at that time in full, and not store feelings away for later. It was incredibly painful, but I hoped that by talking and crying I dealt with the major part of the grief.

Folding socks sounds meditative and healing - are there other things like that you can do? (I find knitting and crochet similarly calming).

xxx hugs

I feel so cared for by all of your comments, thankyou so much :)
I had looked at MN a while back but didnt feel compelled to join. This opportunity to write / talk is really helping me to feel less alone with the experience :)
So the scan today showed no retained tissue but a heavy womb lining, the dr & nurse didnt seem concerned about this at all, they said I could move to using tampons (some relief!) as there was now no chance of infection. KTRace I wonder whether you could seek a similar opportunity for advice, maybe the use of discreet blood control might help you to enjoy your holiday a little more?
With friends and family I haven't really given them the chance not to talk about my MC as I am very open with (or insistant on sharing) my feelings. I have however felt very angry / frustrated / let down by pretty much anyone that came into my thoughts in my low moods (usually when I'm low on energy, afternoons & evenings). When I'm upset I have a knee jerk reaction to become angry, almost like its easier to do this than to be upset or sad...
I do however know that these feelings will pass. I find talking and tidying most helpful at the moment!

I am glad you have found help here.

I can use tampons but it is not blood for them IYSWIM, just enough to depress me .

Perhaps you can tidy my house as I just can not be arsed

;) Sorry can't help you out, am on my way to stay with my mother, was supposed to work today but was upset and stressed out by 8am already. Need to give my DH some space cos he is grieving our loss and worrying about his dad in chemo also. I think in life sometimes when it rains, it pours. X

I do feel sorry for my DH at the mo, last time trying it happened straight away so no stress, but this time I already have ov sticks, thermometer, etc. Difficult for him to understand that being so near to having something changes everything

Knitting does help, YouTube has good instructions :)

I'm definitely finding the Conception threads good as it feels like a positive step moving on from mc, but just making me impatient for AF so I can start too!

Hello, I'm really really sorry that you are all having to go through this. I just wanted to tell you my story 6 months on.....

I had a mmc at 12+3 in March. It was a huge shock, we'd had a scan at just over 8 weeks and see the hb and thought we were safe. I threw up on the morning of the 12 wk scan and my tummy was growing.

When we got there, it was clear the baby had died a few weeks ago (they guessed at around 9wks). I ended up having 2 ERPCs because there was a bit of tissue left after the first and they had to repeat it a month later. My periods were then screwed up for a long time and I went back to GP to get referred to gynae clinic because I suspected I was not ovulating.

It has been the most horrific time - worse than I can possibly have imagined. You hear about people having mcs and think its dreadful but you realise that you have no idea how awful it is until you have been through it yourself. It took a long time before I felt vaguely normal and every month I got my AF just sent me back down again. The week leading up to my EDD was horrendous - I thought I had "got over it" but I spent most of that week in tears.

We went on holiday shortly after the EDD and DH and I agreed that you never really get over it. I think it helps to know that - there are good days and bad days but as time goes on, there are more good days.

To give you hope, I was referred to the fertility clinic very quickly, they ran some tests and I had a HSG to check my tubes weren't affected by the ERPCs. Shortly after that, I found out on holiday (to my utter shock) that I was pg again. I'm now nearly 6 weeks pg and very nervous but hopeful that this time it will be ok.

Dear Loueytbg, I wanted to give you a belated thankyou for your post last month. I needed a bit of time off from the forum however have come back and am glad to be catching up. I had some really low days with bad headaches and zero motivation. I did however know that it was part of the grieving process and those feelings passed, thank god! My blood loss finally calmed down after 8 weeks. My doctor had said he could give of some pills to settle the bleeding but i decided to just let my body do it's own sorting out.
I hope your pregnancy is going ok for you, i'd love to know how you are getting on. X x x