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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Miscarriage at 18 weeks

20 replies

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 08:52

Hi,
I have only just joined and am looking for support. On thursday I went for my 18 week midwife appointment and found out that the baby had died, that night I had the baby and had an ERPC the next day.

I thought I was coping OK but today my husband has gone back to work and I just can't stop crying. My milk has come in which doesn't help.

I desperately want to be pregnant again. Has anyone else started trying really soon after a late miscarriage? Was it succesful? I know things will get better but its hard to understand that at the moment.

OP posts:

cazzybabs · 12/10/2010 08:54

I am so sorry - it is so hard to lose a baby so late especially when you have started to tell people

I lost a baby at 15 weeks in June last year and was pregnant again in November.

Just take care.

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 08:58

Thankyou so much for your message. Did your second pregnancy go OK? I don't know how I would get through the scans and appointments the 2nd time round as I would be so scared, but I guess the memories get less painful. Thanks again for your reply.

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cazzybabs · 12/10/2010 09:00

i think i didn't believe i was having a baby until 20 week scan.

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 09:04

Thankyou. I am so pleased that you had a happy outcome the second time around. xx

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 12/10/2010 09:04

I lost one at 22 weeks. It turned out I have an incompetent cervix and had a suture to keep DD in place.
Of course it is natural that you are grieving for your baby. IIWY, I would speak to the GP or consultant obstetrician about advice for when to start again. We were advised not to delay and didn't.
Good luck.

sotough · 12/10/2010 09:05

hi there, so sorry to hear this has happened. although miscarriage is very common, it's quite unusual to lose a baby at 18 weeks. has the hospital offered to carry out some tests to see why it happened? it would definitely be worth pushing for this, if it's not too late, but i imagine they have offered to do it already. Most likely it was a one off, some kind of chromosomal abnormality, and your next pregnancy will be absolutely fine. it would make sense to wait at least until the results of any tests before trying for another baby.
the days ahead will be very difficult and you must do whatever you can to get through them - eat chocolate, drink wine, watch silly videos, go shopping, bake - whatever it takes to survive. don't be surprised by how long it takes to recover - you may pick up in a few days and then dip again emotionally in a few weeks time.
you'll find lots of support on here.

SlaughteredSheep · 12/10/2010 09:08

I can't put into words how sorry I am. I have only ever had an early mc (10 weeks) which was bad enough, so God knows how you must be feeling. I'm so sorry. I managed to get pregnant straight away afterwards. The mc was in July 06 and I was pregnant again by September. DD is 3.

Please be kind to yourself though and try not to get stressed out if it doesn't happen straight away (easier said than done I know).

I so hope that you are posting back here soon with some lovely news. Please take care x

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 09:11

Thankyou kreecher and sotough for your replies and sorry for your loss. The hospital are going to do a post mortem and I will have a consultant appointment in 6 weeks. Part of me hopes they don't find anything, but part of me wants to know why my baby died. They did say to wait til I get my next period before trying again, that was the nurses. Everyone has been so supportive, but today I just feel like I am on my own. Thanks again for the replies. xx

OP posts:

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 09:17

Thanks also slaughtered sheep for your reply, I hadn't seen it when I replied before, I am so glad you got pregnant again so quickly. xx

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LutyensLikesCake · 12/10/2010 09:20

BBB81, I had a MC at 17 weeks last November. Unfortunately it is not as rare as people seem to think it is. The chances of a MC "go down" after 12 weeks, but they do not disappear completely. Please don't think it means that future pregnancies will also carry a greater risk. Most likely this was a one-off.

It is natural to grieve, don't stop yourself from crying. When I lost my baby, I thought I had gained control over myself after a week or two, but I was wrong - I kept getting waves of grief triggered by the silliest things. Do you have support at home? Family, friends? You need a shoulder to cry on IMO.

I fell pregnant in February this year, so two cycles after the MC. The pregnancy was an accident - I was emotionally too fragile to try for another baby. But it was a very happy accident. I am 33 weeks now, and am so happy.

However, be warned that the fear of MC never goes out of your head once you have experienced it. I did not dare feel pregnant till 17 weeks, if that makes any sense? I did not tell a soul about the pg till I literally could not hide it any more. I think I settled into my pregnancy only after 24-26 weeks! But that's just me...I'm a fool at the best of times

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 09:26

Hi Lutyens, thankyou for sharing your story, I am so sorry about your MC but so happy that you are now 33 weeks. I have support from my husband and my family, friends at work have also been great, but my other friends not so much, I think cos none of them have babies or have been pregnant they just don't know what to say. I am going to go round to my mums later so I don't spend they day on my own.

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scepticalface · 12/10/2010 09:30

So sorry to hear about your loss. I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks (when my husband was away on business) and the hospital thought that death had occurred sometime around 16/17 weeks. I got pregnant incredibly soon after (literally about a month) and this time it was twins - who although were born 5 weeks early, were incredibly healthy - and beautiful 13 year old boys today!

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 09:32

Scepticalface, thankyou for your reply. It must have been so hard having a miscarriage while your husband was away. I am so pleased you got pregnant again so quickly, did you start trying straight away? I am sure your lovely twins make you so happy. xx

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KTRace · 12/10/2010 10:39

I am so sorry for your loss BBB81 and everyone's on this thread.

scepticalface · 12/10/2010 10:39

Yes it was scarey but Id had an ectopic years before and that was scarier because then I thought I was dying. I was living in Holland at the time. A friend drove me to hospital with the little boy in a shoe box - I just joined the queue, was checked out and sent home. I wasnt an emergency case or anything. The Dutch are eminently practical and down to earth re childbirth, miscarriage, abortion etc. We tried straight away and I got pregnant straight away - the twins are not our only children though - we have a large family.

MummyWilliams · 12/10/2010 12:36

Hi! I've had 2 late miscarriages. April 2009 15 weeks and April 2010 18 weeks. I am now 10+ weeks pregnant. I still have hope.

The grief of your loss will take time, I still cry regularly.

Sending you lots of hugs.

xxx

going · 12/10/2010 12:43

BBB81

So sorry.

I miscarried my first at 20 weeks. A few months later I was pregnant again and carried a healthy baby to term. I have had two more healthy babies since then. I did have another late miscarriage between my 2nd and 3rd but that was because I had measles so just really bad luck for it to have happened a second time. After my 16 week miscarriage I started trying straight away and was pregnant after my first period (was away from dp for a few days when I was ovulating before first period otherswise it may have happened sooner!).

Good luck.

Original poster

BBB81 · 12/10/2010 16:24

Thankyou for your replies, I am pleased to hear that so many of you have got pregnant again easily. MummyWilliams and going I am so sorry to hear that you have had 2 late miscarriages, it must be so heartbreaking, but going am glad to hear you have had 3 healthy babies and MummyWilliams, I so so hope that this pregnancy is a successful one. Thanks again for your support. xx

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mummytojacob · 14/10/2010 19:18

So very sorry to hear of your loss. Will the hospital investigate to find out if there is a reason? I lost a baby last year, at 18 weeks too. Unfortunately, they didn't find out why. You might like to know though that I now have a six month old little boy, as well as an 8 year old boy, both as healthy as can be.

I remember my milk coming in, and that made it so much worse. I'm sure you'll have good days and bad days, but I'm sure you'll make it through. The SANDS website was a huge source of support for me.
xx

Original poster

BBB81 · 15/10/2010 08:37

Hi mummytojacob, thanks for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss. The hospital are going to do a post-mortem to try and find out what happened. Congratulations on your new baby, did you start to try again right away? My milk seems to have stopped now, but you are right it does make it worse as it is a constant reminder. Thanks again for replying. xx

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