Should I go to the cremation?

[amy74]

Hi lovely ladies,

I'm after some much needed advice. I lost our baby after a mmc at 16 weeks and unfortunately received very bad care in hospital.Also we were not offered a post mortem(which they have now apologised for as too late to take sample now)and were also told that the baby would have been cremated a few days later after the miscarriage.
However, although we decided not to go to the service so soon after the miscarriage as our heads were all over the place, we have since been told by a bereavement support midwife that our little baby is still at the hospital (6 weeks later) and the service will take place next month. I cannot decide whether to attend the service or not. Will it be too emotional as we originally decided not to go or should we go for closure - although it does scare me as I feel I would never stop crying :(
Please can someone help me as I don't ever want to regret my decision.

Thanks xx

I am so very sorry for your loss and the terrible time you have had.

I can only tell you what I would do and that is go to the cremation, and I would be doing it for my baby. I would also complain to the hospital about your treatment as no one should have to go through this on top of a MMC.

Take care xxx

We have finally decided to put in a formal complaint. I'm a nurse and couldn't believe what I witnessed. My heart is telling me cremation but head saying no. Thanku xx

LunaticFringe's advice is great.

I am glad you are complaining x

We've lost two (15 weeks & 18 weeks) for me going to the funeral was the last physical thing I could do for our babies. It will be emotionally tough, but you will get through. I think you will regret not going. It is closure in a sense.

xxx

amy74 i'm so sorry for your loss

I also had a mmc at 16 weeks in July; we had a private cremation and I did go. There was just me and dh there and the hospital chaplain who was just absolutely lovely. It was terribly hard and so so sad, but such a beautiful little service and I felt like at least we got to say a proper goodbye. I think I cried all the way through, but I got through it and I was glad I did. When I think about it now, I think well, we never got to give him a christening or a birthday party but that was the one good thing we could do for him.

Having said that, if you felt you couldn't bear to go, I know everyone would understand that too. Like lunaticfringe said, why don't you go on the basis that you can leave if it's too much?

Also, if you don't feel up to going, you could think about writing a short letter to send with your baby - that might be another way of getting some closure? x

Amy74

So sorry for your loss and for the poor treatment that you have received from the hospital.

I miscarried at 18 weeks in June and was offered a cremation. I thought long and hard about it but in the end I couldn't face it. My hospital offered me my baby's ashes and I decided to collect them and scatter them privately. It gave me time to grieve and space to say goodbye to him when I felt ready. Maybe your hospital could offer something similar

It isn't an easy decision and my heart goes out to you.

Whatever you decide remember to take care of yourself at this time xx